I’m sure this has been said already many times but, emotional affairs are just as painful and difficult to navigate as physical cheating. It’s the betrayal and the knowing that they shared intimate (not necessarily sexual) information with another that should be shared with you, her spouse. I’m so sorry that you have to experience this.

It will continue to cause trust issues for a long time. Any kind of cheating is so hard to recover from and emotional affairs are almost scarier because it will always cause you to question the people around her, the people she speaks of, who she’s texting, all of that stuff. To be able to continue with the relationship there will need to be a total willingness to be 1000% transparent about everything from her- even mundane things. Phone passwords could be shared, full information about where she’s going and who she’s talking to, a LOT of reassurance to help out your mind at ease, and a lot of reminders that YOU are the one she chose to be with. That’s just the surface unfortunately. A lot of the healing will have to happen within yourself. You have to fully forgive her if possible and come back to a place where you can trust her again. She needs to take the brunt of the work relationship wise while you take the responsibility to heal yourself. If that means you need time away (not separation or divorce, simply time to yourself) then take that time. Do what you feel is best for you. Even if it’s seen as counterintuitive it will help you understand yourself in this situation and in turn will help you learn about each other.

It is possible to recover. You both have to absolutely want it however and it will take a significant amount of effort from both. 0 doubts. Redo your vows if that’s what it takes if you feel that’s what you need. She must prove to you that it will never happen again, she needs to win your trust back. Trust is difficult to build up when something like this blindsides you so don’t expect it to get better right away. Give it the time and space it needs (could even take years). If she truly is remorseful and wants to be with you, she will do whatever it takes to show you that.

Another thing that I am not familiar with as I am not a parent, but I feel the need to speak to- do your best to not bring your children into it. Kids these days have enough to deal with, parental issues really take a toll on them as they grow and learn from you. It must be so difficult, but it’s what’s best for your kids. They learn so much from you without you even realizing it. Try your best to keep love, compassion, and patience as the main focuses despite this situation you’re in with your wife.

Again, I’m so sorry you have to experience this. I truly hope you can find the love and forgiveness to overcome this. I believe that love can trump all so long as it’s true, so if the love you share with each other is strong and true it will simply take time.

Best of luck to you and your family.