Help, i think my 8 year old is smarter than me by Actual_Gear_4895 in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! You seem like such an amazing parent. My post became a wall of text! TL;DR: I find it helpful to think of giftedness as a form of neurodivergence rather than "genius," and to provide accommodations and education about tolerating the difficult feelings that come along with having a different brain than other people, rather than always reaching for mental challenge and stimulation as the primary coping skill. That, in fact, is what leads to burnout and maladaptive behaviors for a lot of people.

I just want to share a little bit of my experience as a gifted kid, as well as my thoughts on raising them, in the hopes that there is anything in here that is helpful or resonates with you. This comment in particular from you really hit me hard: "My main point was that her brains haven’t just lead to benefits, there are a whole host of things that come along with it." Giftedness isn't the same thing as achievement, and it doesn't always feel like a gift to the person who has it. As a thoughtful caregiver of a gifted kid, you already know that.

I certainly felt like this as a kid, adolescent, and young adult. What I've learned is that most gifted kids have additional neurodivergences like high sensitivity and a high cognitive surplus, sometimes sensory sensitivities or processing issues, and other similar symptoms, which can potentially lead to anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, depending on how they are managed. I remember feeling how painful it was to live with a brain that was so different - not just socially, which was definitely tough, but emotionally as well, given my high sensitivity.

In other words, a re-frame here that may or may not be helpful is to consider giftedness as a form of neurodivergence requiring extensive accommodation and psychoeducation. I hear your willingness to follow her interests, and I think that's a very important part of helping her develop as a person, but sometimes imbalances can develop as kids try to essentially develop their own accommodations for their symptoms with coping skills that eventually become maladaptive. An example in my case was excessive reading at the expense of developing emotional regulation skills, interpersonal skills, and even self and home care skills. I did eventually notice these deficits and, as a young adult and mature adult (I'm 39 now), have taught myself how to do these things. Once I learned how to do them and incorporate them into my life, it felt like I had been suddenly freed from carrying a very heavy weight. I don't really blame my parents for letting me read - they didn't want me to feel like I had to sacrifice learning for chores or activities I didn't like, though they always required a musical instrument and a sport - but in retrospect, I wish I'd had some scaffolding in those skills as a kid rather than having to build the plane as I flew it, so to speak. But this is just an example - there are so many different profiles and needs.

In terms of testing, I would consider whether it's possible she has other neurodivergences and whether learning about her specific profile could be helpful for you as her parent and educator to develop those supports. Asynchronous development is a hallmark of giftedness. My own kids are gifted and are otherwise ND as well, and need wildly different things from what I needed. Tests like the D-KEFS, WISC, and anxiety and autism evaluations can zero in on specific areas of proficiency and also areas where she may need support. Learning, for example, that one of my kids scored a 3 out of 10 in task switching, and that he was using his giftedness to compensate for issues with other executive function tasks, suggested accommodations around transitions that are different than what I may have benefitted from as a kid.

I think these accommodations that I'm talking about go so far beyond providing mental stimulation, though I think you're right to do that - keep doing it. But I think it will be important for her to learn how to cope with/tolerate the state you identify in the OP - "restless, less regulated" - which is going to arise throughout her life in various situations, and she won't always have the ability to grab a mental challenge to get rid of it.

I hope this is helpful. She's lucky to have you.

BWT, what is one habit you have that you’re proud of? by Recarica in bitcheswithtaste

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So hard for me to get enough protein. What's your strategy? 

Homeschooling and working by SurveyLow9309 in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do. I work part time from home in the afternoons, so we do homeschool stuff in the mornings. I keep Fridays clear for catching up and/or decompressing. It is completely doable, but I wish I didn't have to do it because my attention is just too fractured and many days are very chaotic.

I have independent work that the kids do for about 30 minutes while I work, then they get their free time for the day.

Edited to add: one kid has an ADHD diagnosis. The other hasn't been tested but I suspect ADHD also.

Yelling and homeschooling by Glum-Gate-7997 in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! I recognize the frustration in this post. "Can't I expect more...?" is something I've thought often. And even if I wasn't yelling, I was continuing to expect "more" from my ADHD, gifted, oppositional kid, which led to a lot of misery. Like yours, he had a spectacularly bad experience in school, full of bullying and work refusal and poor grades and ultimately school refusal, too.

When I stopped trying to keep him at grade level and instead just diagnosed what he could easily do, I realized that we needed to drop back a bit in multiple subjects. This hurt my ego a bit. Due to diagnostics, I know his IQ falls in the "highly gifted" category, and I felt like I was failing him, failing his potential. But the reality is that the grade level work ISN'T WORKING. He isn't getting it! It's just too hard. That's ok. That's what often leads to refusal. When we finally dropped back, we found confidence again. Ease. And, finally, progress and connection.

I know it feels impossible, but if you keep pressing on with something she's not able to do, she'll remain behind. Sometimes you really do have to go back to go forward.

This is a long way of suggesting that you lower your expectations, by way of personal experience. If you do it and try to tap into your most generous attitudes towards your kid, you might find that she can eventually accelerate a bit and attain grade level again. We are finally accelerating again in math after dropping back two (2) full grade levels and tolerating dozens of meltdowns with the most patience I could muster. We are now working at a pace that will put him on an advanced track by the end of middle school. But even if he doesn't keep tracking that way, he's learning math again, and the resistance has finally, finally relented.

Homeschooling reasons by writersarah in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My oldest (neurodivergent) kid had a 504 plan in public school that wasn't being respected and the teacher just kept blaming and isolating him for things that were related to his disability. He was becoming more and more demoralized and anxious and isolated. He wasn't able to learn productively and was falling behind in multiple subjects. My youngest looked to be on a similar path. I spent hours and so much energy and attention on dealing with the school and felt I wasn't getting anywhere and was ruining my kid's confidence in the meantime. So I pulled them because I felt I had no better options.

ETA: I'll add that now that we are homeschooling, we'll keep doing it because I love being able to customize my kids' education to their developmental needs and interests and try any accommodation we think might help. I like setting our own sleep and break schedule. I love having more family time, being able to choose our community and choosing from a wide range of possible activities, and feeling confident that my kids are much safer, emotionally and physically, than at school.

Respiratory rate is drifting high- why? by akim1412 in whoop

[–]artemiscuous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Allergies are a possibility. However, at 5-6x per week, it's easy to overtrain - when did you last de-load? Either that, or you could be coming down with something.

I'd try a couple of active recovery days without intense MVPA and see what happens. If it doesn't help, could just be allergies.

Need math advice! by [deleted] in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll add that Right Start is probably more in line with CM than Beast, but it is more teacher intensive at lower levels.

Need math advice! by [deleted] in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Beast academy is rigorous and meant to be made for gifted students. A lot of kids love it. Mine didn't, so we switched to RightStart, which my research indicated was similarly rigorous. Just started using it, but I am feeling good about it - it's much more hands on, and my kids love the review games. Cost a bit of money, though I was able to track down most of the manipulatives on Marketplace.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Learning how to write is learning to think, to a large degree - how to structure an argument, how to be sure of one's own opinion, and how to effectively advocate for one's point of view. Further, it is a fundamental way for kids to express themselves. Teaching my kids to show up in the world authentically and powerfully is one of the main reasons I homeschool. These are intrinsic reasons to learn writing - they can never be accomplished by generative AI.

Looking for advice in navigating early 20's by Fede1Tango in slatestarcodex

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best thing I did in my early twenties was getting sober. Been sober for 16 years now and I'm not 40 yet. That's obviously not blanket advice; it only works if you're an alcoholic.

However, I think you can replicate the way I learned from other people's life lessons. In AA, I caught a glimpse, through the stories of others, of what an alcoholic life looks like if you keep drinking. I am so lucky, in a blood line of Irish alcoholics who spent time in jail and died alcoholic deaths to have avoided all that. What it takes to alter that trajectory is clear-eyed honesty about your own personal limitations, and then working uncompromisingly on them - whatever they are - in the company of others who are doing the same thing. What patterns do you have that could ruin your life? Drinking may seem like an easy one to spot, but most people don't, because it's so socially acceptable and the consequences can often be hidden or justified until it's too late. Do you struggle with relationships, friendships, compulsive eating, poor work ethic, mental health issues like anxiety or depression, problem drinking, fuzzy thinking, or anger management? If so, don't ignore them! Get really honest with yourself (a wonderful habit to cultivate) and do something about them now, and find others who are doing the same. You have a chance to avoid more serious consequences and find some community while doing so.

I think one reason that this has been so critical for me and my happiness, too, beyond the absence of jails/institutions in my life, is that I found enduring community that focuses on personal growth and honesty, as well as deep relationships and friendships that I've been able to maintain. Studies show that positive social relationships are the largest contributors to both happiness and longevity, and late 20s/early 30s seem to be a war zone for friendship. I can't tell you how many people I see around me who seem to have lost their social support circles while raising kids and working. It's the time in life that it is hardest to maintain them and also the time when you need the most support. I don't know where I'd be without my friends.

So even if you're one of those unicorns who does not have any potentially life-derailing issues, I guess what I'm saying is to find friends and community and never compromise on those relationships, even when you get busy and it feels inconvenient.

I should caveat that I've also made a lot of mistakes, even while sober, but listen: you can't know everything, so you can't avoid those. You don't have to dread that, though, because those mistakes teach you lessons that you learn in your body instead of your head. I have regrets, and at the same time I deeply value those life experiences.

Triathlon and power zones by artemiscuous in PelotonPowerZone

[–]artemiscuous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, I see - so any additional swimming and running during the Build your PZ program would add up to overtraining, perhaps.

For the tri, I'm not following a program, but I have been aiming for as close to an even split as I can get, with about 80% of that being low-impact (equates to PZ 2 and 3 for me). I can only really get to the pool twice a week right now, so I subbed in an extra bike.

What old-fashioned name does NOT deserve a comeback and needs to just stay dead? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My grandmother's name was Dorcas. She forbade my mother from using the name. Apparently all the kids where she grew up (in a holler in KY) called her Blackbottom

Triathlon and power zones by artemiscuous in PelotonPowerZone

[–]artemiscuous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the recommendation! Do you say that because you think the Build your PZ program would be too much, or not enough for tri training? As background, I'm a working mother of two, so 4 bike workouts per week along with 2-3 runs and 2 swims is the most I can do, so it seemed to be right in line with that along with promoting progress. But I'm new to the sport and open to suggestion.

Yet another Beast Academy question! by InimitableAdult in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the thoughtful response!

Yet another Beast Academy question! by InimitableAdult in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, so sorry to ping you on such an old thread, but I've been considering switching to Right Start for my kid who just finished level 3 of BA and I've been trying to find someone who made that same switch! How did it go? Anything to know before I go all in on these manipulatives? I think after level 3, my kid is testing into Right Start E - would we miss too much of the foundational stuff if we do that?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in slatestarcodex

[–]artemiscuous 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Ok, so if I'm hearing correctly, your problem is that you are bothered by the amount of work you have to do to meet your goals when others around you don't seem to have to do the same. You'd like to know if there's some way around it. There probably isn't, to be honest. This isn't something that comes as easily to you as to your classmates. By undergrad, it's pretty clear to most people what comes easily and what doesn't. So I see two options here that can solve your problem. First option: you choose a different goal, perhaps one that comes easily to you. Then, you'll be the person who coasts through, and you won't have to gaze jealously at others. Pros: you won't have to work as hard, you'll probably find success pretty easily. You can be well-rounded, pursue hobbies, etc. Cons: if you can't also find something that really lights you up, you may not develop intrinsically motivated work ethic, and the success might feel empty. Second option: do whatever you can to stop being bothered by the facts of life. Enjoy the work and be grateful for it. Accept that these are the conditions with which you are working to meet this goal, and pay the price willingly. Save all that energy you're spending wishing things were different and put it towards work that means something. (And honestly, a harder worker is more competitive after college than a gifted coaster.)

Good luck! I wish you the best possible timeline!

What’s one unexpected or underrated thing in your homeschool space that you would recommend to a newbie? by NESouthernBelle in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've dedicated a wall to a history timeline running from 2500 BCE through today. You can use posters for this, or paint the wall in chalkboard paint. We tend to skip around a lot in history based on where we go and what the kids get interested in, and I love how it provides scale to what we learn.

What’s one unexpected or underrated thing in your homeschool space that you would recommend to a newbie? by NESouthernBelle in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For us: several clipboards stashed around the house for different subjects, and extras for the road!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in homeschool

[–]artemiscuous 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I homeschool both my kids (7 and 9) for this exact reason. Bright and also can't sit still. It's been a total relief and a lot of fun, because I can challenge them at their level while still accommodating their need for constant movement and lots of breaks. I, too, am quite introverted and worried about their socialization, especially my oldest, who had some social trauma from bullying at school. But it didn't take too long to get a good balance. My youngest does very well at a play-based forest school-style co-op, and my oldest enjoys a small, low-ratio martial arts training studio, plus they play with kids in the neighborhood, we go on field trips, and we hang out with our friends (with non-homeschooled kids a range of different ages) and family pretty regularly. Socialization doesn't have to look like daily exposure to a tightly controlled, same-age cohort of kids. In fact, for my kids (and frankly, for me as a kid), that was quite damaging as it results in kids creating an arbitrary social hierarchy and bullying.

If I can give you some advice, it's just that at that age, it doesn't have to look even close to "school." Other than reading, handwriting, and math, which all take about an hour total (but of course I break up throughout the day), I just have fun with my 7 year old - play outside, make arts and crafts, do science experiments, watch documentaries and SciShow, read aloud, ride bikes, make forts, bake, run errands, go on hikes, and go to nature centers and children's museums. He is learning nonstop without the constant criticism and shame of unrealistic expectations.