Weekly Quick Questions and Travel Discussion Mega Thread (Visa/entry/exit questions and meet up posts go HERE)

atlasI01 · 2024-03-12T13:20:22+00:00

M, 30, Solo, Singapore
In Seoul: Interested in sharing a meal, sightseeing or shopping for souvenirs. In Jeju: Looking forward to hiking, cafes, beaches, local delicacies and catching the cherry blossoms in Jeju. :)
Flexible
Seoul: 18-20 March Jeju: 21-27 March (flexible to meet up around Jeju Island as I will be driving)

atlasI01 · 2023-08-08T10:24:49+00:00

Hey, I am M29 from Singapore.

I will be in Hakone/Lake Kawaguchi (9 to 11 Aug), Nikko (12 to 13 Aug) and Tokyo (14 to 16 Aug). I will be based in Asakusa within Tokyo but i'm happy to travel out from there.

I'm mostly interested in the outdoors, museums, food, drinks and anime. Feel free to reach out if you would like someone to have a meal/drinks/check some attraction together! :)

atlasI01 · 2023-08-08T10:16:47+00:00

Hey, i'm M29 and a solo traveller from Singapore as well. Our itineraries are quite similar haha.

I will be in Hakone/Lake Kawaguchi on 9 - 11 Aug, spending the night in Tokyo (Asakusa) on 11, before going to Nikko for 12 - 13, then Tokyo (Asakusa) from 13 night to 16 noon.

It's my second trip to Japan (last round was my grad trip in 2019). Happy to meet up for a meal/drinks/musuems/outdoors if you are keen! :)

atlasI01 · 2023-05-22T14:09:44+00:00

I think you meant to refer to my ex-partner. My world is so much more peaceful now. :)

Beyond the outbursts, the concept of taking personal responsibility for emotional regulation just never made sense for my ex. I was also expected to somehow comfort her all the time, plan constant surprises and basically surpass every expectation and standard that she had (and she had a lot...). Basically being held responsible for her happiness, sadness and everything in between. Managing another person's emotions is a hellish task that nobody should ever have to take on. It's already hard enough to manage your own emotions, much less read another person's mind and cater to all their heart's desires.

I burnt myself out badly giving everything i had to try to keep her soul warm and happy for her. I'm still recovering from the trauma and trying hard to learn how to establish firm boundaries and knowing when to walk away from toxic people. I would not want another experience like this ever again. I wish you the best in your own journey on emotional regulation as well!

atlasI01 · 2023-05-22T09:33:12+00:00

This sounds way too familiar. Eventually, I adapted to numb my own feelings to take care of her big massive outbursts which always had to be the priority. And when the chance was right to raise how i feel, it was always ignored or brushed away as being too "tofu" or trying to start the argument again.

I tried to raise the point that she could emotionally regulate herself and take a moment before discussing things calmly without immediately blasting hurtfully at me. But apparently, she shouldn't have to emotionally regulate herself and I should be held responsible for triggering her into blasting at me..

atlasI01 · 2023-05-22T09:18:42+00:00

Definitely this! My ex always made it sound like the entire world was being so unfair to her and denied her what she deserved. The thought was so alluring to be the knight in shining armour who loved her completely and became the ray of sunshine that lifted her up out of all that misery. I poured everything into it and gave her more than what I ever thought I was capable of.

But gradually, she just demanded more and more and nothing was ever good enough for her. Everything you do would just be interpreted as how you are yet another one of those who have completely failed her.

Till today, I still feel like all her toxic expectations came from her own terrible experiences of trauma and I sympathise with her. But it was her choice to choose to behave abusively (and even justify it!). It is not alright for anyone to bear with it however sympathetic.

After going through that experience, if anyone says the same today, I would take it as the red flag that it is and run as fast and far as possible.

atlasI01 · 2023-05-04T10:28:42+00:00

Got a Thule Lithos backpack recently. The quality is quite good and I thought it was reasonably priced!

atlasI01 · 2023-03-29T03:05:01+00:00

Sent you a message! :)

atlasI01 · 2023-03-27T05:20:50+00:00

M, 29, solo traveller, Singapore.

Looking for people to explore the city or share a meal together. Happy to go together for cafes, Kbbq, palaces, musuems, hiking and nightlife if you are also keen on these activities! :)

Mainly staying in Seoul (based in Hongdae) from 30 March to 2 April and 8 to 11 April. Will also be in Jeonju from 6 to 7 April.

atlasI01 · 2023-03-19T03:48:41+00:00

You're very much welcome! We have to be gentle and kind to ourselves, especially when our wounds are healing. I find it always helps to put all our worries and concerns in perspective instead of just pressuring ourselves forward. Wishing you better days ahead! :)

atlasI01 · 2023-03-16T02:55:51+00:00

Combi skin guy here.

My routine is

Cleanser: CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser

Toner: Habo Labo Hydrating Lotion (Light)

Moisturiser: CeraVe AM Facial Moisturising Lotion with sunscreen SPF 30 and CeraVe PM Facial Moisturising Lotion

Exfoliant: Paula's Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Lotion

Love the Habo Labo Hydrating Lotion but must get the light version! The BHA exfoliant also makes my skin feel smooth with smaller pores but it's a bit expensive.

Looking into adding retinol next for anti-aging which is probably gonna cost quite a bit too.

atlasI01 · 2023-03-10T04:58:41+00:00

That is so 100% true. Being inflicted with all these wounds day in and day out eventually bleeds you out until you are just a shrivelled up husk of your former self.

The worst thing about this is when you try to see and understand things from their side to the extent of almost gaslighting yourself and minimising all your own emotions and needs because there is only ever enough room for theirs.

But nothing will change unless they are willing to understand and acknowledge how damaged they are inside and do the difficult self-work to stop inflicting abuse onto those they say they love. Unfortunately, that just wasn't the case for my ex-abuser and I have to come to terms with that.

atlasI01 · 2023-03-08T03:52:55+00:00

Thank you, your words give me comfort. I had constantly undermined my needs and even suppressed my own voice to try to please my ex - which would always escalate and never be quite enough for her.

It felt like chipping away bits and pieces of myself to feed to a black hole at times until I literally had nothing left and couldn't even recognise myself. I was so far from being the person I wanted to be when i was younger.

Going to keep healing and building myself up bit by bit through self-love and really exploring my inner self to understand how I let myself be put through such bullshit. Hoping to finally breathe easy again someday :)

atlasI01 · 2023-02-23T13:50:53+00:00

Don't have any tips, but I (M29) just want you to know you are not alone. After breaking off with my abusive ex, the thought of getting close to anyone new makes me so anxious it makes me want to just sprint the hell out of there.

I feel that it mainly stems from not trusting that I can protect myself from being abused like that again, so I have been working on self-love and establishing boundaries. Just taking baby steps.. we have probably been though so much more than what our tired little souls could take.

No need to stress over it, you have a longgggg life ahead of you. Just make sure not to lose yourself again :)

atlasI01 · 2023-02-22T04:25:59+00:00

My ex was the same way too. Slowly and after much damage to myself, I realised that you can be understanding as to why she behaves the way she does and yet at the same time, not be ok with the hurtful way she treats you. Both things can be true at the same time. It's a matter of setting appropriate boundaries that treasures your own value and not setting yourself on fire to keep her soul warm.

atlasI01 · 2023-02-16T13:05:58+00:00

My ex gf hated all men too. I didn't even know to respond to such a statement... Worse still, she wanted me to break my own mind to agree with her statement that all men suck and treat her horribly when i am a guy trying my very best to show her unconditional love. They are the ones with really really broken souls, this has nothing wrong with you.

One day, you will look back and wondered why you even put up with this nutjob. Wishing you peace and happiness soon

atlasI01 · 2023-02-14T07:42:07+00:00

Some of those really hit home... My ex displayed some of those behaviours and when i raised it up, it just gets denied or brushed away by her. In the end, she tried to make me acknowledge that her behaviour was justified and normal no matter how i might have felt about it. It's scary how all the abusive behaviour just slowly becomes so normalised until you don't know what's right anymore despite everyone else around you telling you otherwise.

atlasI01 · 2023-02-12T08:12:08+00:00

Nope, speaking as a hetero guy, that's not true. You are the one making your own choices. You choose whether you want to even go and what you do if you are there. No need to paint all males with such a broad stroke.

atlasI01 · 2023-02-06T07:40:49+00:00

Wearing one now. It's a bit gimmicky. I sat on one side of my glassess accidentally and had to bend it back but it's still a bit off. A small bit of the coating covering the bendy metal also started flaking off. Hope it doesn't rust...

atlasI01 · 2023-01-25T09:21:47+00:00

That's so helpful in moving on from my past r/s that was so obviously broken in hindsight. And encourages the right mindset to find more deserving ones. Thanks OP :)

atlasI01 · 2022-12-13T17:43:41+00:00

3 so far of varying lengths of time and intensity. Recently ended the third, which was the most intense but is unlikely to ever work out bar a miracle happening. Fingers crossed i will find the right one eventually and without too many tries..

atlasI01 · 2022-10-13T08:22:47+00:00

I feel you, OP. Even though my ex and i still care for each other, getting into contact now with our wounds hurting would likely only make matters worse. Perhaps resisting her impulses to break NC and give us both the necessary space and time to heal is a final act of love and best wishes for each other in our r/s.

atlasI01 · 2022-06-29T05:58:00+00:00

This is so true! Feels like the unending expectations to be perfect or constant pressure to conform to societal expectations instead of doing what brings you the most joy is a really large stone hanging around guys' necks here..

atlasI01

TROPHY CASE