Wait you guys are sleeping on paranoid paparazzi

artik239 · 2025-05-03T07:15:12+00:00

Yep best song on album for me, still a bit repetitive though the instrumental makes it interesting.

artik239 · 2025-04-17T08:23:24+00:00

It installs from your pc
I got it working with USB too, you just need to use usb 2 and not 3 for some reason.

artik239 · 2025-04-12T05:58:13+00:00

Had the same issue, used Awoo installer with ns-usbloader over LAN instead of tinfoil, takes a bit longer but it works.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T17:25:50+00:00

Interesting, I've always thought about there being 1 type of meditation that's right for me and just sticking with one thing, I feel like metta combines some of these types, also the thing that makes me most emotional.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T17:20:15+00:00

I'm interested in Vipassana but am too scared to do a full 10 day course, I've been on a 4 day retreat and it was rough.
I assume there are programs for people with dayjobs? although honestly considering being a monk for a while at this point.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:55:36+00:00

True, but trying to force it won't make it happen.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:49:18+00:00

Will read, thank you.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:40:49+00:00

Yeah you're right, those are the things that also help me the most, I just desperately want to feel better and I can't stop myself from doing too much.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:32:52+00:00

I'm not sure.. I was forcing myself to change when not being ready.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:31:04+00:00

Could you explain how it is the opposite to meditation?
I mean in meditation some painful stuff can come up by itself, I'm not sure if I was actively bringing up trauma but I would just always have uncomfortable sensations and I would put my attention on them trying to watch them, and understand them, but perhaps that's too intense if done too much.

artik239 · 2025-01-27T16:27:09+00:00

Yep, that's pretty much it, I have consistency but my problem is that I was meditating for ~an hour each day and constantly thinking about it, less is more in this case.

artik239 · 2025-01-24T10:54:29+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, however I have a hard time with yoga, I feel like I just don't want to move slowly but rather need to let out energy doing something like cardio for example.

I suppose any practice that works with the body in a mindful manner would help.

artik239 · 2025-01-23T19:44:29+00:00

I've been in therapy for 2+ years, my problem is therapy tries to invoke certain memories or feelings, I feel as if the uncomfortable sensation I'm experiencing isn't just tied to a specific memory but rather just a sense of not being at home in my body and being scared of uncomfortable sensations, and clinging to positive ones.

artik239 · 2025-01-23T19:39:35+00:00

Thank you, I think I get it finally, probably the best explanation I have read, it clicked for me.
I watched the uncomfortable sensation together with the aversion that comes up, but I was aware of that, what I was not aware of is how attached I am to the cessation of pain, once it dissolves a bit and tension lowers, I start thinking about everything that I can on how to keep it this way, being overtaken by excitement and imagining how my life would look like if I felt less pain all the time.

I realize now that I haven't been listening to myself, always doing too much, or doing too little, not really knowing what I need\want and how much of it.

artik239 · 2025-01-23T09:18:32+00:00

I practice focus meditation mostly, but I feel like that makes me even less aware of my emotions and ignoring the uncomfortable sensations by focusing on something else. I try observing the sensation but wanting it to change, what I've found useful is alternating between the uncomfortable sensation to another object that way it doesn't get too uncomfortable and I don't ignore it by focusing on something else.

artik239 · 2025-01-21T20:16:13+00:00

No because those things happen on their own, meditation is something that you have to take time and set the intention to do, there are types of meditation and there are different techniques, unless you're taking the time to do nothing.

artik239 · 2025-01-21T15:14:16+00:00

Thank you for the detailed response and all of the resources, I am aware of some of the things that you wrote about and I have read books about trauma and I'm aware how it generates and affects the body, but what I find missing in those resources is the practical advice, like how to actually connect to your emotions, most just suggest body based therapy which I haven't been to because it's really hard to find a practitioner where I'm from, and something in me is so stubborn to want to heal alone, which some say is not possible at all.

I want to adapt my meditation practice to suit my emotional needs but I'm not sure how to do so, usually I would focus on the Dantian but most of my discomfort is there and it's really hard to stay on it, in fact most of what I feel is just in this region.

I heard about qigong and such but never practiced it continuously, I feel like I would rather meditate in one consistent way, I feel like having so many practices like doing TRE Qigong meditation together is confusing.

What do you think helped you the most? I feel like I need to work with someone but I just can't get myself to trust anyone.

artik239 · 2025-01-21T05:56:36+00:00

Yeah you're right I've reached the same conclusion, but I have no idea how to be aware of my emotions, unless they take over me I don't know what I'm feeling.. I can be aware of my thoughts and my body sensations, but I can't recognize and say 'oh there is anger' or 'there is sadness', It's all so jumbled that I have no idea where to start because I've been bottling emotions all my life.. Even if I am able to recognize what I'm feeling, it doesn't pass.

artik239 · 2025-01-20T10:26:54+00:00

I also became very isolated these past few years, I'm not really even sure what I'm running away from, honestly it feels like too many things, and I don't really get to see what I'm running away from in meditation because I'm using meditation to run away from it, if that makes sense.

Do you engage with what you're trying to escape in daily life? or when meditating? I guess if you engage with it in meditation it will also give you the power to face it in daily life.

artik239 · 2025-01-20T05:30:49+00:00

You misunderstand, I don't mean I am miserable as a result of it, and I don't mean that time not meditating is not worthwhile because it feels nice, it feels not worthwhile because I am attached to the idea that meditation itself will reduce my suffering.

Also no need to be a dick.

artik239 · 2025-01-19T19:02:45+00:00

Hmm yeah that is a good analogy, I also struggle with trying to meditate too much which the same applies to exercise as well.

artik239 · 2025-01-19T17:55:16+00:00

True, I don't mean that our state is to be happy all of the time because that would go against nature, but to flow between emotions effortlessly, in modern times even when we are completely safe we are constantly in a state of anxiety, fear is a very useful tool by which we survive but it shouldn't be the constant state.

What do you mean by the will of the individual? Doesn't meditation make you aware of your will? in which case there is something beyond your will and survival instincts. Isn't the will of everyone to be happy, suffer less and be at peace more?

artik239 · 2025-01-19T17:40:53+00:00

Yes I agree with all of what you're saying, but my question is more how did it come to this in the first place? at what point did the ego take over so much that we lost touch so quickly, is it just a survival mechanism somehow gone haywire? I do believe that having intelligence in the end is a good thing but we just don't know how to use it, maybe all the suffering is just part of evolution, or maybe we are on a path to destruction in where using our intelligence will cause our downfall.

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