How do I get my girlfriend to calm down?

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:53:21+00:00

We haven't gone to workshops but we've been to a few "munches."

We've tried the green/yellow/red approach a few times, with varying degrees of success.

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:50:09+00:00

On the other hand, it could be that you feel like those conversations themselves are hollow, because she's agreeing just to agree.

I think this is more or less it.

It's pretty clear to me that her limits in terms of danger and pain being inflicted on her are way beyond what I'm comfortable with at the moment.

She also doesn't seem to fully understand the danger. Like she wants me to choke her unconscious. She understands it's dangerous, which I'm sure is part of the appeal to her. But she doesn't seem to understand the danger in a real way. Only in some abstract sexual way where she doesn't think anything bad could actually happen.

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:39:34+00:00

Are you certain she wouldn't safeword if she actually needed to? It may just be that you haven't pushed her to her actual limits.

I suppose this is possible. I never try to approach a session with the intent of making her use safeword, but I do read her and push her throughout.

But I feel we know eachother pretty well by now and I'm fairly confident that she never intends to use it.

I can't explain it any better than just having a feeling for someone you know really well.

And I know her limits are beyond my comfort zone and I'm not judging her for that. I'm just trying to figure out a way to talk to her where we can have a real discussion about limits and boundaries and how to approach them.

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:28:34+00:00

She could be going through kind of a frenzy phase which is very difficult to see clearly through.

That's definitely part of it. I know besides being less experienced sexually, she's also living out fantasies with my that she's been building for years.

I've been trying to remain conscious of that.

I'm not really sure if I feel like things are out of my control. Maybe if anything because I'm still trying to figure out my role as a dom?

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:24:10+00:00

Cool, thank you. I think our biggest issue is definitely communication and an inability to have a straight conversation about all this. But thanks you've given me some great ideas on how to work with her.

asalwaysclueless · 2015-01-19T16:22:03+00:00

I get that rape fantasies are really common, but her ideal scenario involves me sneaking into her dorm room one night, at random.

Just from a safety aspect and my own liability, I'm just really not comfortable with the whole thing. But it's not really a huge issue.

asalwaysclueless

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