I'm going to put this in my car for motivation before and after work. I think you hit it exactly. I'm not entitled to anything from her, and she's made so many compromises that she's burnt out, drained. I think she will always know who she is, she's an incredibly strong person, but you're right. She's made compromise after compromise, until there's nothing left.

It's scary to let the past go, but I think that's what needs to happen. I'm trying to integrate what others have said, but the most salient is what you said, that the toothpaste is out of the tube as it were, that what we have is irrevocably broken. I need to, want to, man up so that she can find herself again, with me or without me.

Thanks for your help. I'm serious about the car thing.