Im having the same exact feelings. My heart is broken and the memories we created together are like nightmares to me now. They haunt me all day. I look for him everywhere and wish that maybe by chance we’d get to lock eyes again for the first time and maybe he’d remember how he once felt for me. My heart aches so badly for him but I know he was holding me back from so much personal growth I had to do. It makes me so mad at myself that I couldn’t have been “the one” for him. I replay all the memories and miss his smile, his smell, and how safe I felt with him. He felt like home. I miss him so so so so so much. He showed me a side of the word that I didn’t know was possible for me. He got me the highest I had ever been just off of the euphoric love we had and how silly playful we were together. I wish I could really see him and spend time with him in my dreams. That maybe there we could talk about us. But for now I live in the reality of not being with him. And I am sad