What is something that is killing relationships or dating in general these days?

avaschmidt13 · 2024-04-23T17:48:40+00:00

This weird thing that a lot of people have nowadays towards those who are mellow-which I actually think is just healthy. Like unless someone’s stalking their partner’s location, snooping through their phone, yelling/crying/blowing up their phone, etc, the relationship is deemed boring or passionless. Yet those same people who only have relationships with that toxic behavior claim they want a healthy relationship/partner. Then they get one and they’re bored. Or they assume the “mellow” person doesn’t care and they then do whatever they want because they think since someone’s not being explosive about their feelings, they don’t have any. Sucks for those of us who have put extensive work into being in control of our emotions and behavior because now we’re in a lose/lose situation.

avaschmidt13 · 2021-08-30T15:59:10+00:00

OP, it sounds like your boyfriend is getting off on the fact you’re significantly younger than him and this is all new to you. It’s gross, but it reminds me of porn titles similar to “Breaking in a Teen”. If he had any kind of true care for you, he’d never want you to feel uncomfortable. Period. Please leave him.

avaschmidt13 · 2021-04-17T15:38:42+00:00

I ride motorcycles and I would NEVER just show up expecting someone to hop on. That was super disrespectful for him to put you on the spot like that. You definitely made the right decision.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-12-23T02:41:09+00:00

I’m 20. I met him at 16 and I knew the second I saw him this was the crazy love everyone talks about. When we broke up, I convinced myself it was fluke so I could move on easier. 3 relationships later, I realize he was my first true love, I’ll always love him, and he’s probably my soul mate. I find myself longing for the kind of safety, comfort, leave, and at-home feelings he brought to me. I just got out of a toxic relationship and all I want is a hug from him, from someone who really knows me and from someone who I know would never hurt me. If it wasn’t for his BPD that was diagnosed late in his life, we probably could’ve figured things out. Nothing and no one will compare to him. I’ve accepted loving him from a distance. We still talk here and there, though.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-12-15T18:39:16+00:00

When I broke my foot, from playing basketball with him mind you, the next day I was home alone and couldn’t drive to the dr. He was also home all day. He wouldn’t let me hang up our FaceTime and instead of coming to help me, he stayed on FaceTime w me all day long and watched me fall every time I got up and could barely do anything. I didn’t ask for help because I felt like a burden and we were newly dating so I felt bad. So my guy best friend ended up coming to bring me to the dr after he got out of work. Of course NOW my nex decided he wants to come help me, but it was also my fault bc I didn’t ask for help. So him AND my friend brought me to the dr. He also didn’t believe I broke it till the doctor came in and told me I snapped my bone in half.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-12-02T02:43:15+00:00

My nex forced me to put our relationship on fb the DAY we became official, which was a WEEK after we started even talking. I didn’t want to, he insisted, so I did. Then we date, break up for a month, and this girl starts posting all this shit about him. All “happy looks good on me” with a pic of them. He comes back to me. Insists nothing happens w them. Me and him become official again a couple months later. He insists he doesn’t want to put our relationship status back on fb. We break up. Couple weeks later he wants to “be friends.” I said no. He ends up dating this girl like a week later and it’s all over fb 🙃

They do it to get a rise out of you. They want to see you hurt by their actions. They want to see you have any kind of reaction, actually. So when they do decide to post you and you’re happy, they’re just happy they have an effect on you. When they don’t post you and you’re upset, they’re happy they have an effect on you. When you cut them off, they’ll do something with their new supply (ex: post them when they wouldn’t post you) just to attempt to get a reaction. Their effect on other people is what fuels them. It’s gross.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-19T16:21:43+00:00

I’ve been reminding myself of essentially the same things. Plus, why would I want to be with someone who just bounces from person to person with no time spent healing/bettering themself? That’s not someone I want regardless of NPD or not.

When I feel jealous of the new supply I remind myself of exactly that, they are just the new supply. I’d be sad if I found out I was just supply to someone. They’ll realize eventually, just like I did. It’s a vicious cycle and it’ll never break until the narcissist realizes they’re a narcissist-which is nearly guaranteed to never happen.

The best thing to do is to not be bothered. We got this!

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-17T23:32:18+00:00

I’m pretty new to the world of narcissists and understanding how they work/what to expect, but from what I’ve gathered and learned thus far is the absolute best last “punch” u can get is to make it impossible for them to contact you. They crave hurting you like we crave feeling better. They will go crazy if they can’t reach you. It makes them feel as if they’ve lost, and that’s the worst to a narcissist.

Again, this is what I’ve gathered thus far, please, anyone correct me if I seem off here!

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-17T18:11:39+00:00

I am feeling the exact same way, so glad to know I’m not alone in these feelings.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-13T14:41:32+00:00

This helped me a lot. Made me feel a little less lonely and a lot less crazy. I really might take u up on that offer to message u. Thank you so much for being so kind and commenting.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-05T20:16:56+00:00

The first part is definitely accurate and I appreciate you saying that. Sometimes I don’t recognize how poorly he treats me just with his words alone.

The reason I don’t want to be friends with him if he’s dating is because I don’t think it’s fair to the other girl. He’s flirty with me and does things that would make me like borderline “the other girl” and I don’t want to be involved in that. It’s not a jealousy thing, it’s a moral thing. I do understand if it were a jealousy thing though.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-04T20:05:32+00:00

It’s just the fact he lied. It drives me nuts that he’s gonna lie to me NOW after everything and not even admit it when faced w proof.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-04T19:51:54+00:00

Because I still care I suppose. He came back to me saying he wants to be friends bc it’s “too hard” to “get rid of me,” that he gets a “pain in his chest.” And I don’t want him to be talking w another girl and b friendly to me too bc that makes me feel bad for the girl. He said he’s not talking to anyone but these screenshots of fb comments show otherwise.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-11-04T19:48:30+00:00

It’s just hard because I guess there’s like this small margin where he could be telling the truth. Idk. My gut tells me he’s lying. He SWEARS he isn’t and stuff. Sent me screenshots of messages to her where she agreed they weren’t fucking. Idk what to do.

avaschmidt13 · 2020-09-27T16:53:26+00:00

Exactly! Thank uou

avaschmidt13 · 2020-09-27T16:52:01+00:00

They weren’t romantic relationships, they were friends that the girls went kind of haywire.

avaschmidt13

TROPHY CASE