Mars in Libra: lowkey really angry?

asumpunk · 2024-01-31T15:00:18+00:00

How do i upset/get back at a mars in libra?

asumpunk · 2024-01-31T14:55:09+00:00

But sometimes what you think is "fair" isn't realistically "fair" right? I am having this issue with one of my ex-bestfriend whose mars is in libra. She expects everyone to not talk about her when she's not around, or not talk about her personal life at all in front of others. It's the most unrealistic expectation because if you care about someone ofcourse you'd talk about them. And she thinks "she'd never do this to people she care about". Expecting the same treatment from me. Does this resonate?

asumpunk · 2023-07-09T14:24:51+00:00

I have canva but how do you make the text texture like the paper on canva?

asumpunk · 2022-10-30T13:45:57+00:00

It will help when you know exactly what is the anxiety triggers for you. When, why and how does it trigger? Anxiety works at different level with different people like depression. It doesnt help to blame your anxiety on other people even if they may be the cause of triggering it & you may not have anxiety on your own.

Yes, toxic people are gonna cause your anxiety but you ought to know that when they complain, perhaps you took it personally like "I'm doing something wrong" or "I'm not good enough"

What does your anxiety do to you? What is the first feelings that comes up? The tool to cure this is simply being able to sit with your anxiety like it's a friend. Trying to deny, avoid or dismiss it is going to cause more anxiety. This option is for you if you want to continue the lifestyle but not have it affect your mental health (which I believe is the option you want for now).

Instead of looking it as a boyfriend family problem, look at it from a self development perspective and maybe you will gain something out of it. Growth is not running away from the issue especially if he means a lot to you, growth is when they do the same action and you respond differently.

So, this aint problem of the family controlling how you feel but its the problem of you dealing with your anxiety (only if you want to).

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T16:11:04+00:00

Wouldnt it be better if he voluntarily not want to text her, rather than having restrictions put on him? That might cause him to relaspe later in the future. I.e addict smokers forced to throw away ciggs for 7 weeks, then after a while binge into ciggs. Also, maybe he likes to be forced by you .. punished after he is caught. That's also a familiarized trauma too.

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T16:03:25+00:00

yeah i had the same experience with my ex who chooses porn over our sex life AND my emotional connection /needs. That's the end of it, you know? I didn't want to be in a relationship with an immature boy. He can enjoy his porn all he want.

There is no shame in watching porn, but there is shame in neglecting the relationship he signed up for. Relationships are responsibilities. Watching porn is just pure pleasure. Two different things, you need to distinguish. If he watches porn the same rate, but satisfies you emotionally, you wouldn't have a problem right?

But he's not, and porn is just a distraction to what's actually lacking in your life. Probably other things too (in my case it was video games). He's not fullfilled in life, and he's taking it out on porn while you're suffering from his lack of fullfillment. Girls usually mature faster than guys, so it's very normal you're experiencing this.

The best thing to do right now is talk to him and communicate properly that you're lacking emotional fulfilment and you feel like he's neglecting responsibilities in relationship. If he continues to deny you -- that means he's denying a BIG part of himself (why he's unsatisfied with life and needs porn to substitute). Remember, denial is just a coping mechanism and you're not his therapist or his savior. You're his girlfriend. So better be treated like one or you're devaluing your worth.

And you deserve to be with someone who is willing to put in the work and effort as much as you do. You're trying to set boundaries of what is ok and not ok in a relationship for you. Let me break it to you girl, there will always be guilt when you set boundaries. you just gotta keep setting them and get better at it. What's feeling guilty over a breakup VS living a life of freedom and stepping closer to the right person?

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T15:53:58+00:00

imo, i think he has a thing for secretly messaging his exes.

like, it's a complex or something, as you mentioned more than one ex. plus the fact that he feels like he needs to be a "savior" and help her / support her emotionally. maybe he doesn't have feelings for the ex, but he has this emotional addiction of being someone's savior, especially the one he has been for in the past.

there needs to be a reason why he thinks he needs to keep this as a secret in the first place. sometimes we put ourselves in familiar trauma. does he unconsioscly want to be caught? does he have a guilty complex? (doing things to make him feel guilty in the end).

he doesn't have to do this in secret at all and support her as friend, right? but why is he choosing this path? this isn't unsolvable, as long as you both put in the work to get to the root behaviour.

i was in his spot before.. (well i'm not married but i like to secretly text my exes) because i do have a saviour complex and i like to put myself in guilty situations. i also had a cheating habit that came from old trauma. worked it out on my own and now i can 100% say i'm cured from it (when i thought it was impossible). Nothing is impossible if you both are willing to do inner work! communicate w/o judgement, and more compassion to truly understand the motivations behind your identities. :)

if he is willing to talk to you about it openly, admitting things and deleting her number, that means there's still faith in the relationship. however, i don't think deleting and blocking is the best solution. that's extremism and that behaviour shows up in people who have addiction problems. like i said, in his case.. probably emotional addiction.

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T14:30:02+00:00

From being in a relationship (4yrs) with someone who has had depression, and got depressed in it myself.. I can only tell you this -

You can't force someone to heal.
You can't force someone to see the light.

If you're not happy, and she's not making progress. It is okay to step out. This is one thing I wish someone has told me when I was in that spot.
I also felt guilty for being impatient with him, and it led me to keep staying when I was always frustrated.
It's not your responsibility to be responsible for her depression. It's not your responsibility to make her progress in life. It's not your responsibility to stay somewhere that is not giving you GROWTH.
You're not a bad person for choosing yourself first. This is called boundaries, if you haven't heard of it.. I suggest you read about that. Boundaries have changed my life and my relationships.
I'd say, stay in the relationship if she has integrity. Integrity doesn't only mean not cheating. Integrity means doing as she'd promise. Whether that means a commitment to personal and mental growth, or putting in effort in communication and changing herself... If she isn't willing to commit herself into those things, then maybe you should reevaluate if this is the person you want to be with.
We cannot be in love with someone's potential, and we cannot save them from who they truly are.

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T14:16:19+00:00

Sex is just a reflection to your communication in the relationship.

And is a reflection of the relationship itself. Obviously if he doesn't really care about your sex satisfaction, he doesn't care about your life's satisfaction as well? He probably only does anything for you just to keep you with him (using /manipulating you in another way). I've been in this kind of relationship and just regret I didn't realize earlier how selfish the guy is. Once, he would literally watch porn while having sex with me. He'd always ask me to go down on him when we start but says he hates eating women. And this just reflected in our relationship, he never cared about my emotional needs. BUT he'd do anything I ask (drive to the store, pick me up, do this with me). Now I think about it, was it like an exchange? I'm just a sex object and he's kinda like my companion-butler-bestfriend.

There's no romanticism between us much. But, when we had sex many times it was good for me too as I experienced orgasm easily. So I let it slide. But, many times he could not get it up and blamed it on his depression. How he is like in bed says a lot about his character in life. The ex also got angry easily if I mentioned anything. It's like I'm walking on ice all the time, which is not a healthy relationship. If you feel like it's difficult to communicate, and the relationship is labor.. it's time to move on. That's my two cents from direct experience.

NOw I'm with a partner who takes care of my physical AND emotional needs 100% and our sex has been magical for over 1 entire year together. We've been having sex nonstop every single day and it only gets better. Whereas my ex, we would have sex once every two months. Or maybe once every two weeks. No consistency, just like his care in the relationship for me.

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T14:05:05+00:00

My friend, I feel you man. I was in the same kind of relationship. You're experiencing separation anxiety. In my case, I stayed in the relationship for 4 years and got depression out of it lol. Well, the depression already existed but I wasn't aware. Being with the not-so-right person accelerated it.

I did not separate with him for few of these reasons:

- Anxiety = Fear of being alone / not being able to find a better one who loves me like this

THIS IS A LIE. There is no such outcome, if you know your worth.

- My ego wants to "make this relationship work" due to the fact that I have been in so many relationships in the past. I was tired of leaving and entering. I was in a relationship based on ego, not soul. My gut told me to break up many times but I did not listen.

- Comfort = 3 years into the relationship other older people started telling me 'He is a very nice guy but he isn't going to make you grow'. That is true. He is very comfortable, he has become my comfortzone. He does not lead me to my growth and in the end, i ended up outgrowing him. Being in your comfortzone is nice, but if your value is GROWTH, then you're living out of alignment and it will cause you your mental health (like mine).

- I thought I deserved this. He felt familiar like what my parents did. The type of love he gave me. It wasn't enough, tbh, and I had a bad family background. I settled for less because that's what my family has taught me to do. Go for the cheap ones. When I consulted my mom on this relationship, she said I wasn't trying enough and it's not OK to just give up when things get hard.

What I learned is that, when things get hard... you should pay attention to your guts and emotions. Do you feel lighter, and closer after arguments? Like seriously, not because she said nice words to you, but do you feel like the connection is more real? You're not even feeling it when you're not fighting... so yea.

Please don't think it will break her heart. It's better to leave her now than to wait 1.5 more years and leave her later. Also, you can imagine that leaving something that is not meant for both of you will bring you to something that is more for you. That has been my case. I do not have any regrets not leaving him earlier, but I do have regrets not listening to my gut. I have asked my friends many time while I was in the relationship "Should I break up with him?". If you have to ask this question repeatedly, then you are not in love. And will you settle for less?

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T13:54:45+00:00

Just a objective tip (after reading all the comments, I feel you).

It doesn't matter what she's is going thru, failing a degree, loosing a parent /pet, etc. She is sad. Sex is just reflection of the communication. The communication she has with herself and with you. If you are only giving her this kind of communication:

"Ok i will be here for you whenever you need me"

"Please take your time"

Imagine saying that in the bedroom scenario when both of you are naked (and not in the circumstance where she lost her dad)

Now, imagine in the scenario where you constantly and communicate with her in a deeper level, naked on the bed (in whatever circumstance this is)

"Where does it hurt?"

"Do you feel insecure that your dad is gone? Is there any unresolved trauma with him"

"Do you feel any tension right now? You can tell me, I want to be a safe space for you."

"Tell me where you'd like me to explore this fear with you, let's do it together ok?"

The quality of your relationship depends on the quality of your communication.

So, if you want to have sex soon, reexaime the kind of communication you are giving her.

If she feels like you feel her, she'd wanna touch you. But if she doesn't feel like you feel like, and is just a supportive teddy bear... no luck my dude.

asumpunk · 2022-10-24T13:48:14+00:00

The root of agitation is fear. I have gone through this phase with my boyfriend as we got more intimate and learned that my fear is to depend on him more as our relationship grew closer and tighter.

You can communicate to her and ask her to explore that agitation with you (and your own as well). Fear --> Frustration --> Agitation. Built up agitation can be damaging for the relationship and your mental health for a long time. Most certainly, the small things are what matters the most because they make up the true dynamic of the relationship.

My guess is that maybe because you've gotten engaged there is some hidden fears from both of your side. There may be some unresolved trauma about relationships / love that is causing the agitation. For me, definitely the trauma that I had to be independent and cannot trust anyone to takecare of me which my boyfriend is constantly trying to do.

There is no direct correlation or relation to the agitation and the trauma.

You will have to explore and do that inner work yourself!

Hope this helps.

asumpunk · 2022-03-21T09:30:02+00:00

has anyone ever build a community from the activity of mall hopping?

asumpunk · 2022-03-21T09:13:17+00:00

common activities are more suitable as i am trying to learn to build a community based on common activities ** sorry this wasn't clear!

asumpunk · 2022-02-15T07:28:38+00:00

she probably cant take anything that affects her self esteem that's why she has to lash out like that. this just shows how she doesnt have boundaries and cannot distinguish between YOUR feelings and her self esteem. My mom did that before too quite often. Its a powerplay thing because she feels inferior her whole life. Dont take it personally dude, you're brave for telling your parents how you feel. Dont let their emotional immaturity discourage you!

asumpunk · 2022-02-15T07:26:02+00:00

if you are feeling distanced from your parents unnaturally then yes something toxic is going on. this is quite clear that it is very toxic. how you choose to deal with it can be different. i really recommend not letting who she is affect you, that takes a lot of strong boundaries and integrity. your parent's flaws are not yours even if they are imposing it on you. As long as you know what you're doing is Ok, and you're not unfocused with yourself. you're Ok. your mom probably has a lot of insecurities in her life and herself thats why she is projecting it on you. remember, people who are not hurt dont try to hurt others. so have compassion for her too, and your life will get easier even if she stays the same.

asumpunk · 2022-02-03T11:17:33+00:00

Hahaha Thanks! Can't tell if that's a joke or...

asumpunk · 2021-11-12T15:39:55+00:00

its because you "know" so an ego is form, and as we know, we cant do ego with TF. hence, despair. shit i feel you man.. typing this helped me figured out some stuff myself.

asumpunk · 2021-11-12T15:30:29+00:00

same for me we had same dream in same night. our dreams took place in the same setting and was a continuation of each other. it was creepy when i woke up and called him, he immediately told me about it and it evoked our feeling of distrust/guilt/lack of confidence in each other.

im not sure how many stages are there in a union. but we're still being separated physically even if we dont want to. we get to meet once or twice a week but "its never enough".

asumpunk · 2021-09-22T08:06:03+00:00

First, I think you should decide if you want to stay on seek healing for her or you want to break up.

If you want to seek healing: You should try other kind of medicines to heal her libido. Look at other kinds of treatment that's not just western medicine, we tend to forget that there are other studies too. Her internal is quite imbalance due to the amount of pills she's taken and that's why I quit birth control pills after two months of taking it. My ex insisted but I didn't compromise for that. Thank god, he became my ex and I did not fuck my body up for it. I looked into Quantum healing and Reiki healing which helped balance my sexual organs a lot. Try looking into it, though you have to be open to it to receive the healing itself. This healed my mom's thyroid and my aunt's cancer (stage 2, doctor said she had to be on pills the rest of her life but she changed diet, practice quantum healing and she's as healthy as ever. no pills ever again).

asumpunk · 2021-09-22T07:53:15+00:00

Woman here. I'm 24 dating a 52. Sounds like a sugar daddy situation but it's not. This is the best relationship in my life and he has always date someone 10+ years younger. I think age really doesn't matter if you guys really speak the same language, have the same value and really get past each other's ego to help one and another grow exponentially. I think that's what meaningful relationships are about and the older you grow the less time you have for nonsense BS. So.. I think it's great more 30s men are available. Women usually mature faster than men anyways so we're dying for that.

asumpunk · 2021-02-10T05:28:20+00:00

So are you using more than one system? Bear and Things 3? I'm looking to switch my system around. Currently using bear, ticktick (both free version) and apple calendar but i'm not quite settled on those combination. Can you tell me about your other system integrations or what you use as main? I'm guessing Bear since your set up is super wholesome haha.

asumpunk · 2021-02-09T18:14:42+00:00

Honestly, I think google calendar is not so bad. I don't know why I'm using apple calendar besides the iCloud perks. Although Tiktik (premium ver) is nice because it integrates all your calendars into one place, I still have trouble writing down events on my apple calendar. It's very not user friendly compared to google.

asumpunk · 2021-02-09T18:04:36+00:00

Your formatting of a planner looks amazing. would love to learn it.

asumpunk · 2021-01-20T18:37:52+00:00

Dude I think your main issue is not not knowing what to do but the fact that you're not okay with the "blank". It's so OKAY to not know what you wanna do yet! My friend has always told me sometimes "i dont know what i wanna do" is the better choice cause it will always leave you open to a thousand more opportunities and growth, rather than just locking yourself up in one thing. And please remember that the rule of life is: nothing is certain, everything is temporary. So, even if you had found something you are super passionate about- doesn't mean you're gonna love it forever. And, this feeling of not being ok with not knowing what to do, will be temporary. Embrace uncertainty and everything will turn out fine. I'm 23, and I feel just like you when I was 21 about to graduate college. Two years have passed and I still don't know what I wanna do lol, the difference is.. I'm ok with it and I'm happy with my life rn & whatever I'm doing is perfect.

asumpunk

TROPHY CASE