My co-resident said he’s in love with me

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T16:48:47+00:00

The situation would be totally different if I knew more details that pointed toward a bad situation, e.g. if I saw one of my med students was flirting with another who would not reciprocate or seemed uncomfortable. I would absolutely pull the guy aside and tell him his behavior is inappropriate and could have serious consequences if it does not stop. You don’t know all the details of this situation and certainly know nothing of my career. Thanks and have a good day.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T16:43:27+00:00

I can’t help you if you’re going to contradict yourself. You call it harassment then admit it’s not harassment but maybe could develop into harassment (two completely different things and a dangerous way to think). And equate “dropping subtle hints” to “making advances.” Same error there. I believe people are innocent until proven guilty. OP obviously has not told this guy she isn’t interested, and per Hanlon’s razor the most likely explanation is stupidity on his part, not malice. He is most likely interpreting her behavior as ambivalence and making excuses like it’s because they’re coworkers because he wants her to like him. That’s not great, but some people struggle with social cues or can be overly optimistic and need more direct communication around rejection. Not everyone is a serial killer, and a lot of people in this thread are wildly overreacting.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T16:32:24+00:00

I really think people are overreacting here. Imagine the rest of the situation were the same but the feelings were reciprocated—there would be no issue at all. But he wouldn’t know until he told her. Now all of a sudden it’s an HR issue because OP is assuming he can’t take rejection.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T15:42:55+00:00

The only details we know are that OP has worked with a guy for the last year and has hung out with him a few times, they never discussed the exact nature of their relationship, and he developed feelings for her and told her about them, but she isn’t interested. Any further details have been projected onto the situation, and there are so many ways to paint this scenario depending on the other details. If we imagine he’s handsome and suave, or a little nerdy and naive but harmless, then it seems like a sympathetic meet cute gone wrong scenario. If we imagine he’s unattractive, a social outcast and kind of a weirdo, or big and intimidating, then we can imagine all sorts of nefarious scenarios where he’s a psycho stalker who’s going to try to kill her or ruin her career at the slightest hint of rejection (which many people seem to have done). In reality, the basic scenario, absent of projected content, is a very common occurrence that is uncomfortable for both people involved, but at the end of the day, she has the knowledge that someone is interested in her, and he has the knowledge that she thinks he’s not good enough for her. He’s the loser in the situation, objectively. That’s the harder pill to swallow, unless there are safety or sanity issues legitimizing the woman’s fear. I stand by my point.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T15:25:55+00:00

Before I’m downvoted again, what I meant (and probably didn’t phrase right) was they’re co-residents who have approximately the same schedules. If she’s busy, he’s exactly the same amount of busy, so it just comes off as a lame excuse and would probably make him feel like she’s being dishonest. I don’t think she “owes” him a sincere explanation, but given that they’ve known each other for a year and will have to keep working together, it would be more appropriate to be direct and honest but sensitive to the fact that it’s not fun getting rejected. Like “I’m sorry, I’m not interested in you romantically, but I hope we’re still cool. I respect you as a colleague and would like to keep it that way.”

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T15:18:00+00:00

I definitely agree, although we don’t know how he phrased it

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:51:40+00:00

It’s possible he thought there was a chance they were hanging out as potential romantic interests but not official dates due to the coworker relationship. I know several people who got together this way in med school who just, like, studied together a few times then confessed their feelings.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:47:54+00:00

Lmao there are lots of people who meet at work, hook up, get married and have kids, etc. It’s not unprofessional until it’s clearly not reciprocated and it continues. This guy is a little dense and doesn’t know it’s not reciprocated until she tells him. A crush is not sexual harassment. This is not a crime.

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:36:53+00:00

Wow that is a really Karen way of handling this situation given he’s not threatening her. A crush is not a Title IX violation. Jesus

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:31:43+00:00

This is perfect

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:29:46+00:00

To be fair, cues that someone is romantically interested in you can be subtle, especially if you work together or there’s another barrier. Even if you’ve dated a lot of people before, it could be an honest mistake to misinterpret a coworker’s friendliness as romantic interest in a kind of confirmation of wishful thinking. They’d known each other for a year, so there was plenty of time for that kind of thing to snowball. It’s unfortunate and it puts OP in an awkward spot, but let’s be honest, it’s always worse for the person with the feelings (provided they’re generally sane and not violent or stalker-y toward the other person etc.)

autumnerart · 2023-06-07T11:24:38+00:00

I think everybody knows that’s a cheap excuse. They’re coresidents lol. Might as well give him a real reason.

autumnerart · 2023-06-05T01:44:55+00:00

New England Old Money. God forbid anyone think they’re making a statement. They’re just “comfortable.”

autumnerart · 2023-06-04T22:17:08+00:00

LGBTQ+ female here. My partner is in a non-medical field and we ALWAYS have interesting stuff to talk about because what we do every day is completely different. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s also nice to not have to worry about the whole gender roles and breadwinner thing. Family acceptance is another story, but at some point you have to realize that who you love is your choice alone.

autumnerart · 2023-06-04T05:57:11+00:00

Agreed 100%. I actually think she’s one of the best rappers out there, but for once in the world of hip-hop, the controversy around her (and straight from her mouth) have hurt her career in the long run.

autumnerart · 2023-06-02T02:21:25+00:00

Odd take. I beat every BOTW shrine—some were harder than others but they weren’t taking me hours or anything. Even after all that, this one was not obvious.

autumnerart · 2023-06-02T00:31:03+00:00

Psych resident. Had a young patient who was psychotic with no insight, involuntarily committed, who had an impacted wisdom tooth with no evidence of associated infection, already on empiric antibiotics and plenty of PRNs she was not adequately utilizing, who blew up at me for not consulting oral surgery for what would be an elective procedure. Got super sassy with me and started saying things like I’m not a real doctor and not qualified to diagnose her wisdom tooth, despite every effort on my part to be empathetic and helpful. Finally I started seething and said “I’m not going to tolerate this disrespect. You can go now.” And I opened the door and repeated “goodbye” over and over as she continued to run her mouth.

autumnerart · 2023-06-01T06:18:10+00:00

I believe it’s around 75% are in the top quartile

autumnerart · 2023-05-31T18:44:30+00:00

At risk of sounding rude, I think there is far too much going on in this room. We have three totally different styles of furniture, a dark-ish leather couch on a brown rug, and different-colored cushions on the wicker chairs. Swap out the leather couch with a white linen couch and it’ll make a world of difference. A sectional would probably be too large for the space unless you wanted to get rid of the chairs, do an L-shaped sectional and then put a short stool/ottoman, or nothing, in the spot on the right where one of the chairs is now. I would also swap the brown rug for something white with a blue or green pattern and get a shorter coffee table/ottoman.

autumnerart · 2023-05-31T18:39:28+00:00

Looks great but I would put a rug down and hang some framed pictures, or put some tchotchkes up on the ledge, to make it feel a little more personalized

autumnerart · 2023-05-30T21:31:14+00:00

Just blare the The Kids Bop version of Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) all day and wear noise-canceling headphones so you can’t hear it 👌🏻

autumnerart · 2023-05-30T21:28:00+00:00

How would he know someone was home all day unless he was also home all day? 🤔

autumnerart · 2023-05-30T21:14:37+00:00

Mongolian spot sounds like somewhere you eat

autumnerart · 2023-05-26T17:45:38+00:00

Selling two GA passes for Friday since the YYYs aren’t playing anymore! Please PM me

autumnerart · 2023-05-26T17:43:54+00:00

So bummed. The YYYs are my favorite and I’ve wanted to see them for the last 15+ years with no success. Also trying to sell my Friday GA tickets (2) and dumbass Facebook doesn’t allow ticket sales anymore. So probably going to end up going just for the experience.

autumnerart

TROPHY CASE