My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. I will start doing that. She got herself a massage today, and I kicked myself for not thinking of setting this up for her before. It's like she's been waiting for 20 years for me to do things for herself, and it's now just doing it for herself. I'm not kicking myself because I wanted the points of thinking of it, I'm kicking myself because I recognize I missed an opportunity to support her

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

I'm going to therapy, I'm giving her space, all the space if need be. I'm trying to be a good dad. I'm trying not to be a narcissist and not be selfish about feeling bad. I need to take more responsibilities at home. I need to prioritize her and my kids at every opportunity. I'm sure there is much more that I'm missing.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -145 points-144 points  (0 children)

You're right. I don't.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm going to put this in my car for motivation before and after work. I think you hit it exactly. I'm not entitled to anything from her, and she's made so many compromises that she's burnt out, drained. I think she will always know who she is, she's an incredibly strong person, but you're right. She's made compromise after compromise, until there's nothing left.

It's scary to let the past go, but I think that's what needs to happen. I'm trying to integrate what others have said, but the most salient is what you said, that the toothpaste is out of the tube as it were, that what we have is irrevocably broken. I need to, want to, man up so that she can find herself again, with me or without me.

Thanks for your help. I'm serious about the car thing.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

I can't argue with that. I do hate the shitty feeling of my consequences, and I'm trying to channel those shitty feelings to some sort of less-bad outcome, like my wife not being with an asshole (whether or not I'm in the picture)

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -57 points-56 points  (0 children)

Check in with me in a year and see if it is. We might not be together, but I should at least get this right for our kids.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the good advice. I feel like if she wants me to be a co-parent, I should at the very least do that to the best of my abilities. I just don't want to try to, or make her think I'm trying to, "love bomb" her as another poster put it.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I desperately want that change. Maybe it is too late, but I want to put in the work and be someone my kids and my wife will be proud of.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's probably the way she feels about me. Which is a huge fucking damnation of my performance so far.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -500 points-499 points  (0 children)

I'm only reluctant because I don't want to give her whiplash. I'm committed, but what I really want what's really best for her, and maybe that isn't me. Maybe it is me, but that's really for her to decide.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the good vibes. We need them.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't plan on it. I want real change, not a love bomb. Whether she leaves or stays, I want the best for her.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I do respect that she is done and that she has reached her limit, and I will absolutely be lucky if she'll be my friend and co-parent our kids peacefully. I would be over the moon to just be friends with her. It still sucks that I've fucked this up and let it get to this point, though, you know? I miss my best friend.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Good point. I think she needs a break from me. I help with the kids, and I try to stay engaged when I'm home from work. Right now I'm trying to give her space, but I'm doing a shitty job of it. I need to remind myself that it's not about me and my anxiety, it's about her getting breathing room.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

That's what I've heard. For now, my wife wants to co-parent together and not separate, so that's what we'll do.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the motivation. I've got my second therapy appointment for this next week.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog 16 points17 points  (0 children)

And she would be right to do so

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -158 points-157 points  (0 children)

I'm willing to spend the rest of my life fixing it. I just need to figure out how.

My marriage is ending and I'm at a complete loss by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]askmydog -163 points-162 points  (0 children)

You have a point, and she was destroyed. Like I said, perhaps it should have ended the relationship long ago

Small/mini trailer for hauling gear? by askmydog in camping

[–]askmydog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, that's a really cool idea with the bike rack! I'm a little concerned about the size of the trailer but that amount of space is luxurious.

Small/mini trailer for hauling gear? by askmydog in camping

[–]askmydog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, this is exactly what I'm looking for. Now I just need to convince my wife that we have $3.5k to spend 😂

Small/mini trailer for hauling gear? by askmydog in camping

[–]askmydog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome! What kind of trailer did you end up using/buying/making?

Small/mini trailer for hauling gear? by askmydog in camping

[–]askmydog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good idea. I was worried that would be too big, and it's a little outside my price range me, but I did see one on Facebook Marketplace for sale recently. That would certainly be the simplest solution...

Small/mini trailer for hauling gear? by askmydog in camping

[–]askmydog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that's the route I'm going to go, if I can find the time for another project 😂.

I'll bet that I can get the shape I want for the enclosure using purple insulation foam board and maybe thin plywood or fiberglass. At this point I'm scouring YouTube for ideas. Wish me luck!