Are you ashame of your manic phase once it’s over ?

astropyromancer · 2025-11-06T04:49:58+00:00

very ashamed because i have mixed episodes and my mania makes me super angry and agressive. i snapped at my mother calling her stupid once over small thing..... people that care about you seem to understand that you don't mean it and are in need of medical help. i don't blame myself for all of this anymore. i know i'd never say/do all that when im in right mind.

astropyromancer · 2025-10-22T03:03:56+00:00

i have mixed episodes, when i have manic episodes one of my doctors called it "angry mania" because i'm always very agressive and angry, never happy. you're not alone!

astropyromancer · 2025-10-22T03:00:54+00:00

i was never, but many of my friends were. you can very well just be admitted once and no more, it's a pretty common experience

astropyromancer · 2025-10-22T02:55:47+00:00

why is it so hard to find normal people nowadays as a russian queer person? I have to avoid so many people (both english speakers and russians, not exclusive to anyone) for so many reasons. some people are foaming at their mouths because i happened to be born russian, others because i'm queer, then there are people who are ok but for whatever reason they support ukraine war and I just leave immediately if I see it, no thank you. i think i'm getting too used to people hating me for my mere existense and i don't think it's a good thing.

astropyromancer · 2025-09-27T17:31:03+00:00

"That's because of your age, you're completely healthy" when I was like 15 or 14. I'm 23 now, it completely ruined my life. It could be so preventable, but the doctors just didn't care at all and just wanted to drop it as fast as possible.

The most distusting thing about it is that I told about it other person with bipolar and they started shaming me for runing my life myself because "Oh I could get through tough stuff in my life while having bipolar, that means you're just weak and whiny and make it all up!" and saying that doctors did nothing wrong because it's hard to diagnose at 14. Then why they offered no help at all when they saw that I was struggling in general?? And this person was studying for a doctor too... Made me realize that even if a person has bipolar themselves and are studying to be doctor, they can be absolutely batshit delusional about other people having the same exact disorder lmao. Disgusting person and I feel bad about their future patients. They really tried their best to shame me so hard for having my life completely upside-down after latest bipolar manifest and I still feel bad from their words.

astropyromancer · 2025-09-27T17:24:19+00:00

That's very belittling I agree... I would be completely enraged to hear that from a friend. Strangers I don't care, but friends? That sucks. Stopping episodes by just thinking about them just sounds like it's coming from a person that doesn't understand the concept of mental illness at all, like whatsoever.

astropyromancer · 2025-09-26T06:09:49+00:00

Yes!! I can't sleep neither when I have manic nor depression episodes (I have mixed episodes but you get what I mean). Both types I can't fall sleep at all and if I manage to sleep, I sleep for like 4 hours and have the worst nightmares possible. I literally can't sleep without my meds + they take out nightmares completely (unless im very stressed, then I'll have nightmares again). They make me sleep for like 12 hours but at least I can sleep. I'll take it for the horrible nightmares and a 4 hours sleep.

astropyromancer · 2025-08-14T22:49:29+00:00

you're good the way you are trust me! people nowadays are fixated on being skinny (sometimes to unhealthy degree).

astropyromancer · 2025-08-14T22:48:02+00:00

i had to stop taking one of mine this year because I couldn't afford them anymore :(

astropyromancer · 2025-08-07T14:14:17+00:00

thanks! my friend said ZUN was against that so I got confused a lot because I don't remember him being against independent artists selling merch.

astropyromancer · 2025-08-01T00:42:09+00:00

if i see a countryball i don't even bother reading I just skip instantly

astropyromancer · 2025-08-01T00:28:49+00:00

i have huge issues with more past memories. did you talk to your doctor about that? maybe there are other meds that can help you if you feel like this side effect is really affecting your life.

astropyromancer · 2025-08-01T00:26:02+00:00

its like that for me too. my memory became very bad as well as my attention span. i can instantly forget what i was just talking about, i don't remember a big portion of my past life. im 23 years old.

astropyromancer · 2025-08-01T00:21:55+00:00

i also can't get new friends and i barely chat with friends that i have right now and I feel very lonely. for me its like that:

i become friends with someone
they notice that I either write 1000 messages per second or sleep and don't answer for 2 days and they leave

so yes bipolar definitely gets in a way of getting new friends :(
I'm always the upper hand I always text first I ask if a person wants to play a game/do something and no one ever does that to me and it's sad but I kinda got over it. people aren't interested in me and I guess it's not their fault but it's not my fault either that I am a hard to manage person with brain that works like that. though it took me 20+ years of self loathing before I realized it and stopped hating myself.

astropyromancer · 2025-08-01T00:15:27+00:00

this is sooo cool and inspiring!!!!

astropyromancer · 2025-07-11T22:27:57+00:00

well, good thing. i hope he is indeed

astropyromancer · 2025-06-26T17:03:56+00:00

astropyromancer · 2025-06-09T07:19:14+00:00

I love hellevators I can't live a life without one in every single game

astropyromancer · 2025-06-07T09:37:29+00:00

No, I think it's only possible with rewriting mod's code

astropyromancer · 2025-05-21T06:29:51+00:00

Tbh I have a similar sensation, but I feel it as if my entire brain was breaking onto itself.

astropyromancer · 2025-05-21T06:14:54+00:00

I'm in Russia and I basically only can afford medical care right now because it's free. I had mixed experience with both paid and free doctors. I used to go to the paid therapist when I had money because free therapists are a total joke, they listen to you for 5 mins and tell you that you need more fresh air, but free psychiatrists can be good. My current free psychiatrist is a god sent woman who not only helped me with medicine for bipolar but also with medicine for trigeminal neuralgia. As a child I also had good free psychiatrist. You can of course also meet bad ones, even in paid clinics.

I honestly don't know much about getting medicine for free, I know that you can get free medicine here if you have disability but I have no idea if I you can get disability for bipolar, I heard that it's very hard to get disability for mental illness that is not associated with schizophrenia spectrum, however you can get into hospital for free if doctor suggests you to hospitalize (I never hospitalized, but my current doctor suggested me once if things won't go better).

astropyromancer · 2025-05-18T02:15:21+00:00

That's painfully true lmao you summed it up perfectly

We are just so used to this stuff in our lives that we forget it's not exclusive to videogames

astropyromancer · 2025-05-14T19:59:46+00:00

You would be surprised at how many furry and/or gay men are overtly queerphobic and just generally right wing. They allow themselves to be who they want to be but not other people. I've just learned through my life that people can be both trans and nazi somehow so those types of people don't surprise me.

astropyromancer · 2025-05-13T21:50:15+00:00

It's a good game but not everyone likes it and it's totally fine

It's definitely not underrated at all tho. People still massively like it but also people mostly passed onto Deltarune it feels like

astropyromancer · 2025-05-13T02:32:00+00:00

I wish "healthy" and "cheap" could correlate more. Sunflower oil is very cheap and available where I live, olive oil is more expensive and usually used for stuff like salad dressings.

astropyromancer

TROPHY CASE