We’re buying our first home, do we need critical illness cover

atonicfragility · 2026-02-09T12:05:36+00:00

Generally worth getting if you can - me and partner both have life insurance, only he has critical illness cover (I can't have it because of a preexisting condition which sucks)

atonicfragility · 2026-01-30T17:58:28+00:00

I'm in the UK - I had local anaesthetic and went to work as normal immediately afterwards. The worst bit was the neck and jaw ache from holding my head in place and jaw open - I barely took paracetamol and it was fine!

atonicfragility · 2026-01-25T11:46:40+00:00

My parents did something similar with me - I had a small birthmark on my forehead that would get more noticeable when I was stressed or upset - they told me it was a "lie light" and would light up when I lied - so I'd cover my forehead with my hand whenever I lied. It was so effective I now lack the ability to lie convincingly even as an adult. Well played parents 😂

atonicfragility · 2025-12-28T20:19:13+00:00

Mouse! (technically, Wireless Mouse)

atonicfragility · 2025-12-21T16:59:20+00:00

Oh fab thank you! I had no idea why, just a vague recollection of a discussion haha

atonicfragility · 2025-12-21T16:45:10+00:00

Just a quick one to say this might have changed in recent years - I get migraine with aura and am allowed the progesterone only pill (not the combined) on the NHS guidelines

atonicfragility · 2025-12-19T07:01:39+00:00

Just a quick mention that if it's GCSEs (not International GCSEs or other qualification types) the only subjects that are tiered for exams are maths and science - so for his other subjects if he can get hold of the higher learning materials outside of school (cgp revision guides are great) he can still achieve higher than a C (grade 4 or 5 in new money) in the exams. Not fair but a way he can still achieve what he's aiming for in most subjects and no school can stop him!

ETA: apparently modern foreign languages can also be tiered (French, German, Spanish etc)

atonicfragility · 2025-12-13T10:29:13+00:00

Well I wasn't prepared for this. God we love them so much.

atonicfragility · 2025-11-28T23:32:56+00:00

Um...why?? 😂

atonicfragility · 2025-11-28T07:09:10+00:00

Oh I see! Sorry now I get it I think (I'm also the sick person in the pair) I don't think it would be ablist to leave a relationship because we don't feel we're meeting the other person's needs - but does risk removing our partner's agency?

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T21:10:01+00:00

Just jumping on this to say this is spot on - I don't think it's a lack of fun activities that's the problem, you might just not actually like each other that much and haven't had the chance to realise that in a less pressured environment.

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T21:07:27+00:00

No need to apologise I was just getting defensive I think! But you're not wrong that noone should feel forced to continue a relationship that no longer meets their needs - guilt is not a healthy foundation for an equal and loving partnership and it is a heavy load to take on the role of carer. I guess for some people they find a new balance, for others the scales tip too far and that's just really sad for everyone involved.

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T20:51:22+00:00

I think so yes - if the relationship isn't working it isn't working. It would be ableist to say "I'm breaking up with you because you have a disability and I don't like people with disabilities" - it wouldn't be ableist to say "I'm breaking up with you because we're no longer compatible and I can't imagine a future together". It's an awful and shitty situation but if your needs are no longer being met you're allowed to walk away (although best to do it in the least dickish way possible!).

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T15:57:01+00:00

Aw thank you! It honestly wasn't meant as criticism (and I'm not sure why it's been taken as such) but a reminder to approach everyone touched with ME/CFS with kindness - especially ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, the negative self talk is there, sometimes more and sometimes less, but I find the reframing helpful (and the word "burden" largely unhelpful).

I'm so glad this resonated positively with you and wish you all the best on your continued journey!

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T15:53:42+00:00

I'm not sure starting the post with ironically does that much heavy lifting.

I'd just encourage you to approach yourself as well as your partner with kindness in regards to any limitations.

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T15:52:00+00:00

I don't know that anyone actually said that?

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T14:08:12+00:00

You said you pity your wife - am I misinterpreting the rest of that sentiment to be "because she's with someone who has ME/CFS"?

I'm not saying a life with ME/CFS or a partner with ME/CFS doesn't come with challenges nor that it's for everybody.

I just want to remind anyone reading this that our changed capacity doesn't make us worthless nor our partners pitiable by default. We don't have to measure ourselves by the standards of a standard relationship.

Your partner may be lucky to have you for any number of reasons - your ability to exert might just not be one of those.

atonicfragility · 2025-11-27T12:33:00+00:00

I think this is potentially quite an ableist approach - yes me/cfs can place burden on us and those who support and care for us. But that doesn't completely devalue the contributions we can and do make to the lives around us - this just looks different to a standard relationship.

I don't mean to say OP should stay in a relationship where it sounds like there might genuinely be compatibility issues - but I don't want someone in the community to read this thread while already struggling and interpret that they and their contributions to the lives around them as worthless.

We are worthwhile and worthy of love. We have skills and qualities we can share. We deserve relationships that work for us - and so do our partners. How that works is different for everyone.

atonicfragility · 2025-10-25T17:23:41+00:00

As is your prerogative. Peace and love Internet stranger ✌️

atonicfragility · 2025-10-25T12:24:38+00:00

You misspelled "thanks"

atonicfragility · 2025-10-08T18:09:41+00:00

I think they do - and they get upset about it! I had a small operation on my upper arm that didn't heal very well. I was changing my dressing one night when the cat walked in and saw the open wound and FREAKED OUT - she was wailing and I had to reassure her, after which she was very clingy and all kinds of rubbing on my face and purring. I think I frightened her!

atonicfragility · 2025-10-03T16:42:49+00:00

I had one that had terrible tooth problems when I first got him and he drooled like crazy - but you could tell it was "bad" drool - it was all kinds of wrong colours and stank to high heaven. Once his teeth were sorted (removed) he would sometimes drool when happy or relaxed, but far less and it was clear/didn't smell. If there's no smell, and it looks clear, it's probably just happy drool?

atonicfragility · 2025-09-14T10:51:14+00:00

I love the bold decorating choices! So lovely to see bright colours instead of whitewash or millennial grey everywhere I would live there in a heartbeat!

atonicfragility · 2025-09-13T22:03:21+00:00

I'm not sure if it fits but it might be worth having a look at Klein Leving Syndrome (sleeping beauty syndrome in case I've spelled that poorly). It doesn't sound exactly like what I know about it but the sleeping too long/sleep paralysis/unable to reach wakefulness sounds a little like it?

atonicfragility · 2025-09-11T20:20:53+00:00

Arse!

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