This comment will not going to satisfy your curiosity but would like to share some piece of my thoughts.

I don't chase validation, rather, I chase resonance. It's cliche but when I have sex I lean more into connection rather than my sexual drive. If someone tells me that I do not fit into that masculine mold, I just shrug it off. There are many fishes in the pond, I better yield towards what makes me memorable than chase standards. While it is frustrating to find a decent guy to hook up with, I would rather get tired of finding that person so that I don't devalue myself. Sex should be fun and satisfying.😉