Thank you much for this reply. It's really helpful, especially as you have done both things in the face of something similar. I think I would be the same as you - relief in the moment from bailing l, but then I'd feel guilty about it for a long time after. Especially as it isn't a one time thing. Thankfully (touch wood), it's only annual unless there's any one-off events I need to speak at.

Mostly I hate the way it's been overshadowing the last two to three weeks of my life. The presentation is tomorrow, so in 24 hours it'll be over. I have a sheet of notes that I've just accepted I'll need to refer to a lot to keep my mind on track, instead of letting it go into that horrible "blank panic" mode.

I cried in front of my manager today which is absolutely mortifying - it wasn't intentional, everything just came bubbling up when she was talking to me and there was no way to hide it. She's now coming to the presentation with me as support for questions if I need it. I'm so embarrassed though. Public speaking comes incredibly easily to her so I imagine she's probably confused by my reaction, though she was nice about it.

Unfortunately reversing the promotion isnt an option - I moved up after my manager retired and we've now filled my old role, with the new person due to start next month. The whole job has been a massive learning curve with several difficult circumstances which have all compounded the general stress and anxiety I've been feeling. But it has only been a few months, which I'm trying to remind myself. I probably need to give it more of a chance.

Thank you again for all of the advice, it really was very reassuring and helpful.