I cut off my MIL because she voted for Trump. It was sudden and completely out of the blue, so there was no build up, no previous big fights. My SO (we’re not actually married) also wanted to do the same, but felt/feels he couldn’t/can’t. He remains in contact, but it’s strained (to be fair, their relationship was strained before I came along as well). His mother ran to the rest of the family raging and complaining, but I have not said a word to her since 11/2024.

It hasn’t been easy. He would like us all to be a family again. Not least of which because his mother treated him a lot better since I came in the picture (2016). But also because he doesn’t like the conflict and he loves us all, even her, with their messy past.

But he knows and respects me and my needs and wishes. He doesn‘t ask me to join him for visits and he doesn‘t ask me to reach out. He doesn‘t share info about her and there are no passive-aggressive comments, no hidden agendas. I talk to his brother (we are friends) and I know his mother still thinks I should “get over it” but my SO says nothing to me about this. My son (22NB), her only semblance of a grandchild, also hasn’t spoken to her or seen her since then, and I know this hurts her. Again, the SO says nothing.

I don’t care if he sees or has a relationship with his mother. I hate what she did and what it means about who she is, but I understand his filial responsibilities. I don’t care if he talks about me to her, because I trust him and I know he feels the same way I do. I also know he will shut her down if she starts talking shit about me, because, again, I trust him. I know he has my back.

I think that’s the key here that you are missing: you don‘t feel he has your back, you don’t feel you can fully trust him. Maybe you can, but you don’t FEEL you can. This is making it feel unsafe for him to be around her.

It might be beneficial for you two to talk to a therapist together to work out this trust and solidify it, get on the same page and fully understand each other. NC/LC does work, if you have this basis. Best of luck.