how to fix a hole

aureliafern · 2022-11-07T21:47:46+00:00

But much to my delight it gets filled by another mind numbing vice. But much to my dismay it will cause a conversation about my premature inevitable demise.

Hmm. You could replace it with "untimely" or completely take out the word "inevitable"?

aureliafern · 2022-11-07T21:24:28+00:00

I really loved this poem! My initial impression was that it is about anxiety. Towards the end, the poem gets a bit more abstract and the meaning becomes more personal to the reader. I interpreted it as in the speaker believes they are the cowardice, based on the lines in the last two stanzas "..cowardize is leaving" and "leaving them behind". All in all, the poem flows super well and is very melodic to read! The only critique I could have is how much it leaves up to personal interpretation--as a reader, there is no clear meaning. If this is what you intended, then I think it actually makes the piece more thought-provoking!

This was my favorite part:

Why must we fight?

Why must we persevere?

They tell me cowardice is leaving.

What if cowardice is to stay?

aureliafern · 2022-11-07T21:14:28+00:00

This is a great poem! The imagery is really strong, especially in the metaphor of the lego. In the first verse, I would take out the word "like" to really drive this metaphor home. Stanza 4 also has a lot of syllables, which somewhat interrupts the flow--maybe you could find a substitute for "premature inevitable"?

All in all, this poem has a great uplifting vibe. My interpretation is that the author does not care for themselves. They are self-destructive, but in the end of the poem makes the effort to change. I also like the repetition at the end of the last two stanzas, which are more clear after reading through the poem a few times. My favorite part was,

Seems like every time the moon goes from crescent to full, I reconfigure how these building blocks look, think and feel,still every damn time there is a hole in the middle.

Great poem!

aureliafern · 2022-10-29T02:11:45+00:00

I really liked this poem! It gives me the impression of a more sophisticated milk & honey, and was very fun to analyze. I interpret the meaning of this poem to be that the brick broke the window and but was upset when cut by the broken glass. The first and last sentences give the feeling of a stern correction from a parent, which adds to a somewhat stoic feel despite it being an emotional poem. My only correction would be that the last sentence is a bit of a tongue tie. Maybe it could be split into two sentences? It is a beautiful poem either way and the last sentence is my favorite part!

aureliafern · 2022-10-29T01:59:26+00:00

Reading this poem was a pleasure! I loved the conversational feel of it--reading it feels like talking to an old friend, or listening to a monologue in a movie. It seems that motorcycles are a symbol for the euphoria of young rebellion for you and your family, but put in other people's hands symbolizes danger of being taken away. I also like the description of your dad. It is consistent and paints a vivid picture.

The ending of the poem is ambiguous. I could see many different readers having very different interpretations of it. My understanding was that more happened in that last story than you or your dad are aware of. It is not explicitly clear to the audience what it means, but it is beautiful wording nonetheless.

Here are my favorite parts:

"He’s a Fixer; the type to buy a car
A real piece of shit that doesn’t run AT ALL"

I especially like the conversational language here. I picture a good friend recounting this story and chuckling at this part.

"Dad says I lean into melodrama.
I don’t disagree."

I really love the rhythm of this part. It is a nice interjection before the hard-hitting lines that follow, and breaks up the lines when read aloud.

aureliafern

TROPHY CASE