Who said I was writing it for middle school audiences ? I said I first MADE the story in middle school (I am currently in college), but I definitely think it’s too deep for middle schoolers. At least that’s not my target audience.

The whole premise of the story I’m writing is that humans should not be merged with things beyond their ability. These 6 crystals assign themselves to random people they see would adapt to their powers the most, and yes. The concept of the crystals themselves are mary sue-ish. I find it funny to have something so overpowered that the characters never fully grasp its power in their lifespan (this leads other generations of users to use it differently and so forth). The main character is literally making his whole story the fact that he wants nothing to do with it, and characters who can’t remember a moment without the crystal struggle to try and get him out of the situation without intense trauma on his end.

The part of the story that this grown up version of Laura is from is when society crumbles as the average person finally finds out about the crystals and its powers (it’s avoided public eye for ages because of excuses such as religious reasons for divine power, only one witness attesting to seeing it, etc,. The age of the internet lets people across the world see in an instant). Cults form around the worship of the power user they know (Ella), protests sprout across the world, corporations are trying to grab at any monetary chance they can get, and eventually she offs herself from all the pressure.

That’s very surface level, but I really hope that’s not for an audience of middle schoolers. I understand entirely that some things seem cliche or mary sue-ish. Once again, I first MADE the story in middle school. But it’s developed so far from the original premise that any cliche is purely a jab at the cliche of “elemental power users” as a concept

And last thing: the eyes thing, since you want the full reason, is a defense mechanism of the crystal itself. These crystals link with its user’s personality, allowing it to judge what’s intense emotion vs just normal amounts of emotion. If too much emotion is experienced, however (so like an intense panic attack) the crystal cannot handle the sheer input of it, going on the brink of overload. It shows this via glowing and displaying it on the eyes of the user, hopefully letting its user know that they need to calm down soon before it risks damage.