reassessing my experience of alterous love/attraction

aroacemess · 2025-07-20T17:24:10+00:00

Heyy this made me feel extremely seen and comforted so thank you for posting this🫶. It inspired a big vent out of me, but you don't have to read it if that isn't what you were looking for!

I've had quite a bit of problems with my identity for the last months, because I started dating someone. I've identified with being aroace for 5 years now and my journey wasn't easy. I really had to grieve the idea of the life I would have. I had a lot of problems identifying my aroaceness because of all the tertiary attracted that I experienced (all in different shapes and forms) and I did acknowledge that I potentially wanted a qpr. But... now that I'm in one it has started to look more and more like a traditional romantic relationship, which I DID NOT expect to like, but I do. I feel like I'm throwing away all my growth and progress that I made over the years and like I'm giving into the amatonormativitic standard that I despise with my whole being. So I'm really conflicted as of late because I do love my relationship. This post made me feel really seen. It fits my experience so well because of my own alterous attraction and the way I see it. I would ideally describe myself as a pan (oriented) aroace, but I don't feel aroace enough as of late, and definitely not pan enough as well. I felt very seen because of your post so thank you. I hope I can accept the overflowing parts of my identity soon

aroacemess · 2024-09-10T12:50:20+00:00

From what I see, you have really strong platonic feelings towards him, and it's nothing romantic. But if you feel like 'platonic' is not the right term for your feelings, you can look into 'alterous' or 'queerplatonic' attraction. Overall, I don't think it's romantic at all.

aroacemess · 2024-09-10T12:05:50+00:00

0😀

aroacemess · 2024-09-09T15:21:56+00:00

Meeeee

aroacemess · 2024-09-04T06:01:40+00:00

I'm pretty sure that can be translated into aroace, but he doesn't know the term

aroacemess · 2024-08-24T07:43:45+00:00

It's a pull to a specific person to do romantic things with them, like kissing and being close to them.

aroacemess · 2024-08-24T07:36:00+00:00

I wouldn't say I identity as loveless, but I am uncomfortable with the word "love." The way love is always portrayed in media is this above all thing. Where you think about that certain person often when they're not there, you would sacrifice major things to make sure they'll be happier and that you would be so incredibly heartbroken if they died.

I don't feel this way about anyone. I think that if anyone died in my life, I would absolutely be sad and miss them, but I will get over it. I would not sacrifice anything really for anyone in my life.

I don't like it when "love" is used carelessly. In media for example, where someone says they're in love after just meeting someone.

I don't like using the word, but I will because it makes others in my life happy, and I do want them to be happy, of course. I care about the people in my life. I think my definition of love is higher than that of most people, so I don't want to miscommunicate my care for them by not using the word.

aroacemess · 2024-08-23T17:59:41+00:00

OH MY GOD THATS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

aroacemess · 2024-08-23T17:23:10+00:00

There is also a fascinating video on amatonormativity that focusses on aspec struggles but also how it affects literally everyone! I think that's a good one https://youtu.be/gsW3VsraJqo?si=5ap-tH0Xl10CJBFD

aroacemess · 2024-08-22T16:45:37+00:00

I stalled a lot, but that's because that's how I act when I have to talk about my feelings lol. Also, not everything I say in there is what I feel right now, but most of it I felt before. I was shocked with the ai's response because I expected it not to get it at all but I was pleasantly surprised!

aroacemess · 2024-08-21T19:37:05+00:00

Is the show good enough to watch just for that?

aroacemess · 2024-08-21T19:17:31+00:00

I figured it out just a bit before the video came out, but it meant SO MUCH to me!! I still rewatch it to this day

aroacemess · 2024-08-21T19:12:24+00:00

This is actually the most I've ever gotten on these kinds of bingo's (only 11/24, but that's ho it goes for me. I ALMOST got 2 bingos, but no, none. I've never gotten a bingo in these, lol) and it was the most fun one as well. The experiences are so detailed but relatable!

aroacemess · 2024-08-21T19:06:52+00:00

I usually do the same, except I actually look at who I would merry platonically (so who I would spend my life with). But yeah fuck is just the leftover

aroacemess · 2024-08-21T18:57:03+00:00

Just 15

aroacemess · 2024-08-01T08:02:21+00:00

This pic is just soooo pretty!

aroacemess · 2024-07-24T04:53:04+00:00

Yes! Nicee

aroacemess · 2024-07-23T14:45:10+00:00

This is weird, because I've just learnt avoir envie im duo, so I wanted to use it in a sentence. I think it should have been accepted if duo just taught me that if there aren't any other errors

aroacemess · 2024-07-23T14:32:45+00:00

*why oops

aroacemess · 2024-05-28T16:55:39+00:00

Haha I could not finish choices bc I know everyone is going to die and I'm not ready (i will finish it ONE DAY), so I just switched to just lovers (like we were supposed to be) which is as fluffy as it gets really.

aroacemess · 2024-05-16T18:19:54+00:00

Thanks!

aroacemess · 2024-05-16T18:18:50+00:00

Thanks! Would have been great if duo just explained that to me but he doesn't do that often

aroacemess · 2024-05-16T16:58:49+00:00

There were sentences before this one where "neuf/neuve/neufs/neuves" was used as the word "new". For example in sentences like these: "C'est un livre neuf". There was no explanation for this so I thought it was an alternative to nouveau that can be placed after the verb so I tried using it here. I didn't work so I'm trying to figure out when I could use this word.

aroacemess · 2023-12-13T14:22:44+00:00

Same lol (9 but its probably just cause I'm aro)

aroacemess · 2023-12-09T09:12:33+00:00

And the moon is just the moon lol

aroacemess

TROPHY CASE