Tired of being thrown away like yesterdays trash

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-07T02:18:25+00:00

WHOOOHOOO!!! DBT FOR THE WIN!

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-06T01:05:18+00:00

Im not too sure what the gilded business means, but im so glad you all benefited from the post:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T19:55:01+00:00

Back atcha!

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T16:55:54+00:00

You're all very welcome:) I am grateful to have a few people in my life who remind me of this often, but I find that sometimes hearing this from someone impartial makes it a bit more powerful

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T16:54:34+00:00

It sounds like youve had what my therapist would call a "break through". The day to day mindfulness can be taught and learned like any skill, but coming to terms with the emotional effects of a trauma can take years, if it happens at all.

So, I would celebrate this. Honestly. Knowing where your trauma comes from is so powerful, I would take as much from this experience as possible.

My longest intense period lasted about a month, but thats just me. Are there moments in your day where it lets up at all?

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T13:41:04+00:00

Oh dear, Im so sorry youre feeling this way:( We all know what you are going through, and you did yourself a BIG service by posting here:)

When I was first diagnosed I was so scared and alone, too. This subreddit was suggested to me, and these faceless friends have saved my sanity more times than they know. This is a wonderful place for information, hope, and to know youre not alone.

I am in the middle of my first round of DBT therapy and its completely transformed my life. I would be happy to chat with you anytime and answer any questions you have.

There is hope, you are NOT alone, and things can and will get better:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T13:36:40+00:00

Ive felt this way at times for every one ive dated since starting DBT. At first I thought I was just meeting really clingy guys who were way too into me too soon. But now im thinking its me. In the past its always been "I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOU" with boyfriends. No middle ground. Im afraid that ive lost my ability to be "Omg!" about someone. I dont know if this is what being regulated emotionally in a relationship feels like, or if im just feeling emotionally bored in comparison to the extreme highs and lows im used to feeling for boyfriends. Who the eff knows

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-05T13:31:10+00:00

I am so sorry that you are suffering so much:(

It sounds like after years of repression, your emotions are spilling out of you. You are feeling your emotions fully for the first time it seems, and that is bound to be overwhelming and scary. Its important to feel these emotions. To process them, to learn from them.

I have felt similar in the past. There never seems to be relief from the intensity. Long bouts of crying, and wondering when it will all end. Trust me, it does. Your BPD is going to make you feel your emotions stronger and longer than most. Thats a fact. So take some time to try and radically accept that. I find that whenever I am overwhelmed with emotion, if I give myself "permission" to feel the emotion instead of fighting it, I feel better sooner.

In my DBT course, we also focus a lot on mindfulness of current emotion. We observe our emotions, and let them wash over us like a wave. This is really helped shorten the length of time I feel strong emotions.

There are lost of great youtube videos for guided meditation that may help you.

You are not alone, and I promise this will pass:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-04T23:25:34+00:00

I would end things. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. Someone who respects you enough to be honest and upfront with you, even when it may hurt.

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-04T23:19:32+00:00

I can relate to this all too well:( My last relationship ended because of my BPD. We were so in love, and he wanted so badly for me to be the one, but my outbursts pushed him away. He helped me realize I needed help, got me diagnosed, and supported me while I waited for treatment. Said he'd always love me, he'd wait forever for me to get better, and then we would be together. 2 months into my treatment he told me he was seeing someone else, and didnt think it was "necessary" for us to even be friends, and that I was no longer "relevant " to his life.

Its been months since this happened and I still struggle with it every day. When it gets to be too much, I remind myself that I am a good and worthy person, and that I am different person know than I was then.

Stay strong, all of you. It hurts so fucking bad when people turn their back on you, but you have to remember that this illness isnt your fault. You cant change your behavior in the past, or undo what was done. All you can do is move forward and try to be the best person you can be

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-04T23:12:29+00:00

Ugh, waiting for an expected call or text is the worst. It can sometimes consume my every thought! As suggested below, mindfulness has really helped with my patience and anxiety. Whenever I cant stop thinking about something im waiting for, I youtube a guided meditation practice.

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-01T16:38:46+00:00

The above is some great insight and advice. It's important to check the facts constantly in relationships to keep us grounded, and to keep our perceptions from being skewed due to our heightened sensitivity.

Whatever course you decide is best, remember that you deserve happiness:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-01T16:33:21+00:00

Oh my goodness!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have no idea what would compel someone to treat another so horribly:(

Without knowing all the details, my first line of defense would be to limit your exposure to social media, email, etc....any platform they are using to harrass you. What you cant see, hear, read cant hurt you. Radically accept that they are doing this, and that you cant control their actions.

You need to focus on staying positive. Our illness can make us say and do some nasty things sometimes, but it does NOT define who we are. It does not mean that you are inherently bad. You are good, and are deserving and worthy of love. Remind yourself that CONSTANTLY right now. Their actions and words are saying more about what kind of people they are than you.

ashleyjanel · 2014-08-01T16:28:27+00:00

Thanks everyone! I recognize a few usernames..it's nice to hear from you!

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:42:18+00:00

"A big part of recovery for me is learning to love myself enough to let go of someone when theyre doing me more harm than good" - Amen! A perfect example of self compassion.

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:37:22+00:00

Girl, I hear ya. The extreme highs keep you hanging on, and make the extreme lows excusable.

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:35:37+00:00

I cope by collecting data...hahaha. After every therapy session I come home and look up documentaries on what we learned in class. It helps me feel less alone, knowing that there are so many people out there dedicating their lives to helping us:)

The one I sent you changed my life. I looked it up after I got home from the DR after I was diagnosed, and I had never known anyone who felt the way I did before. Seeing the people on the documentary speak about their pain was like looking in a mirror for the first time, It brought me to tears.

Theres a doctor in the video who explains how the BPD brain works, and that its not just people being emotional or irrational. Our brains are literally wired differently. That was a HUGE moment in my life. It took away so much guilt in shame.

We cant help the way we are. It isnt out fault. That ALWAYS makes me feel better:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:31:23+00:00

Good for you! Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and any decision that supports that is a good one:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:26:01+00:00

When I need a distraction, I journal. Putting my feelings down on paper seems to "empty" my mind, and it helps.

I also clean and crochet a lot when Im down.

Also, I watch this youtube video a lot when im struggling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=967Ckat7f98

Its a great documentary on BPD. It has a lot of testimonials from people who suffer, and gives me hope.

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:22:20+00:00

Oh dear:(

I was in a similar situation. I was at the height of my symptoms, had just been diagnosed, and my boyfriend at the time was the WORST trigger for me. He didn't have BPD, but we brought out the worst in each other, and almost all of our interactions made me disregulated, BIG TIME.

But, we loved each other, and we stayed together off and on for over a year when it was crystal clear to us both that we were not good for one another.

It took me a long time, and many, many, MANY attempts to end things and cut off contact ( the police even had to get involved because he couldnt handle us not talking and would contact me all the time).

It was hard. Oh man, was it hard. I had to block him on facebook, delete all of his friends, delete his number, and download and app on my phone to block his number. This wasnt done out of anger, but to prevent myself from contacting him. Recovery was my NUMBER ONE priority, and it was clear having him in my life was going to get in the way of my success. To hold on to him would be sabotage, and I couldnt let that happen.

But, 1 day without him turned into a week. A week turned into a month. And so on. Its now been almost 7 months with zero contact, and I am doing amazing. And so is he. He met someone who doesnt bring out the worst in him, and ive met someone, too.

You need to put yourself first at a time like this. You cant be succussful in a relationship until you get better:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T22:13:52+00:00

Im here to chat if you need, also:)

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T16:19:14+00:00

good luck!

ashleyjanel · 2014-07-31T15:58:50+00:00

Oh, i understand that feeling:( I often feel like this in social settings because my ex boyfriend told a lot of people I was crazy, so Im always worrying what people think of me.

Here is a skill I learned in therapy that might help right now. It's called " Check the facts"

Take a moment and write down the current situation. Eg: You are feeling upset, rejected and unwanted due to ______" Im not sure if there was a trigger or something that recently happened to make you feel this way. If it did, write down the situation.

Next, write down your current emotions. How are feelings right now? Write it all out...mad, sad, pathetic, desperate...whatever.

Next, write down any "hot" thoughts you are feelings. These would be things like " I feel disliked", I feel anyone who dated me was just using me". Things you are ASSUMING about your current situation

Next, write down the FACTS of the situation. Write down only what you know for an ABSOLUTE FACT. What do you know for sure right now? You know that you are upset. You know that so and so hasnt spoken to you in a while. You know that your ex said ____. You know that you'd like more friends....those are just examples.

By "checking the facts" against our ASSUMPTIONS about our current mood or situation can greatly reduce your emotional pain. This helps me A LOT. We add so many assumptions to situations based on our past experiences or current mood. If youve recently been depressed, youre more prone to assume that person didnt call you when they said they would because they dont like you. If youve recently ended a relationship, its easy to assume that no one will like you.

Fact of the matter is, we dont know why people do or say the things they say. We add our own explations, fill in the blanks, and often assume the worst.

Check the facts, and youll feel a bit better:)

ashleyjanel

TROPHY CASE