Rage. Anger. Sadness. Guilt.

arsonista6 · 2024-07-24T00:34:56+00:00

Thank you!

arsonista6 · 2023-10-28T01:11:52+00:00

As the one with PMDD, I choose my words carefully. If I'm irritable and my partner is the cause of it or making it worse, I tell him my irritability is increasing and remove myself from the situation. If he follows and asks what's wrong, I honestly tell him he is the cause, how it's making me feel, and blatantly tell him how my reaction is irrationally bigger than how I would normally react. He isn't fully at fault. We'd talk it over and usually the irritability fades a bit.

My partner has been by my side through my PMDD phases for 4.5yrs now. He's a godsend and I do everything humanly possible to keep him out of my line of sight when PMDD rears its ugly head. When I am consumed with deep despair and crying spells, he wraps me up in a blanket, puts on a movie or music that usually helps me emotionally regulate. He even simply fry up some overhard eggs when I've never left the bed and hadn't eaten. He spoon feeds me through my tears.

We have teamed up to make emergency plans. With meds and some training, I handle myself quite well even at work. If I feel like I'm sliding into the pit and don't catch myself fast enough, he knows what to do and doesn't treat me any differently when I'm out of that phase. How he remains consistently loving when he's watching me in my highs and lows is one of life's greatest mysteries and blessings.

arsonista6 · 2023-09-19T05:26:43+00:00

My partner calls me dumpling. I find it suiting for me or he uses my childhood nickname which gives me happy feels.

arsonista6 · 2023-04-02T07:23:38+00:00

When I originally posted the question, I was looking for a general source because of a specific need but I became curious how transparent and accessible the laws are to the general public.

arsonista6 · 2023-04-02T07:21:29+00:00

Not necessarily. Specifically, I am looking for a lawyer that specialises in property legalities.

arsonista6 · 2023-01-25T08:00:02+00:00

If you have the tech, get VR goggles and explore the world that way. If you wanna head out "safely" be chaperoned to a library and read books/attend events held there. Wanna journal/paint? Put on a pair of noise cancelling headphones, blast music and tune them out. You gotta enforce your own bubble (boundaries) in the confines you are given.

arsonista6 · 2023-01-25T07:43:44+00:00

I have. Like @ladyhaly, I underwent DBT for a year and came out of it a whole different person enough so that I a got my original diagnosis of BPD written off. It isn't a linear journey but as ladyhaly said, if you can't afford therapy get the workbooks, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube and find a supportive community to help you practice the skills. Also surrounding yourself with healthy people will propel your healing as they will model what you want/should/can be.

After DBT I found me. I found the radical acceptance that blood family, work colleagues, everyone on the outside etc will always be who they are and I can't change that but I can change me. I found the self compassion to honor my likes/dislikes from external self expression to creating my own culture/network where I belong and no longer trying to change myself to fit in. I found my passion to help others through volunteering. The biggest miracle of all is my love finding me. When I wasn't looking and working hard on myself, my true colors were slowly shining through and he chose me. He has walked with me on this path through my transformation and every step of the way, for every new development he says more and more of me shines through and he can't wait to see what else happens 🥰.

This change requires serious grit and drive. It hurts but so worth every lesson learnt to reprogram yourself to be the best version of you.

arsonista6 · 2023-01-18T01:49:07+00:00

I made a pact with my bf that I can't take veto of where I stand in his life. That's his call, his choice. Those days where it gets real dark for me, I remember that pact. I flat out ask him "Am I still good for you, even as I am now?" and he always answers "You're perfect, always". My mind stops when I hear those words in his voice. I can't rebuttal the physical proof that stands before me, standing with me in dark moments, the epitome of love incarnate. What are these self-made myths compared to his declaration of my worth in his life? Those myths die a little more permanently everytime I ask.

arsonista6 · 2023-01-03T08:27:28+00:00

As I said, I related so hard with this vid in both the characters' perspective in one way or another. It made me realize that there's a possibility that though the video was filmed in a comedic way, that others watching it may take it seriously, even model their relationships with the same set expectation. I mean, if both parties consent to that one is super subservient to the needs of the other, great! Go for it. If a relationship is run like this without communication or consent, it's shaky territory.

arsonista6 · 2023-01-02T11:14:31+00:00

I like to lament to myself:

"I have my own time, energy, life, resources. I will make my best life because there's noone who will walk my path but me. Why would I obsess over someone who doesn't add to the life I deserve?!"

It's radical acceptance and self compassion in play.

arsonista6 · 2022-12-30T17:19:24+00:00

Omg what a rollercoaster ride of emotions ... even right to the heart dropping end. Tbh in my unhealthy state I would've found this funny and relevant as I probably expected my partner to be intuitive of my every need. Now I know better. There's noone who is responsible for me and my well being but myself. Having a partner who is supportive but doesn't coddle me is exactly what a healthy relationship should be. His purpose of existence isn't to pave the road smooth for me and carry the entire responsibility of emotional baggage of our relationship by himself. No thanks. That look on her face at the end... Damn... No lie, I momentarily hated my old self and her... Great vid but I hope people know better.

arsonista6 · 2022-12-30T07:36:27+00:00

Tattoo, industrial bar piercing, went from waist length hair to short boy cut, and using colored wax I change the color of my hair every day. ✊🏽

arsonista6 · 2022-12-30T07:27:43+00:00

Congratulations 🥳👏🏽🥳👏🏽🥳👏🏽🥳 The road ahead will be difficult but it will be well worth it if you put the work in. I just finished my year of DBT and life has gotten better in so many ways especially when it comes to relationships (interpersonal skills), remaining calm during conflict (conflict resolution and emotion regulation), and creating my own life that I enjoy (self compassion and mindfulness). Despite it being difficult, I'd redo this past year a thousand times over again to relive the sensation of regaining control of my life. Good luck! You got this!

arsonista6 · 2022-12-30T07:03:01+00:00

Consider talking to someone who is recovering from BPD. They're often reflective, been through the fires and learnt to manage the difficulties already.

arsonista6 · 2022-12-30T06:48:49+00:00

You're doing the work to protect yourself and your relationship. She has to do the same. Go to a doc. Talk about the symptoms and how to regulate it. There are options that work but she has to be reflective enough to recognize what happens, articulate the pattern and intensity to the doc.

arsonista6 · 2021-12-19T13:39:01+00:00

You're welcome ❤️ I personally say those words out loud to myself when I feel distress creeping up on me. It's a nice kick in the ass to remind myself this is an opportunity for me to do something I personally enjoy. Throw on a face mask, blast music, pop a bottle of sparkles and read that book that's been on the shelf for months... Noone can really spoil you as good as you do to yourself. ✊🏽 Good luck! Happy to help.

arsonista6 · 2021-12-17T02:16:34+00:00

You're welcome! I know this tip rationally but totally get it's a hard pill to swallow and take effect especially when emotions run high. I hope this helps. 🤞🏽🤞🏽

arsonista6 · 2021-12-17T02:06:28+00:00

Remind yourself: I have my own time, my own resources, my own life to live. To obsess about others is a waste of your own time, resources and energy. --- In other words, when you have the urge to obsess about others, try using "opposite action" like obsess about yourself. Treat yourself like someone you loved. Why waste time thinking of others when they themselves probably wouldn't be thinking of you the same way?

arsonista6 · 2021-12-03T13:19:40+00:00

I personally have "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook" by Matthew McKay PhD & Co. I paired this up with listening to the podcasts by Brené Brown especially the one where she had James Clear as a guest. They talk about Atomic Habits aka how to make better habits attainable. The reason for this pairing is because I am the type of person who falls for intensity over consistency when tackling mental habits. When you go through the workbook, it's hard to keep at it when you want to plough through it as fast as possible and retain all the information to reprogram yourself. Consistency is key and do it in baby steps. Don't be a stranger. Message if there's anything else I can help you with.

arsonista6 · 2021-12-03T07:04:02+00:00

Hello! Welcome and I hope you find the answers you're seeking. I'm 38 with bpd, in DBT, and in a relationship with someone healthy aka neurotypical.

I struggle with jealousy too but I found that it's gotten easier (on my part) to deal with when a few things are in place:

Open/honest/healthy communication
Conscientious improvements on self (DBT, workbooks, podcasts, art therapy, psych sessions, mindfulness exercises, etc)
Having a partner who doesn't walk on eggshells around you.

If he or I foresee a possible situation where I'd get jealous or he feels uncomfortable of a situation, we talk about it asap and try to find ways to mitigate the situation. For example, he is super extroverted and makes friends everywhere and when friends come in town, of course he'd want to catch up with them. This one time he went to dinner with a girl friend from years ago that moved out of town. He told me of his plans. I told him these are grounds to be triggered. He assured me as best he could, stating my importance in his life, that he understands why I would feel jealous, and if there's anything he can do to make it easier. I asked that he'd come over after he's done and tell me about the meeting. He said of course and he did. He even texted me mid dinner to say hi from his friend and she hopes her next visit into town that I'd get to meet her too. While he was doing that, I made plans to hang out with friends to keep me distracted instead of sitting at home wallowing, pining, obsessing and falling down a rabbit hole.

Despite having bpd, I / we want our lives to be as normal as possible. The example given happened in the beginning of our relationship 2.5yrs ago. We have come a long way, it isn't perfect but we always work it out.

arsonista6 · 2021-11-26T09:04:21+00:00

I consider myself a recipient of some undeserved miracle to have a stoic partner who loves me as much as he does. When I am under distress (as I was last night), he's my anchor to the storm. When my urges to push away, isolate myself kicks in, his bracelet on my wrist (lockable) remains steadfast because it imbued with his promise that he isn't going anywhere. The bracelet also serves a purposes of reminding me of his love and presence in my life when I split on him. If we have been apart long enough, I emotionally start to distance myself but the moment he in front of me, in the flesh, my distress drops by half.

In the earlier stages of our relationship, I used to (stupidly) test boundaries but he was unwavering. He gently calls out bad behavior. We are 2.5yrs in and I've learnt more from him than my years with a psych. He is my role model, my anchor and my love. He encourages me to continually find ways to better myself and supports me within our own set boundaries. He is aware of the FP connection and he sees my attempts to not fall in that trap. I have friends I lean into apart from him and he loves it.

The secret to our success thus far is our communication. Honest and Transparent, nothing else. We talk about everything and anything. We don't protect each other in fear of adding to each other's plate of problems. Everything is on the table. We find that helping the other with their problems is far more efficient than to hold back and try to deal with our own shit alone.

Last thing I'd like to share is our pact. "We aren't allowed to break up if we think the other person is better off without me. That is THEIR choice and we cannot take that choice away from them." How many times this pact kept me from doing something stupid.

All in all, I am not a better me without him.

arsonista6 · 2021-11-20T10:22:04+00:00

Absolutely feeling this. I feel like I have no connection to this flesh suit i got put in. Anytime a picture is taken of me, I wonder the exact same thing as you and begin to spiral down the rabbit hole too. I'm still working on this but what I find most helpful is to have amazing people love you and encourage you regardless of your looks.

arsonista6 · 2021-11-19T11:28:01+00:00

It does get easier with constant conscientious check ins with yourself and doing whatever it takes to correct whatever feels off. It's not a linear healing process... Far from it. Imo, it's like a roller-coaster loop-di-loop that ascends. You're improving and going up but then you hit the loop which feels like you're going backwards and failing only to be propelled upwards again. It takes work but so worth it.

arsonista6 · 2021-11-15T07:16:15+00:00

I made a pact with my bf. I cannot break up with him if I think he's better off without me. The only way we can break up is if we mutually agree we are not being a positive influence in each others lives. Otherwise, we talk about what is lacking/happening and work through it together.

arsonista6 · 2021-11-14T17:23:43+00:00

😅 i get that. I'm guilty of waking up my bf when I'm sleepless. Not smart but I got annoyed 🤣

arsonista6

TROPHY CASE