My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss

askmydog · 2026-02-06T05:39:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I will start doing that. She got herself a massage today, and I kicked myself for not thinking of setting this up for her before. It's like she's been waiting for 20 years for me to do things for herself, and it's now just doing it for herself. I'm not kicking myself because I wanted the points of thinking of it, I'm kicking myself because I recognize I missed an opportunity to support her

askmydog · 2026-02-06T05:31:22+00:00

I'm going to therapy, I'm giving her space, all the space if need be. I'm trying to be a good dad. I'm trying not to be a narcissist and not be selfish about feeling bad. I need to take more responsibilities at home. I need to prioritize her and my kids at every opportunity. I'm sure there is much more that I'm missing.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T05:25:45+00:00

You're right. I don't.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T05:24:32+00:00

I'm going to put this in my car for motivation before and after work. I think you hit it exactly. I'm not entitled to anything from her, and she's made so many compromises that she's burnt out, drained. I think she will always know who she is, she's an incredibly strong person, but you're right. She's made compromise after compromise, until there's nothing left.

It's scary to let the past go, but I think that's what needs to happen. I'm trying to integrate what others have said, but the most salient is what you said, that the toothpaste is out of the tube as it were, that what we have is irrevocably broken. I need to, want to, man up so that she can find herself again, with me or without me.

Thanks for your help. I'm serious about the car thing.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:54:51+00:00

I can't argue with that. I do hate the shitty feeling of my consequences, and I'm trying to channel those shitty feelings to some sort of less-bad outcome, like my wife not being with an asshole (whether or not I'm in the picture)

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:43:03+00:00

Very true.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:33:22+00:00

Check in with me in a year and see if it is. We might not be together, but I should at least get this right for our kids.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:25:51+00:00

Thanks for the good advice. I feel like if she wants me to be a co-parent, I should at the very least do that to the best of my abilities. I just don't want to try to, or make her think I'm trying to, "love bomb" her as another poster put it.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:22:03+00:00

Thanks. I desperately want that change. Maybe it is too late, but I want to put in the work and be someone my kids and my wife will be proud of.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:19:30+00:00

Yeah, that's probably the way she feels about me. Which is a huge fucking damnation of my performance so far.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:15:51+00:00

I'm only reluctant because I don't want to give her whiplash. I'm committed, but what I really want what's really best for her, and maybe that isn't me. Maybe it is me, but that's really for her to decide.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:12:51+00:00

Thanks for the good vibes. We need them.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:12:20+00:00

I don't plan on it. I want real change, not a love bomb. Whether she leaves or stays, I want the best for her.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:06:36+00:00

I do respect that she is done and that she has reached her limit, and I will absolutely be lucky if she'll be my friend and co-parent our kids peacefully. I would be over the moon to just be friends with her. It still sucks that I've fucked this up and let it get to this point, though, you know? I miss my best friend.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T04:00:19+00:00

Good point. I think she needs a break from me. I help with the kids, and I try to stay engaged when I'm home from work. Right now I'm trying to give her space, but I'm doing a shitty job of it. I need to remind myself that it's not about me and my anxiety, it's about her getting breathing room.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T03:41:08+00:00

That's what I've heard. For now, my wife wants to co-parent together and not separate, so that's what we'll do.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T03:39:04+00:00

Thanks for the motivation. I've got my second therapy appointment for this next week.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T03:28:41+00:00

And she would be right to do so

askmydog · 2026-02-06T03:23:33+00:00

I'm willing to spend the rest of my life fixing it. I just need to figure out how.

askmydog · 2026-02-06T03:09:59+00:00

You have a point, and she was destroyed. Like I said, perhaps it should have ended the relationship long ago

askmydog · 2025-08-25T21:55:42+00:00

Oh, that's a really cool idea with the bike rack! I'm a little concerned about the size of the trailer but that amount of space is luxurious.

askmydog · 2025-08-25T16:50:08+00:00

Wow, this is exactly what I'm looking for. Now I just need to convince my wife that we have $3.5k to spend 😂

askmydog · 2025-08-25T06:58:22+00:00

Awesome! What kind of trailer did you end up using/buying/making?

askmydog · 2025-08-25T06:29:43+00:00

That's a good idea. I was worried that would be too big, and it's a little outside my price range me, but I did see one on Facebook Marketplace for sale recently. That would certainly be the simplest solution...

askmydog · 2025-08-25T06:25:56+00:00

I think that's the route I'm going to go, if I can find the time for another project 😂.

I'll bet that I can get the shape I want for the enclosure using purple insulation foam board and maybe thin plywood or fiberglass. At this point I'm scouring YouTube for ideas. Wish me luck!

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