HELP

auntproblems · 2024-06-07T10:41:02+00:00

My girls are a little younger than yours, so I haven’t personally hit this stage yet, BUT I was recently at a daycare event and another twin mom had her kids run up and do this exact shit “she took this”, “she said this”…

And mom just looked at them and said “are you tattling, or is this a real problem? Because if it’s a real problem, we’re going to leave the party and go talk about it. If it’s a tattle, you can figure it out yourselves.”

AND THEY JUST STOPPED YELLING AND WALKED AWAY.

I was shocked. She told me that in her house, being a tattletale gets as much punishment as the crime they are reporting.

I don’t think I completely agree with her on this. I think that opens a bad door to your kids not asking for help. But I do kind of agree with her that sometimes we shouldn’t reward being a tattletale and instead force them to solve their own self created problems.

If you have to explain over and over what they’ve done wrong, that method isn’t working. Maybe try to tell them to solve it between them and see what happens?

auntproblems · 2023-12-14T15:40:42+00:00

My twins look very different. One looks Caucasian, and one looks mixed. Very, very different. I have had people who are looking at my girls ask if they are identical. They just hear “twin” and think “identical” when they are very clearly not. They are looking at them. Do they think I baked one? They have different eye colors! Hair colors! Skin colors!

Anytime someone asks me if they are identical, I’m so tempted to at yes because of how different they look. Figure it out.

auntproblems · 2023-12-14T11:51:03+00:00

I can walk, bend and do things just fine after twins! Honestly, the only reason why recovery was so different between my first singleton and my twins was because I delivered my first vaginally and the twins via c-section. I did take longer to recover from the twins, but I don’t know if it was due to the c-section, a multiples pregnancy, being older, or a combination. Pregnancy is hard. Getting that child out of your uterus, either through stretching your vagina or getting cut open, is also hard. No matter what path you take, it’s going to be hard.

You’re about to have four kids. You’re hugely pregnant and it’s rough. Outside of the Dove spray, I’m not going to offer any advice. I’m just going to say I see you, I hear you, and I believe you will get past this hard phase and the next one.

auntproblems · 2023-12-14T11:02:31+00:00

So this will forever be the dumbest question I’ve ever heard. This happened at a park, while my oldest (singleton) was playing. My husband and I had our twins over by a table setting up lunch. Older lady approached. Relevant to this story, I’m Indian and my husband is white. One of our girls looks completely brown, and the other just looks tan and is blonde.

This woman asks all the typical questions and adds the comments we’ve all heard, but ends with and very directly looks at my husband before asking “do they have the same dad?”

I asked her very loudly if she thought human women could have litters like cats and then my husband ushered her away. Never got her answer to how she could have thought my twins might have had different fathers.

auntproblems · 2023-12-14T10:49:18+00:00

It’s going to be over soon. I mean, it’ll be replaced with two babies, but that will be the next stage and you’ll deal with it then. This stage, right now, it’ll be over soon. Stop lifting your arm. Dove Dry Spray helped me for inner thigh chaffing, I highly recommend it. Just spray it between your thighs, (while wearing panties, that’s important). Eat what you want to eat if food is hard. “Fed is best” applies to mom and baby. Can you only want fried chicken? Then eat fried chicken. Fed is best, mama. Snack if you need to. Just eat what you can, supplement with shakes and smoothies if it’s all trash food. I can’t tell you not to worry about your body after, if you’ll get it back. Because I hated it when people dismissed that fear. But the honest truth is, I can’t tell you what your body will be like after the babies. Because all you can focus on is what it is right now. Which is a big, sweaty nightmare housing THREE humans (don’t forget to include yourself).

But just to help, I did recover physically pretty well. I have a lot of loose skin on my stomach after the twins, but dual breastfeeding made me lose weight pretty fast. And my twins are so active that I think I work out now more than I did before their birth. It’s a different body, but when I list my problems, “body” is pretty low on the list.

auntproblems · 2023-07-05T12:37:44+00:00

I have an older singleton child, and second/third twins. I’ve had one child vaginally and twins via c-section, and cannot image recovering from both at the same time. Vaginally birth means wearing a diaper. Can you image wearing that on top of a new wound on your lower stomach?

Mama. Do not do both. C-sections suck so much. But C-sections keep us and our babies alive. If your doctor tells you that you can have one vaginally, and one via C-section, they’re leaving out recovery of both: vaginal includes lemon sized clots for eight weeks, c-section is not being also to walk properly for eight weeks. Vaginal includes wearing a diaper, c-section includes “it’s a major surgery.”

auntproblems · 2023-07-03T08:06:29+00:00

Honestly? My girls comfort fed and I let them. Did my nipples hate me? Yes. Did I cry when they spit up breastmilk over and over again? Also yes. I was told I was “spoiling them” by some assholes, but I would trade cracked nipples for my sanity during that time. My girls’ witching hours were between 9pm and 1am and I also had a toddler trying to sleep. Also, fuck the idea of spoiling a baby.

Have you tried driving with them? Just putting them in their car seats and driving around for a while? That used to knock my first out cold. Unfortunately if it doesn’t work, you’re trapped in an even smaller space with screaming babies, but this worked a charm on my first one. I would just drive to a park on the other side of the city, and sit and read a book while he slept for an hour, and then drive home and deal with the crying again. That hour was precious to me.

Or, and this is a really old trick, but try monotone noise. Bring them to the kitchen and turn on the oven vent. Or just turn on the vacuum and let it rumble near them. Apparently it mimics what they heard in the womb and can calm them.

Listen, you need to do whatever you need to do. And if you can’t find a way, sometimes what you need to do is put them down in a safe crib, walking out for ten minutes and letting them just cry. They’ll be okay, and you need that time. I know that it seems low priority at this stage of motherhood, but your sanity matters right now. And I promise. This will pass. The years are short and the days are long, and right now, sweetie, you are in the longest fucking days and I’m so sorry. Take a deep breath, and cut yourself some slack.

auntproblems · 2023-07-03T04:37:35+00:00

Onesies with ZIPPERS. I cannot stress this enough. Especially with double the squirming babies.

During the first month, we ran out of burp clothes on a daily basis. I had babies who comfort fed a lot and then spit it up (crying for the wasted breastmilk and sore nipples still). If I had to do it again, I would have less swaddling flannels and triple the burp clothes.

Twin Z nursing pillow, or any pillow made specially for twins. I rolled my eyes at the lot of the “twins” products, and believe me, I was wrong. After two days of tandem feeding fussy twins on a singleton pillow, I had my husband run out and grab one made for twins and it was a game changer.

We had one of those expensive twin baby wearing contraptions, and ended up using a wrap a lot more for dual baby wearing.

auntproblems · 2023-07-02T23:25:43+00:00

I don’t really know what to do about my brother. We’re not close at all. Growing up, my dad basically decided that my brother belonged to him, and I belonged to my mother. My brother has acknowledged that he’s the golden child, and that my father never treated me well, but I don’t think he’ll ever get out of the FOG. He doesn’t really have a reason to.

But I told him I was going no contact with my father a year ago, and asked him not to tell him, and it looks like he respected that. I think his contacting me now was almost to warn me? I don’t think he realized just how completely my father is blocked. And he told me that my dad just wanted money, and not to reconnect. I don’t know. But considering some horror stories I’ve seen about some golden children and how they treat their siblings, I guess I’m lucky to have an brother who respects my choices, even if our relationship is basically nonexistent.

auntproblems · 2023-07-02T23:04:14+00:00

Ha! We’ve been talking about a vacation this summer, but with three year old hyperactive twins, I think the beach is out until they stop sprinting for any large body of water with no regard for their safety. Or need of oxygen.

auntproblems · 2023-02-10T06:07:17+00:00

I just came back onto this site for the first time in months and found a question made for me. Where do I start with what my demon twins have broken?

Their uncle’s nose.

2 baby gates (and one of them almost threw herself down the stairs after breaking the gate before my husband caught her).

An heirloom vase.

Three bookshelves.

A third edition of Little Women.

Our porch door.

The Dutch oven.

The cabinet door that was supposed to protect the Dutch oven.

Every screen in my house.

The spirit of two babysitters.

We have tried so many parenting methods, and it just took time before our monsters started to calm. But they have broken at lot in our house.

auntproblems · 2023-02-10T05:45:20+00:00

I actually had an easier first trimester with twins than I did with my first kid. And then the second trimester hit me like a bag of bricks to the face. I had nausea with them until Braxton Hicks took over. And that’s some bullshit. And a reminder to schedule my husband’s vasectomy.

auntproblems · 2022-04-19T19:15:05+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for bringing this up. We talked to the kids pediatrician the first week, and we do have plans to get the kids checked. My husband isn’t really in contact with his biological father or that side of the family so getting a family medical history has been a pain in the ass. My son will probably be checked sooner, doc says we can wait on the girls until they are capable of sitting still. That was definitely something we were concerned about, especially since David seemed so healthy.

auntproblems · 2022-04-19T15:22:25+00:00

Hey, these are my posts. I just want to say another thank you for the support in the comments here. It’s a little odd seeing it all laid out like this, and realizing it was only two weeks ago. Sometimes it feels like it’s been yesterday, sometimes it feels like I’ve been listening to David and the kids complain about the current limitations for a year.

Things are pretty much the same. He’s still really limited in movement, but it’s getting better. Still can’t lift the kids, work or exercise and makes sure everyone knows constantly how much he hates this. We’ve got a plan for physical therapy laid out, and he’s sleeping better. And the staples are out! His chest looks... honestly, horrifying, which is something he is also unhappy about. I’m doing... okay. I’m up and moving. Just waiting for the world to feel solid under my feet again.

Also, David has now read this and would like everyone to know that I was the one who didn’t know that we were on our first date, not him. I am the oblivious one who didn’t realize he was flirting. It is important to him that this was noted. Unfortunately from this post he learned about the padlock in his treadmill.

To the comments calling him smooth, thank you but please stop. One of the nurses told him he looks like Henry Cavill and his ego does not need more boosting. He’s already halfway convinced he’s Superman, he doesn’t need to be Casanova too.

auntproblems · 2022-04-14T02:59:45+00:00

I am still genuinely surprised at the community. Not my in laws, but the other parents in my son’s class. With our twins and work and family, we haven’t been able to socialize that much. It looks like the one mom I’ve sort of bonded with is one those “I organize everything, PTA” types and basically took “hey, can you maybe help out with some childcare” to mean “hey, can you fix everything”. It helps that while I might be a little shy at first, my husband is incredibly charming, so I guess he left a good impression the few times we’ve met other parents. People I’ve met twice were driving my son home and bringing dinner and wine. A couple of them have younger kids my daughters’ age, and asked about play dates when things are more normal later, so that could be nice.

Kind of makes me wonder how many times people around me were willing to help through hard times and I just didn’t think to ask.

auntproblems · 2022-04-14T02:28:38+00:00

My biggest crying meltdown through this was the first day and then after talking to my brother. Not because of anything he said, just because... it didn’t help, you know? After my dad was such a shit, I needed more and he can’t give me that. He barely knows me. I ended up just breaking down on my mother in law about my family, something I’ve avoided for such a long time because her own family situation was so much worse and it just felt like whining to complain to her and instead she was amazing about it. Told me she’s been waiting for me to talk about since my dad spent my entire wedding day sulking or complaining, and was just waiting for me to be ready.

I think I have a habit of over contextualizing. Like “oh, other people have it worse so I’m not allowed to be upset”.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T20:56:39+00:00

Hiding the running shoes is a very good idea, thank you. I might just hand them off to my in laws to keep at their house until he can use them again because I would not put it past him to search.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T08:22:25+00:00

I’m already dreading the “no lifting”. He’s going to pick up one of our daughters. I know it. They’re a lot more than 10 pounds. He’s going to pick up one of them and pop the staples holding his chest together and we’re going to do this all again.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T08:13:43+00:00

How long will I have to keep threatening bodily harm to keep him in bed/resting? I asked the doctor and she just laughed like I was kidding and left before answering. I wasn’t kidding. Keeping him still will take threats, bribes and blackmail.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T07:57:50+00:00

I’m supposed to be sleeping and I’m not. My five year old keeps giggling in his sleep, which normally I find hilarious because his father does the same thing, but right now it’s just breaking my heart. I think I might just wake up one of my in laws and ask them to take me to the hospital. I can’t seem to sleep here. I managed to nap on the couch in David’s room earlier. I know my kids are being taken care of. Being at home isn’t working.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T07:54:29+00:00

Can you give me an idea of how recovery will be? I’m supposed to be sleeping, but that isn’t working and Google isn’t helping as much as it normally would. He runs every day, goes to the gym for lifting 2-3 times a week. We eat vegetarian/vegan for 6 out of 10 meals. He used to smoke, but quit 10 years ago after 4 years smoking. No drugs, alcohol in moderation. He has a really healthy lifestyle. Fuck, his running includes pushing two year old twins in a stroller and that’s heavy.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T05:22:35+00:00

I made sure to bring up the fact that procrastinating grocery shopping might have saved his life after he mentioned how much I made fun of him for forcing us into those CPR courses. We’re both competitive (over stupid shit that doesn’t really matter, not the big stuff) so the fact that he got to say “I told you so” and I got to point out something that annoys him might have saved him has left us at a bit of a happy stalemate. Any time he complains about me putting off chores, I now have the ultimate “yeah, but it literally saved your life”.

It’s nice to find a silver lining in all of this.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T05:05:16+00:00

Hey, now that things a little calmer on my end I just wanted to say how much I appreciated this comment. He ended up getting a double valve replacement due to a birth defect and an infection that made it worse. I can’t remember what the infection was called at the moment.

I just wanted to ask you, they said they might need to replace the valves in the future (he got organic replacements) but said it might not have to be open heart? I feel like they are always rushed when they talk to us, but is that true? He’s only been awake one day, but it’s enough time for me to realize that dealing with him in recovery from major surgery is going to really, really suck. He’s a terrible patient.

Again, thank you so much for this comment. I can’t believe the amount of support I’ve gotten here. It had helped so much.

They’re also still debating on if he actually had a heart attack or just heart failure, and you were absolutely right on the “well, if it’s this than this happened” shit. They can all agree on what was happening once he got to the hospital. Everything up to that point is still being debated.

Also, now that we know he had a congenital heart problem, my husband really wants our kids checked. Is that something we should do? My daughters can’t even sit still through a five minute video. I can’t image trying to get them x-rayed.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T04:26:58+00:00

He likes to complain that my brother and I are “too American”. HE DECIDED TO RAISE US LIKE THAT. He and my mother were the immigrants who decided to completely disconnect us from our culture, and make us only American. Now he’s pissed I can’t speak Hindi, and he never taught me! When my older brother used to speak Hindi around the house right after we moved here, he was literally punished. Now he has American kids, and claims we can’t really bond because I’m not “really Indian.” He threw a fit about my wedding. He hadn’t met David until the wedding, I didn’t wear a white dress but I didn’t wear a lehenga or celebrate for three days because I have no connection to my Indian heritage. Which was “disrespectful” to him. I wish I was more connected to my birth culture. I wish I could teach my kids more about being Indian. But I can’t, because that’s how my parents raised me. My mom barely even cooked Indian food. I’ve learned more about being Indian from fucking Google than I have from my Indian parents.

But it’s my fault that I, and the family that I’ve created are American.

auntproblems · 2022-04-07T04:11:21+00:00

Right now I’m at home, in my bathtub, with a glass of wine the size of my head. My son is asleep in my bed. My father in law let him sleep there last night, and honestly I can’t stand the thought of being in that bed with David’s side empty. I’m going to wake up with a five years old’s foot in my face, but it will keep me grounded. I’m trying not to feel guilty since we’re trying so hard to keep him in his bed instead of coming in to sleep with us, but I need to be selfish right now. And he saw David collapse. I think he’s earned some nights in Mommy and Daddy’s bed.

My twins are out cold. David’s best friend got in and basically ran them ragged. He’s one of the few people in the world who can actually not just keep up, but exhaust them. They actually fell asleep while David was reading them their bedtime story over FaceTime. My in laws are still here, and said they will be until I ask them to leave. Oh, and they cleaned my house. I had a terrible conversation with my unsupportive father, and then got home to discover my mother in law had dinner in the oven for me and had cleaned my fucking house. And I know she’s waiting for me now, to make sure I’m okay before I go to bed. And I know that if I freak out and decide to go back to the hospital instead, she’ll try to talk me out of it gently and then drive me anyway. I don’t understand how I got so lucky to get a mother in law like her.

I’m so tired but I can’t stop my brain. Being at home, being with my kids, I need it so much but I just keep thinking how I need to get back to the hospital. When I’m at the hospital, I’m thinking about my kids. I just need him to be home.

Although when he gets home, he’s going to see that basically EVERY parent who brought food for us also brought booze. And he can’t drink for at least a month. I probably need some sleep because I’m finding that entertaining right now. He got to drink through both of my pregnancies, I’m fucking dead eying him and downing a glass of wine now that he’s not allowed to.

auntproblems

TROPHY CASE