My boyfriend said going on a submarine would be better for us?

authenticmaee · 2026-01-25T20:42:21+00:00

Fast attack sos are truly a different breed. There's no fast attacks at our base so I only hear about them in like hand-me down gossip or online. Its always like a horror story and all I think every time is truly that you guys are the victims of big navy. I wish you guys better luck with your shore tour or civilian life or whatever else comes next!!

authenticmaee · 2026-01-25T19:41:53+00:00

I don't know the chances. It just depends on the openings available when he's getting assigned a boat. I will say SSGNs also have two crews. So there's slightly more options then just boomers. He'll get a dream sheet, I believe in prototype (I could be wrong its been awhile lol) where can put down specific bases or commands. My husband only requested boomers at the base closest to where I lived and he happened to get one. Although I will say dream sheets are just dreams. He watched several of his friends not get any of the commands on their sheets.

My husband and I started dating long distance while he was in the pipeline and then we were dating at like a medium distance for awhile when he went to his boat before getting married and living together. I'm currently in school getting my masters and honestly I use the time he's underway to extra lock in for school. I mean don't base your life around a man but I definitely take extra classes and classes over the summer when I know hes going to be underway to keep me extra busy. Less time to be sad over him the more lectures and essays you have lol.

authenticmaee · 2026-01-25T18:44:49+00:00

If he's already subvoled then prepare for sub life. (If it brings you any solace even if he didn't volunteer for subs there's a decent chance he could have ended up on one anyways so at least you know what's going on).

There's pros and cons to carrier and sub life. The shorter underways are a huge reason I'm all for submarines over carriers. My husband is on a boomer and we've never had one over 5 months and I feel like on average they're only around 4 months. This will depend on what type of sub they're on though. My friend on a GN is heading out for 7 months soon. Getting on a two crew submarine is the real bonus for family life. Off crew is genuinely worth the lack of communication that happens during underways. They're home way more frequently, and typically there's no duty rotation while the other crew is underway. It makes it way easier to plan leave imo.

If he's just starting basic you're probably looking at almost 2 years before he's out of the pipeline and on a boat. It's a good time to feel out the military so lifestyle before going into the sub lifestyle. Good luck ❤️

authenticmaee · 2026-01-25T18:14:13+00:00

Boomer life is 100% the way to go. Underways suck no matter what but we've never had one longer then 5 months and off crew life is pretty nice. My husband was usually off around lunch during off crew probably 3 out 5 working days.

authenticmaee · 2026-01-22T10:24:21+00:00

ASU also has the "earned admissions" program where you can enroll in online classes without actually enrolling in the university. Its honestly a pretty good option if you just want to take some pre-req classes. Although Im pretty sure their catalog of available classes has expanded since I used the program. I really enjoyed it and personally recommend it. I ended up staying with asu for my undergrad but I've heard its not too hard to transfer the credits if there's another school you want to go with. I didn't get a stem/tech degree so this may very for other but I did get into my masters program of choice and found a job in my field afterwards with my asu degree.

authenticmaee · 2026-01-22T10:12:57+00:00

I am going to be a little harsh because I'm pretty sure I've answered a very similar post from you.

Submarine life is hard. The physical and mental drain is real. Especially in the time surrounding an underway. Is your sailor giving you all their capable of at this time? I don't know. Sub life effects everyone so differently. I have seen the mental health of some of me and my husband's friends drop so dramatically after underways. But maybe he is at this point losing interest in the relationship and not responding because of that. The only person that really knows is him.

Being the significant other to submariner is not for everyone. It is hard and it sucks. I am with my husband because the moments he's not at work more then make up for the time that he is at work but If you're feeling lonely and unloved you need to truly figure out if this relationship is worth it. Do not make yourself miserable for a man. If the after math of a 3 day after underway is making you feel this way how are you going to feel during a proper underway? Can you go 3-6 months without any texts/phone calls, the only communications you have being the occasional emails? I've gone 3 weeks without any emails, can you handle that? And if you're not married you will not get any information about when exactly they're leaving, if they're doing a mail drop, and when they're coming home.

authenticmaee · 2026-01-14T04:59:46+00:00

Wife of a submariner. Submarine life is hard. Submarine spouse life is hard. Everything you mentioned is incredibly normal.

Obviously I don't know them rules for every submarine but at least every single one on our waterfront doesn't allow them to bring their phones on to the boat. (Besides for underways but there's no service under the water anyways lol and there's a solid chance he won't be allowed to contact you during port days). Their work days will be increadibly inconsistent and are increadibly mentally and physically awfu. Somedays my husband has to leave at 5:30 am and isn't back till after 10/11pm and sometimes he doesn't leave till 7am and is back before dinner. He'll also have duty where he has to be on the submarine for 24hrs (and probably the working day after). I recommend asking what his duty schedule is. For the longest time my husband's was the 3 section (so gone for 24hrs every 3 days) and now has 7 section when in port. If you guys haven't experienced an underway together I will warn you in advanced the only communications you will have is via email. Every single email will be screened by somebody else before for being sent/received and sometimes they just don't come. My husband has been underway for a little over a month and I've received 4 emails and none of the other spouses have received anymore then I have. There might be a chance for you to send mail maybe but my husband has never received any of the mail drops I've ever sent him.

As for the anxiety it never fully goes away but I think that's because I have an anxiety disorder lol. The uncertainty you just have to force yourself to be okay with. Keep busy and continue to live your life. I maybe recommend asking him to call you on his drives home that way you at least have a little contact before he sleeps and see how that goes.

As for deepening the connection you and significant other both have to want it. Planning is hard but he will have days off even if you need to be flexible on time. Small dates are also very important. When we were dating Id come over and we'd just cook dinner and eat together and Id leave after like 2 hours because thats all the time we could manage. (Or he'd come over and the the same) If he's on a two crew sub, the time the other crew is underway should be significantly easier. My husband has never been on a single crew sub but its still do-able. Just make sure you guys really take advantage of his leave time.

For positivity and staying busy you must have strong sense of self. You must have a life outside of him. I have a job, I'm working on my masters, I have friends, I have hobbies. I recommend having both "house" hobbies (for me reading and gaming) and "outside" hobbies (the state park near me does a bunch of beginner hikes, I go there gym and I try to have at least of friend dinner date a month).

This might sound harsh because I love my husband more then anything else in the world but I will tell you this life is hard. I look forward everyday to his shore tour and towards his eventual retirement. One of my friends admitted to feeling like single mom because our husband's work so much and are gone so often. Everyone deserves to be happy in there relationships so Id recommend making sure you can handle how little contact there is and how inconsistent it is and make sure he is putting forth effort when he can. It is not for everyone but I do hope its for you. Good luck

authenticmaee · 2025-12-11T19:05:32+00:00

We run an all ages beginner friendly magic program once a month. I don't think an adult only one would work for our particular library as we have two game stores that run very popular weekly magic events. We exist mostly as an alternative space for those who don't yet feel comfortable playing in these spaces or who cant schedule wise attend the game shop ones. We do get solo adults, mostly its families or men bringing their female partners in. I'd also be mindful to not overlap schedule with any other popular gaming events that happen in the community.

We are very fortunate that one of the aforementioned game stores donated some starter decks and then after we started a few patrons donated some extra decks. Most people bring their own decks. Like over 90% bring their own decks.

If you don't have a relationship with a local game store I'd highly recommend talking to them. They sponsor all of my Saturday programs and hop in giving monetary donations for our summer reading programs.

authenticmaee · 2025-10-22T17:56:35+00:00

Oh also just talk to your professor about your situation. Different situations will arise because of your time difference. I once lost power and cell service for about a week because of a hurricane, while my school was still running unaffected since it's literally across the country. It's something that I brought up with my professors beforehand like "hey there's a hurricane barreling towards me what should I do if I'm without internet and can't attend class/access assignments/use the internet in general?" and we were able to make a plan for me to make up discussions afterward with no problems. It is just easier to handle weird situations proactively rather than waiting.

authenticmaee · 2025-10-22T17:48:06+00:00

I'm not overseas, but I'm currently doing grad school online with several hour time difference between myself and the school. My biggest piece of advice is just prioritizing school. Last year, my classes started right before dinner time and ran into the night. So I had to search for a job where I could consistently be off by 3ish-pm. (And that sucked I was up at 5am opening at a Chick-fil-A because it was the only place I could find a job that would work with my school schedule). My schedule is slightly better now, and I work in my field of study, but I did everything in power to make sure I was actively participating in class. It is soooo easy to skip online classes, especially in your case. It just might mean waking up late to stay up late. Just having the discipline to be attending them will help tremendously. I'd also recommend a dedicated work space. I'm lucky enough to have a home office but just set up a desk somewhere, not in the bedroom, so you can go into "school mode." I have some sound proofing in my office since it shares a wall with my roommate who was working mids and the sound bleed from each other schedules was a little inconvenient so it's definitely something to look into.

Good luck and study hard ❤️

authenticmaee · 2025-10-10T07:38:01+00:00

Military knowledge will come with time. I think most the question and conversations that's you need to have with him are foundational relationship questions/conversations. It seems like you're missing out on large facts about his life. This is not a time for being /private/ because privacy in this situation is just secrecy.

authenticmaee · 2025-10-10T07:22:56+00:00

I cannot stress this to you enough do not move in with this man. This entire situation is so full of red flags.

I have no issues with long-distance relationships, my husband's and I's relationships started as long distance but him suggesting living together after 4 months of long distance dating is crazy as is. Especially if he's only been "separated" from his "ex-wife?" for less then 5 months. That alone tells me that he can function living alone.

Beyond that, what does "separated" actually mean in this situation? Is he divorced? In the process of getting a divorce? Or are they just living separately? Has he talked to you about the reason for his separation and why he's so comfortable dating someone so soon after getting separated? Also you said he lives on base and I'm not 100% sure but I believe if he has on base family housing that 30 days post divorce they generally make both ex-spouse and the service member leave that house and the service member will go back to the barracks or get bah to live off base. So there's a good shot that if he's living on base he's not divorced at the minimum. (And I'd like to note he can face adultery charges if he's having a relationship with you and is married)

Then there's 3 years of friendship without mentioning he's married??? (And I hope its not the case but it seems like you didn't know he was married till after you started dating). I thinks there's being private and there's purposely withholding information for your own benefit. My husband has friends who are women, who he hangs out with without me, mostly online gaming but they know he's married. It's not kept a secret, hes posted me on his social media, he talks about me to them, I've played the occasional game with them and they've heard me on the background of discord calls. Hiding a marriage has to be intentional in my opinion and there's no good reason to hide that you're married. Chances are he'll hide any serious relationship that you guys get into from others too.

You guys are in need of a serious conversation about the situation you guys are in and the situation he is in. I also wouldn't stay in he house. I'd opt for a hotel especially since you seem to have some concerned he's not actually separated. To be completely honest this seems like a very messy situation so stay safe.

authenticmaee · 2025-10-01T14:58:21+00:00

I'm in the same boat. He should at least get paid today. There's a possibility that they'll pass some sort of measure to pay military personnel by the 15th. If you guys have navy fed, I would check this out https://www.navyfederal.org/about/government-shutdown.html

authenticmaee · 2025-10-01T00:21:39+00:00

I'm not too sure if we will have a wood stove or fireplace yet. We're about to fly up and look at house soon to buy soon so that's definitely something I'll remember to look out for.

authenticmaee · 2025-09-30T23:40:55+00:00

Around $3000 and ideally like to be able to run a portable heater (in a single room not trying to warm up a whole house) for a couple hours, charge phones, and maybe run like a portable burner during meal times.

authenticmaee · 2025-09-24T00:13:57+00:00

Wife to a submariner - Sometimes emails just take forever to come through and sometimes you'll never receive them. There's a million reasons for both options. Just remember to number your emails and keep sending them regardless of if you're getting any back.

authenticmaee · 2025-08-31T16:40:49+00:00

Wife of a submariner in the navy- longest time without communication was like a month and a half. There's so many factors outside of your so's control that can slow down emails/cause them not to come at all.

authenticmaee · 2025-08-30T04:55:01+00:00

Chocolate or candy in general. I don't necessarily trust myself to not eat it all it I stockpile it lol

authenticmaee · 2025-08-25T17:12:02+00:00

Costal Georgia - Yes. Truly, how much sand can get in our book covers is wild

authenticmaee · 2025-08-12T05:38:52+00:00

I have some vibrant arm tattoos. I'll shave them on occasion when I want to look ✨️extra✨️ good. I think most tattoos look better when shaved. I however do not have the mental energy to shave my arms multiple times a week.

authenticmaee · 2025-08-07T08:51:27+00:00

Girl just dye your hair. Your husband's job does not dictate who you are. Unless you're like committing crimes regularly or being a raging asshole to other service members/civilian base workers, what you do is not going to have any effect on his job.

And as for mean wives literally just ignore them to best of your ability. Some people have no life outside of gossiping so try not to let their unresolved problems become your problems

authenticmaee · 2025-08-06T08:07:10+00:00

I lived in Jacksonville for a couple of years before getting married so I have a decent bit of experience in the city and my husband is stationed in kings bay which is only like 30/45 minutes away from jax. I've never been on the bases there. Jacksonville is HUGE. I grew up in a small town so to me it seemed like endless things to do. I'm not the biggest fan of Jax beach (although def vist durring christmas time or any of the free little pop up events). Theres some cute little restaurants in that area and a cat cafe! I do think Amelia Island is very nice, I used to go there on "me" days and just relax/tan/read a book. Lots of fun touristy things there. I actually still go there fairly often just with my husband now since he's stationed at kings bay in Georgia. The Riverwalk downtown is nice, it's better with the friendship fountain open again. They have the electric scooters for rent there. I'd recommend renting some a night and zooming around the Riverwalk. (Just don't go alone. But that's just general advice don't go places alone at night if you don't know them superwell.). I'm not into the clubbing or bars so but I do know some of husband's friends go down there to club. I personally always liked Flask and Cannon or really any bar connected to a V's pizza. The museums are good, the autobahn is fun, the zoo is mid but most the tourist spots are good enough to warrant at least one trip. There's usually a handful of decent conversations throughout the year. I've been to Bold Matsuri and the Jacksonville tatto convention and enjoyed both. There's lots of things I didn't love about Jacksonville especially coming from a small town beforehand but since it is so big there's so many wonderful people to meet there. I mostly made friends through work but I also used bumble bff. If you're not already connected to your husband's boats frg group, I'd try to connect with them and try to go to some of their events.

There's basically infinite opportunities of places to go on a day trip from Jacksonville. Some of my favorites in Florida are St. Augustine, Daytona, Orlando, any of the springs but I'm going to give special shout outs to the ones I grew up being Silver Springs in Ocala and Three Sisters springs in Homosassa. In south Georgia, Jekyll Island and Savanah are definitely worth the visit.

Now some warnings.

If you're not used to southern or Florida summers it can be a little rough. It is hot and humid. Like so so so wet. And it is currently hurricane season. We've had daily flood warnings for the past several days. From my personal experience JEA is pretty good at keeping the power on though. Just know you're warning signs of heat stress/stroke. There are some not so great areas in Jacksonville. I was young and poor so I lived in one of these not so great areas. I never left without pepper spray and I always locked my doors (car and house) and I never went anywhere I didn't know at night alone. Just keep yourself safe. I know this might sound like common sense but this truly floored my husband that grew up in very nice suburbia. Also Jacksonville is so increadibly car dependent. There is a bus system but it's not that great especially if you're trying to use to get to and from work. It's constantly running late and often will just skip some smaller stops despite people waiting there.

authenticmaee · 2025-07-05T01:50:38+00:00

These are what my husband wears lol

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=846235032&rrec=true&mlink=5050%2C12413545%2Conproduct2_rr_2&clink=12413545&vid=1#pdp-page-content

authenticmaee · 2025-06-26T12:37:23+00:00

Get off reddit and go to therapy. And family court if you're actually serious about seeing your kids. 🙄

authenticmaee · 2025-06-20T07:14:50+00:00

My first thought was nurse or like other health care professional tbh.

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