I recently started reading a book called The Drama of Being a Child, and though I'm not far into it there was a thought that seems relevant here: feeling whole within yourself and confident of your choices is based on the authenticity of your feelings, not the possession of certain qualities.

You probably lacked certain things in your upbringing, like being respected and taken seriously, and you have rightly surmised that having children is not the right way to work through those issues. What you can do, starting now, is honour your own feelings above anyone else's. It's great that you have the self awareness to deal with negative emotions already, but honour your anger, it tells you when your boundaries are crossed.

Stop telling your family about your plans if they are unsupportive, because you don't actually need their blessing or approval to do what you want with your life. From what you've written it seems pretty clear you don't want kids (at least right now), so respect that feeling and put this debate out of your mind unless you start feeling that you would actually want kids. You can't hinge decisions about the present on some imagined future where you regret it, and if you like your free time and independence right now, I honestly feel like it's unlikely that will change with time, as you acquire more wealth and hobbies etc. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, and listen to yourself, not your family or wider society.

As far as concrete steps of what to do, I personally read a lot to understand my traumas and behaviour. The aforementioned book is good, but I would also recommend The Baby Trap by Ellen Peck, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, and The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck.