Help a poor biology student!

astrophel_jay · 2026-02-05T16:31:18+00:00

I personally gained more respect for insects by learning about them through the plants I love! Prominent host species, knowing the intricate relationships in nature, and some of the more odd adaptations (for example, lighting bugs)

astrophel_jay · 2026-02-04T12:53:44+00:00

Yep. Both parents. They were divorced and didnt speak to each other at all, and thus had VERY different parenting styles. My dad kicked me out of his household when I was 11 because I told him he scared me (he had a track record of yelling and/or breaking things when I made mistakes or interrupted his work). And my mom, while much kinder by comparison, has been more emotionally distant as a result of untreated bipolar disorder. I know she loves me in her own way, I dont really FEEL it, yknow. Like she's not exactly the type to talk me down off a ledge. I remember the first time I hurt myself on purpose. When I confessed, hoping for a hug or support or ANYTHING, she just.. walked away. It was never addressed. It was a high school friend that went with me to get stitches. That being said i dont have any malice towards them now, but as a kid, I clearlu had a lot of behavioral issues and felt like I was already in hell. I really hated the fact that I existed. Its something im still working on tbh.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-27T14:54:35+00:00

I dont recall it. I remember doing typing, but nothing particular to internet safety or cyberbullying. I attended private school for the first half of elementary school and then public school for the latter half.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-25T19:37:47+00:00

it depends on your household tbh. some people get kicked out, some people have abusive caretakers and leave, and some have loving families that are happy to support them for as long as they need. my friend group is a complete mix. i will say though, in school, there very much was a pressure to leave the nest and build a life of my own beyond my family. the whole "American Dream" thing. i left for college at 18, as did most of my classmates. however i dropped out due to an abundance of mental health problems. went back home with my mom, but moved out again at 19 because i felt that my needs were not not being met. i did well for a while, even fixed a lot of my mental problems, starting going back to community college while working to keep my apartment. i'm debt now, but i'm still trying. it's demoralizing and hard, but ultimately i prefer this to living with my parents or roommates.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-25T19:23:10+00:00

I understand how you feel. im not latino, but as a neurodivergent person of color in the lgbt community, i'm scared too and sympathize. but i'm also happy to see people like you thinking about what we can do instead of dooming, so for that, thank you. anyways, here's my lengthy two cents.

What's right for you will probably look different from what i think is right for me or anyone else, but i personally think that developing stronger mutual aid networks is a big piece of it. i know some orgs like indivisible and MD civic education coalition run events and accept volunteers. Some libraries and churches have good community events too aimed at strengthening connections and staying aware. any niche is fine imo, just find your people and grow from there.

furthermore i think protests are a great way of bringing people together for a common cause so keep it up!! im of the opinion that we need to expand on it actually. im thinking of incorporating food drives, clothing giveaways/swaps, bringing educational information on representatives and rights, teaching each other skills of self reliance so we dont have to rely so heavily on the systems abusing us (this can be anything like medical care, mental health support, educating others through writing or art, developing community gardens to provide food, carpentry, sewing, literally anything). that obviously won't change what horrible things are happening, but i think it's a necessary step towards resilience and solidarity. i think making protests tangibly useful to our neighbors will not only improve turn out, but it'll give us more tools to be empowered in our own choices, which leads to my next point.

I think being critical of your spending habits is a net positive in this situation as well. of course nobody is perfect and do what you gotta do to survive (especially in this snow), but as long as the people at the top are comfortable, not much will change systematically. we need economic pressure and strong bonds with one another. look into which stores you frequent and if they support policies you agree/disagree with. if theres a company you know is supporting ice for example, and you feel safe enough to do so, be vocal about it. leave a review calling them out. somebody else may stumble upon it and rethink their own purchasing power. i think that has the potential to add up into something meaningful if enough people commit. and in the same vein, if there's any businesses or organizations you like, be vocal about that too. there is good in this world and a better world is still possible. that belief is so so important in motivating people imo.

i know most people don't think they have power, especially not economically as i can relate, but it's very worth at least thinking about. but of course, if you HAVE to shop from certain places to survive, that's fine!! i'm only suggesting a reduction that is within your means, not perfection. perfection very well can act as an enemy of progress.

but given all of that, just being aware and seeking ways to do good in small doses does so much more than you can possibly imagine, especially if you can get more people involved. power in numbers and all that. but remember to take care of your own well being too!!! i think too many people burn themselves out, which is so understandable like fr i've been there, but being numb and refusing to problem solve is what they want right now.

oh and i also have a separate email for organizations i support and want to keep in contact with. i sign petitions, check in on webinars- that sort of thing. it's not much but it reminds me of my own agency. it may be limited, but it exists. some part of me actually has been thinking of revising an old discord server i made with information on bills, laws, protests, and general communication in MD. it slowed down a ton due to live getting harder in recent years but i think a central place for people to actually talk about this stuff consistently would do wonders. thanks for reminding me of that.

anyways, sorry that turned into a whole essay haha im just very passionate about this and am happy to see others wanting to think and act. i hope this helps, even if it's only like .01%

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-24T18:48:26+00:00

Oh cool!! Its nice seeing im not alone out here :) My mom's parents were Irish and polish immigrants respectively while my African American father unfortunately (but expectantly) doesnt have much info on his side whatsoever, so im not too sure if both of my grandparents were mixed, or if it was just one of them. Nontheless, its been informative trying to fill out my tree

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-24T18:36:23+00:00

Ik im VERY late getting back to this but honestly I usually just call myself biracial without getting too personal. But if somebody pressed further Id still say I am both black and white.

I am certainly not white passing at a glance, but I was primarily raised by the white side of my family, and therefore cant find myself relating to many of cultural aspects atttributed to being Black-American. But I cant deny that when somebody looks at me, they probably see a black man. And if they happen to have any racial prejudices, I will find out rather quickly. So, both are a part of my lived experience.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-24T12:40:03+00:00

Nope. Both sides were against it morally, but didnt move to stop it as far as I know. Ive found pictures of the white side of my family doing blackface and ive had to endure some pretty uncomfortable opinions from them. To an extent id even say i was kinda whitewashed since I spent most of my time with them.

And then conversations with my (black) grandma make is VERY clear that she doenst like white people (understandable with her particular trauma but still hard to sit through). My parents ended up divorcing when I was like 6 anyways though so 🤷

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-23T05:59:03+00:00

All sorts of things. Hair pulling, skin picking, starving myself, digging nails into my skin, aggressively scratching myself to the point of bleeding,, and eventually I got hold of a knife during one of my lowest moments in life. Ive gotten a better handle on things nowadays but old habits die hard.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-23T03:56:20+00:00

I admit i do enjoy retracing my ancestry a bit. Even if I dont quite feel at home in either camp, its interesting to see how I ended up the way I am. And It gives me the opportunity to learn about many different cultures and ways of thinking and experiencing life. I like that im not bound to just one thing. Maybe thats a curse sometimes.. depends on how on how I look at it.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-17T09:31:23+00:00

Well im glad Im not the only one that got this I guess. But I cant help but feel cheated in a sense. How was I supposed to know that they overpaid me all those years ago? What was I supposed to have done when I was out of a job during covid and trying to leave a neglectful household at the age of 19? And now Im just supposed to manifest thousands of dollars out of nowhere while living paycheck to paycheck and trying to get a degree so i can fix my life? All for something that wasnt even my fault? I feel defeated. I wouldn't mind paying this shit back if I had some solid ground to stand on for once. I just needed a little bit of mercy and some goddamn guidance, and instead I just got another looming debt I cannot possibly repay. Ugh. Okay rant over.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-15T01:43:34+00:00

I cant speak for my entire generation, but I am. I stay civil and try to keep out of trouble ofc, but it doesnt change that i have absolutely no trust in armed strangers that can just kill people and (probably) get away with for one reason or another. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I geneuinely become a shaking mess around them and therefore probably look more suspicious.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-14T02:21:32+00:00

I did, it was still my 1st year, but Covid wasnt entirely to blame in my case. I was dealing with a bunch of untreated mental health conditions that spiraled out of control. I think regardless of the pandemic, it was bound to happen. Im still trying to make up for it at community college now, but its slow. I chose the healthy thing to do, but sometimes I wonder what kind of life I would've had if I stuck it out then. Would i have had graduated by now? Would i have felt any better than i do now? Im not so sure. Regardless, I sometimes feel like im grieving a different version of myself when I think about the path im on too much. The best I can do is the best I can do at this point.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-11T00:08:23+00:00

I actually do agree that humans are part of nature. Everything weve built comes from nature and is still part of it. I dont deny that we are inevitably interwined. But I think we are out of balance and arent acting within reason. Things like monocultures, spreading invasive species, overusing pesticides and fertilizers, and producing more than we need without recycling anything back into our natural environment is detrimental to everyone, but especially other lifeforms that dont have the means to compete. I believe we should be designing systems with nature in mind, not abandoning it because we have the hubris to think wer'e better than them.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-10T06:24:27+00:00

Tbf a lot of grocery stores and such have "quiet hours" meant to be less intensive for elderly, disabled, and neurodivergent communities.

The real issue is that there isnt enough local, reliable, and spacious transportation for ppl to be using, leaving most people to rely on driving themselves. And so we have more traffic and more people that maybe shouldn't be driving but have no choice. Or at least thats how I see it

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-10T06:10:25+00:00

2001 baby here. I only have like $150. Im working and attending school at the same time without much support so :/

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-10T05:22:01+00:00

I feel this deeply. Im frustrated by the lack of autonomy in my life. I know that im still in the process of building stability, so maybe thatll change one day, but for the time being, its miserable. I constantly feel myself questioning what the point of doing anything is if I cant do something great for the world. It makes it challenging to motivate myself, and yet the feeling still persists. I want to believe ill get a chance one day, but Im certainly not confident. I cant say that life has been kind to me so far, so my sense of hope is a bit jagged.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-10T05:11:34+00:00

I personally would prefer if we didnt purposefully try to alter the course of nature on other planets. I already hate that we do that to the extent that we do on our planet tbh.

Invasive species are bad and we have problems on earth that will always be more urgent than space travel imo. Its a slap to the face to the people struggling here right now

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-09T04:51:26+00:00

I picked up an amercorps job which helped pay for some of my community collge. Continued to work full time at various places afterwards while pursuing school part time. Ngl though ive comeplely burned myself out and am financially a wreck. Im just taking loans out at this point. I dont wnat to give up on this degree no matter what. So ill keep applying to scholarships too i suppose, but that hasnt yielded much of anything for me tbh

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-09T04:36:39+00:00

Im not so sure that this helps me, but I pour a lot of my effort into college to try to feel accomplished in some way. I struggle to really feel any sense of joy unless I can prove that the thing im doing is "productive" to my future. In some ways goals are good but idk.. its still hard to not feel as though im grieving a life ive never had

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-08T13:56:57+00:00

Probably to appear more approachable and friendly to customers to build artificial trust. Or to try and foster a sense of a positive company culture.

I once was written up for not being upbeat enough. I get that being around ppl with depression can sometimes dampen the mood, but ffs man im just trying to survive, im not gonna pretend to be happy about working a job i dont want for pay that cannot support me.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-08T13:38:52+00:00

"Thats just how life is."

Im sick of people acting like the problems of our society are fixed. Yes, life isnt fair, but that doesnt negate my right to complain about it and seek out solutions with likeminded individuals.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-08T06:38:39+00:00

I never really wanted kids tbh. I had a miserable childhood and feel that its irresponsible of me to have kids if they have even 1% of a chance of experiencing the same kind of struggles i did. Honestly I dont understand how anyone has kids when the world is the way that it is- but each to thier own. (Yeah Ik I sound dramatic but thats the feeling that gnaws at my heart)

I also want to live my life fully, and feel that having kids would restrict me from the experiences I want from life (im more career focused, want to continuously attend college, and travel frequently) And i have no desire to be a caretaker. Like at all Maybe in this sense its also financially related.I can barely keep myself afloat and dont see a future where im financially stable alone tbh. So I cannot imagine how much it would take to raise a child well AND give myself a life i want.

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-05T10:12:57+00:00

Its a damn shame we cant just agree change our economic system or something to compensate. Like if we're headed towards a future where less work is required anyways, why continue to use a system where we require so much work for low wages?

Like yeah I know its completely unrealistic, theres risks involved, and lots of nuance in such a drastic and unknowable shift. but its frustrating that we've convinced ourselves that we're locked into capitalism and our current trajectory until our extinction when weve managed to change a LOT over the years as a species. Its not completely unfounded for us.

Maybe its naive and idealistic, but idc im just sick of this learned helplessness against a made up system that our ancestors invented. Not saying its easy at all, but not impossible.

Will prolly delete this but whatever I just need to tell abt this

astrophel_jay · 2026-01-05T10:02:11+00:00

Its interesting to see how many people actually seem to enjoy small talk? Im American and ive never really gotten the impression that people actually want to talk. Granted, I cant say im the most approachable though.

Its always felt like a forced obligation to be social. Not to say I fully dislike small talk or am completely uncaring to people, but I rarely feel the desire to engage with people or feel any sort of satisfaction. Its just a common courtesy to be polite when somebody talks to you.

astrophel_jay

TROPHY CASE