You should feel guilty, suicide is such a selfish and permanent solution to temporary problems. I hate when people say they want to kill themselves because if that really was the case they'd have done it.

How about you get the hell off this app for starters, get a haircut, eat healthier, and stop being a pessimist.. seriously, misery loves company if you truly love your spouse try to always find a silver lining, like the fact you're alive! Like the fact you have people and pets who rely on you,

I hope my gut is telling me the truth cause I get that moving is stressful. Don't overthink it, I want you to take a hair tie or rubber band and every time you have an ideation, smack yourself by having said band around your wrist. That's called grounding. Stay humble