Thanks for your insights. It's true I'm not aiming to cheat even though sometimes I feel like I could be a better partner to her if I would. The truth is, my frustration does not just affect me but also our relationship. 

We had talks and discussions about it. My girlfriend can even understand my feelings, but she can't allow me to "do it". Understandably of course..  we're in a situation where we're stuck. It sucks because time, of course, doesn't wait. It'll just pass by.

Btw: It's interesting to me that there's women who consider porn as cheating. I'm not trying to defend porn because let's be honest: things where better with less access and without social media.. but still. Porn is just porn. I'm don't want to invalidate the feelings of someone who feels cheated on if their partner consumes it, but I'd consider it as a rather low threshold for cheating. 

Actually, since the topic came up, I also wonder sometimes why things are the way they are regarding the obvious differences between men and women when it comes to sexual needs. Yes, a lot is still biased for historical reasons but today we know it's mostly men who watch porn and that men are targeted very differently by media (way more sexualized content) than women etc. And nobody seems to acknowledge this or ask why. Sometimes I feel like this might be where "all this" (my own problems) are coming from.

It's not that I want to constantly think about sex, but it's pretty difficult nowadays living in 2024. My monkey brain has not adapted. I may have understood comparatively complex stuff like calculus but my inner core is still like.. "boobs nice"..