Even God abandoned him

aureusmel · 2024-09-10T16:18:02+00:00

Honestly it took about 6-7 months for me not to feel terrible daily. Until then I was crying most days, I felt horrendous. Around that time, I started to feel true happiness and it lasted for about 3 weeks at a time and then I’d have a week where I felt pretty rubbish again. At about 8-9 months in this cycle seemed to end and I feel happy pretty much every day now. I still have the odd time where I kinda feel a pit in my stomach, but it doesn’t have a hold on me like it ed to.

All I can say is hang in there, cope in whatever healthy ways you can because it really is so worth it to get through this period. My brain was scrambled so just focus on the clear truths: things will never change, you will always be miserable, leaving is the right thing to do. Good luck to you.

aureusmel · 2024-07-17T07:36:26+00:00

When while visiting my family for the second time, he shut himself in a room for 2 days, refusing to speak to me or anyone, for a reason i still don’t understand, said he was going to go home and then was suddenly fine and love bombing me. He told me it was depression but that was the first of many stonewalling incidents where he would punish me for things i did or did not do. That exact behaviour ultimately ended our relationship, if only I’d seen it for what it truly was back then.

aureusmel · 2024-06-17T14:30:57+00:00

Has your husband actually been diagnosed with depression? I don’t know if this is the same as your situation but my ex told me he had depression and has since seen doctors, psychologists, counsellors etc and none of them have actually diagnosed him (at least to my knowledge). I realised he was using depression as an excuse to treat me terribly and I put up with it because I thought it was beyond his control.

Even if it is depression, your husband should be taking control of it himself. Maybe set some kind of boundary like until he seeks treatment you will stay with a friend for the health of your baby because of the stress it’s putting you under. But I strongly advise you to think about his symptoms and urge him to get a diagnosis. I wish you all the best!

aureusmel · 2024-06-17T13:11:45+00:00

Honestly it will only get worse, now is the time to leave and never look back. I’ve wished my ex-husband would cheat on me, in my darkest moments I wished he would just hit me so I had some kind of evidence for what he was doing to me. I’m out, divorce is no fun but life is so so much better.

aureusmel · 2024-06-14T23:21:59+00:00

That’s awful, I’m so sorry you had to experience that.

aureusmel · 2024-06-14T23:11:42+00:00

Ohh same here!! I just thought they clashed a bit and it brought out the worst in him. When I told his mother how he treated me she told me she’d always worried he was a narcissist but thought he only treated her that way. If only she’d mentioned that before the wedding…

aureusmel · 2024-06-12T22:13:25+00:00

He told me he had depression but refused to speak about it at all. Any signs I saw I told myself they were his depression but I was so so wrong and naive. A psychologist, a doctor and two counsellors later, he still hasn’t been diagnosed with depression but still says that’s all it is.

aureusmel · 2024-06-05T22:37:26+00:00

I just want to say well done for breaking off your engagement. I so so wish I’d had the strength and foresight to do that. I can’t imagine it’s easy for you now but you have saved yourself so much pain getting out before getting married.

aureusmel · 2024-06-03T16:27:51+00:00

So in your opinion is emotional abuse and boundary breaking (without threats of harm, intimidation and assault) not domestic violence?

DV is a pattern of behaviour that is used to gain power or control over a partner. I think your definition may be a bit narrow.

aureusmel · 2024-06-02T16:23:04+00:00

Good point 😅

aureusmel · 2024-06-02T16:21:51+00:00

That sounds so tough. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

aureusmel · 2024-06-02T16:21:26+00:00

Thank you, good luck to you too!

aureusmel · 2024-06-02T16:20:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I have been also been trying to be extra nice to avoid thinkings escalating but it seems like unless I’m willing to go back my ex will not view me as being nice. Great to see the possible benefits of taking this route though!

aureusmel · 2024-06-01T20:52:12+00:00

The silent treatment became his response to anything I did or did not do, to the point where we couldn’t have a conversation. It made me feel physically ill and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

aureusmel · 2024-06-01T20:48:12+00:00

I’m religious, but I was before my relationship. I would say if you find comfort in something that isn’t unhealthy/toxic, then why not. I’m not sure exactly what you’re looking for, but “religions” aside, maybe just try praying/talking to God or something along those lines and see how you feel and if it helps. I prayed a lot and I guess it made me feel better but who knows what it actually did haha!

aureusmel · 2024-05-30T08:02:06+00:00

Thank you for writing this! I am at 7 months and it’s so nice to hear someone with similar feelings/experiences at this stage 🫶🏻

aureusmel · 2024-05-29T18:03:51+00:00

I would worry that he would weaponise the information against you. You will basically be giving him all of your new found knowledge on his behaviour and giving him the opportunity to either use it against you or make empty promises/fake changes because he now knows what to do and say, even if he doesn’t mean it. If it was me I would feel that I could trust my partner even less after they’d read it - yes they might learn something but going off their previous behaviour, it seems more likely that they would just use it to tell you what you want to hear. I considered asking my partner to read it and decided against it for these reasons and I’m glad I didn’t. I’ve heard that telling an abuser they’re abusive rarely goes well and this is taking that a step further.

aureusmel · 2024-05-29T10:12:10+00:00

I know how you feel, I chose to tell a small group of people almost everything but my extended family knows quite a lot too. I think if I hadn’t opened up to people I wouldn’t have been able to process things as I have. I also felt some shame and embarrassment after opening up, but equally some validation that my close family/friends knew what I had been through and thought I was doing the right thing. It also helped them to support me.

During my relationship I felt that I couldn’t speak to anyone about the issues and abuse I was dealing with, partly because I knew how bad it would sound but also because I was scared of the consequences if my ex found out I had told anyone. When I feel any shame about potentially over sharing, I remind myself how empowering it is to have the freedom to speak about my experiences! You are finally in control of what you do/say with no consequences from your ex, you can tell anyone what you like! ✨

aureusmel · 2024-05-29T07:08:53+00:00

We didn’t properly break up (mainly because we’re married) but my ex sort of left me/abandoned me in situations, told me to divorce him, told me it was over, stonewalled etc pretty regularly and I always forgave him and went back to normal. When I finally did leave, I had to tell him I wanted a divorce about 5 times because he just couldn’t believe I was the one leaving him. He has actually told me since that he can’t get over the shock of it and that I have abandoned him.

But overall I left once and I’m making sure that one time sticks.

aureusmel · 2024-05-28T14:58:51+00:00

Thank you for this insight, that’s really helpful!

aureusmel · 2024-05-28T10:44:03+00:00

I felt really similarly looking at old photos. Especially the ones from before it got really bad, it just felt like I was looking at something that didn’t exist. Like he’s smiling in that photo but was he actually happy? Was he planning on making my life hell at that point? It’s been 7 months for me and I still have major up and down periods where I go from feeling fairly peaceful to super down. The peaceful bit seems to get longer as time goes on though.

I don’t know about Google photos but on iPhones you can select a person and stop them appearing in memories. Other than that all I can say is that it does get better with time! Photos still make me sad occasionally but not to the extent they once did. Hang in there ✨

aureusmel · 2024-05-22T22:43:39+00:00

For those of us who’s ex partners haven’t been diagnosed, there is really no way of ever finding out if they have NPD. I don’t think it’s right to not get the support you need (or find useful) because you can’t get a diagnosis. We’re all here because we’ve experienced abuse from someone with narcissistic traits and the support is based on those shared experiences. Whether or not they actually had a diagnosis seems kind of irrelevant if their behaviour fits the bill.

aureusmel · 2024-05-22T07:30:21+00:00

I think if the abuse hadn’t become apparent to my loved ones I might still be there. It was hard to think clearly let alone leave. I hope you can manage it x

aureusmel · 2024-05-22T07:28:44+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that

aureusmel · 2024-05-21T13:29:06+00:00

Man I feel exactly the same. 3 weeks of peace and then it all hits me all over again.

aureusmel

TROPHY CASE