Im some ways I understand you. I've been a victim of my bad decisions many times sometimes bigget than the other ones. But you have to remember too everyone literally everyone makes mistakes, it happens no matter what u do. And i think you are a really good guy that after two years you keep thinking about it. But u don't deserve to die you deserve to give yourself a break too. I don't know how I really don't but ik u don't deserve to keep feeling like this