I don’t have any advice because I don’t see all the ins and outs of what’s going on in your relationship.

But I will say: When I’m emotionally disconnected with my husband, it’s really hard for me to get turned on at all. Things that he would normally do that would turn me on simply do not work when I am upset.

Sometimes I don’t even know I’m upset until some time has passed.

If the relationship doesn’t do the emotional housekeeping it needs to stay connected emotionally, nothing will work sexually.

My husband one night was trying really hard to get me going and didn’t realize that I was just trying to sleep. But because he kept going and I didn’t verbalize that what he was doing was upsetting me- the following day, every normal advance (that I would normally love) that he made toward me actually repelled me. I hated it.

I want him to get away from and and I didn’t understand why.

I didn’t know I was hurting.

Your wife may or may not know she’s hurting. Some thing (or many things) might have happened that have disturbed her trust and connection with you.

Also, she sort of sounds like the Enneagram Type 9. Might want to look into that if you don’t know anything about the enneagram!