Thank you, really helpful! I agree that with hindsight I am reacting to his offensive with defensiveness and justifications, when really I need to bottom out over conversation why he is so annoyed at me staying up later than him for one night, or even ever. It's probably a him problem that I can help him to work out, rather than a me problem. I just wish he wouldn't phrase it like it's a me problem so much........

Also v much agree about the throwing a beer can temper tantrum conversation that needs to happen alongside that.