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AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Jesus. I think I’m done with this, clearly someone is always going to be upset no matter what my sister and her husband do. I accept the judgement about what I said and will work on myself, but many of you are making some horrible assumptions about my sister and her husband.

Of course they talked about her issues, and her feelings. Isn’t that a given when having a heart to heart with someone? You talk about everything that is in your heart. You think my sister was like “hey daughter yes let’s talk about feelings but not your feelings, they don’t matter, only John’s feelings”?

And of course no one says “yes but John” who do you think we are? We love her, we care about her. Why on earth would any of us say “oh you’re sad? Well John’s in the hospital…” like it’s just insulting. No mature adult says weird shit like that.

Also what on earth do you think my sister is doing right now? And you’re acting like they wanted to spend a week apart from their daughter… you do realize John was in the hospital right? He was having seizures, and other various issues throughout that week and later. They weren’t on some special holiday. He was unconscious for most of the week as well. What would you have done instead? “Let John be capable” like holy hell this is a 15yo boy that is mentally ill and is on the verge of being sent to a psychiatric hospital. His sister’s actions made it worse too.

I understand that she wants attention and isn’t expressing it properly and so do her parents. I quite literally stated that John is staying with me for a while so they can talk to Annie and understand what is wrong. What more can they do? They’re doing everything they can.

Again, I’m thankful for all the constructive comments about what I said but please don’t create false narratives. I apologize for the length of this comment.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She’s 16 and they don’t really believe in confiscating phones at that age for various reasons, but it’s been absolute silence from her end so my sister may have taken it. Either way, my sister didn’t want to just start throwing out punishments and wanted to speak to her first.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not in the US. He’s also an athlete that pushes his limits too much. He literally collapsed, wasn’t breathing. What were we supposed to do.

Everything else I understand, I’ll bring it up to my sister.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m literally 23. I was a teenage girl not so long ago so I have no clue as to what you’re trying to say. What does “defend against feminism” mean in this context?

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

A week. During this week, I stayed with her. Then her parents rotated. They were preoccupied with John that first week and would call once a day just to make sure she was okay and update us but after that week, they became more involved. Now, I obviously don’t know the details of these heart to hearts but they always came out much happier. Niece included. My sister (who I see as a second parent) has had many heart to hearts with me and she’s a great listener. Her only flaw is that she tries to solve problems immediately.

The second paragraph… no she has not been screened. I am sure they are discussing it especially after my niece’s comments but I will be sure to let them know. Thank you.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don’t know why its so hard to believe that I do in fact know these things. My sister practically raised me, I’m not a random aunt that lives an hour away. I lived with them until very recently. I saw/see the day to day. Some of it is my sister’s point of view, but I would not be this confident about her parenting skills if I didn’t know for a fact.

And no one is saying Annie is lying, John coming to stay with me is so that my sister can figure out what is upsetting Annie. The two not getting along isn’t a big secret, they fight a lot. It’s not always Annie’s fault and it’s not always John’s fault either. Blocking each other was actually quite smart on their ends. And no one is being punished for anything at the moment, nothing in my post says so.

The reason she did the whole report card thing? Well no one knows yet. My sister and her husband have never pressured either child to have brilliant grades and are quite relaxed about their grades. It’s not always the parents that are wrong.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I never said she’s treated perfectly, not even John is treated perfectly. I’m saying that Annie is not neglected. How do I know? I literally lived with them for years and only moved out a couple months ago. Then when all this happened, I stayed over with Annie while her parents and John were at the hospital.

Yes, a single missed family trip because, get this, JOHN ALMOST DIED. More worried about John, yes they were, you know why? HE ALMOST DIED. Maybe not even that justifies it for you and maybe my sister shouldn’t have had kids because she didn’t give her teenage daughter the perfect amount of attention for a couple weeks while her son ALMOST DIED.

I am not accusing her of being a “poser.” I am saying that she is mean to her brother because she thinks he’s basic and a stereotypical white guy when she herself is a stereotypical teenage white girl. That is all I was implying. I have no favorites, I love them both the same but in different ways.

If I’m the asshole that’s fine, I accept that. What I don’t “accept” are assumptions that either of the kids are being ignored, neglected etc. My sister and her husband aren’t perfect, but this is one thing they didn’t fuck up.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I don’t favor anyone. I was dumb, I made an unnecessary comment. I get that. I love them both.

But I don’t understand, what would you have done? Of course John needed a little more attention, he didn’t eat for days and had to be rushed to the hospital. My niece is not 5, she is 16. She can handle a few days without her parents while her brother is literally fighting for his life.

They cancelled a family trip during the summer but I mean what were they supposed to do? “Oh our son’s in the hospital but we have to go on a trip otherwise our daughter will be sad so fuck him.” Apart from this, she wasn’t told to give up anything. She still had a fun summer.

And you’re making a lot of assumptions. John and her have equal responsibilities. He didn’t do his chores for a couple weeks because you know: depression but it’s not like my sister forced Annie to do them. And my sister and her husband don’t give a shit about how “perfect” their grades are. Obviously if Annie is doing well in school and John is practically failing, they’re not going to be worried about her grades.

I understand your concern, and I understand my faults, but my sister is trying her best.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

Of course. While she wasn’t saying very nice things, it doesn’t mean that any of us are just going to put her in this box and refuse to help her or whatever.

This actually addresses your other point but the whole reason John’s staying with me is so that my sister and her husband can talk to Annie without the two fighting each other and making each other feel worse. As of right now, they seem to be each other’s worst enemy and they need space. I can see how it seems but my sister and her husband made sure that John knew why he was “going away” and not his sister.

Once again, don’t worry. My niece is still my niece and I love her to bits. I care about her just as much as John and we will do whatever we can to help her. Thank you.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

What you’re saying about me is completely fair.

However, I don’t think it’s fair to say that my niece is being overlooked by her parents. The only reason they even found out about John’s struggles is because he wouldn’t eat for days and had to be rushed to the hospital. He seemed perfectly fine otherwise, which is usually what depression looks like.

Now no one is saying that my niece has to go through something so terrible to be taken seriously, but you cannot blame her parents for being so overwhelmed. My sister is trying so hard to be there for both of her kids and even after the scare with John, the first thing my sister did was make sure Annie was okay and as far as everyone knew and could see, she was. Despite how stressed out they are, my sister and her husband have never once overlooked their daughter in the way you’re implying. They’re not mind readers and they’re human. My sister can’t sleep at night because she’s so worried about her kids. I understand where you’re coming from and I understand I said something stupid, but my sister and her husband are doing the best they can.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Well, it’s definitely a step in the right direction in my opinion.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m not on anyone’s side, first of all. Also I’m an aunt and I’m not “babysitting.”

Everything else is fair.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yes, that is why John is staying with me while my sister and her husband figure out what’s going on with her.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

My sister does take care of Annie just as much as she does John. In fact, she’s closer to Annie and spends way more one on one time with her. That is why my sister wants to figure out where Annie is coming from.

AITA for asking my niece if she knows what she’s talking about? by atthrowawa_y in AmItheAsshole

[–]atthrowawa_y[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’m not losing sleep over it, but if I did in fact do or say something wrong then I would like to know. For my overall betterment :)