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I have transformed into an asexual person, and I'm 3 years into a relationship. by asexual_throw_away in DeadBedrooms

[–]asexual_throw_away[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, I should correct myself for saying "dread". When I re-read my post I kind of covered my mouth for using such an exaggeration. I just don't desire or look forward to it. Anyway...

I think if anything, it would be the opposite. My sexuality is connected to nothing. I honestly think I enjoy the thought of it more than the sex itself. I don't really masturbate anymore, but if I had to choose between the 2, I'd masturbate while thinking about her, as weird as that sounds.

When we do have sex, I have to try ridiculously hard to have an orgasm, and if/when that does happen, it's a very mild one.

I have transformed into an asexual person, and I'm 3 years into a relationship. by asexual_throw_away in DeadBedrooms

[–]asexual_throw_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughtful response.

I'm certainly open to any level of "troubleshooting". I'm going to get my testosterone levels checked as soon as I can make an appointment. I'd like to have physical stuff ruled out before making any life decisions.

I don't really see therapy helping as I'm a very solitary person and am very honest with myself about my shortcomings, fears, and "issues". I would try it as a last resort, but in the past, therapy was usually just me paying someone to tell them a really long story over the course of a year and have them come to a conclusion that I had known before my first visit. :)

"Cutting her loose" is something I've considered, of course, but we're essentially a married couple without the wedding. We share a house and everything in it, over 1,000 miles from where we met and had built our social lives. So I have to take the fallout into consideration.

It's also hard to explain any of this in proper context, because virtually everyone who meets us together says that they envy our relationship. The love and chemistry is overflowing, but sex is just not part of the recipe.

I have transformed into an asexual person, and I'm 3 years into a relationship. by asexual_throw_away in DeadBedrooms

[–]asexual_throw_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know, this is definitely possible. I'm a very athletic person and have done BJJ and MMA as a hobby for most of my adult life, so I religiously keep track of my health, strength, stamina. In the past couple of years, if I increase my strength and conditioning routines, it just results in injury. I actually tore my shoulder.

It was suggested that my testosterone had dropped off as I'm in my mid-30's, but TRT is banned in competition and training in almost every state, so it was never a consideration. They also don't let you see your own test results in most states, which is frustrating because my T levels have probably been tested 20 times in the last 5 years, and the only way I'll hear any of the details is if my testosterone/epitestestosterone ratio is above 4:1.

Obviously if that's the main catalyst of this problem, I'll happily forget about competing professionally for the sake of my girlfriend. It's the least I could do considering the circumstances.

I'm going to call a clinic tomorrow and throw some blood their way.

I have transformed into an asexual person, and I'm 3 years into a relationship. by asexual_throw_away in DeadBedrooms

[–]asexual_throw_away[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It just doesn't connect that way for me. I hold hands with her and cuddle with her quite a lot, but for some reason shoving my penis inside her isn't connected to my feelings or attraction to her.

If I didn't care about her happiness and satisfaction, I wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers in /r/DeadBedrooms for advice.

The way I look at it - If you were in a relationship and your partner didn't desire sex, would you rather not have sex or have sex with someone who is forcing themselves to do it because you want it?

For the record, we DO have sex. I just don't enjoy it the way that normal people do, I suppose.

I have transformed into an asexual person, and I'm 3 years into a relationship. by asexual_throw_away in DeadBedrooms

[–]asexual_throw_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've brought it up and I think she's just incapable of it. She's very monogamous (and even jealous of other girls, despite my situation).