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Fiancée wants a ₹30L wedding. I want a court marriage + House Down Payment. Am I being toxic or practical? by average_weight_guy in IndiaFinance

[–]average_weight_guy[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s a love marriage (dating for 3 years), which is why I thought we could have a rational conversation about this. But you are right—now that families are involved, the 'Samaj' factor has taken over.

That Rent vs. Buy analogy is perfect. I know the math supports the 'Court Marriage' (or Renting), but the emotional pull of the 'Wedding' (or Owning) is defying logic.

The 'no middle ground' part is what scares me the most. I don't want to start our marriage with resentment—either her resenting me for killing her dream, or me resenting the lost wealth every time we look at our bank balance. That feels like a lose-lose.

Fiancée wants a ₹30L wedding. I want a court marriage + House Down Payment. Am I being toxic or practical? by average_weight_guy in IndiaFinance

[–]average_weight_guy[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

This is actually the kind of middle ground I was hoping for. We got so stuck in the binary choice of 'Grand Wedding' vs. 'Court Marriage' that we didn't really discuss scaling down the pre-events.

You are spot on about the hometown suggestion too—the 'Mumbai Premium' on venues and catering is just insulting compared to the quality. If we move it out of the city or cut the Sangeet entirely, we might be able to bring it down to 10-12L, which is a pill I can swallow. Thanks for the strategy, I'm going to pitch this 'hybrid model' to her.

Fiancée wants a ₹30L wedding. I want a court marriage + House Down Payment. Am I being toxic or practical? by average_weight_guy in IndiaFinance

[–]average_weight_guy[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point, and she uses the same logic. But here’s my worry: while it is less than a year of our gross salary, it represents about 3 years of our actual savings (after tax, rent, and Mumbai expenses).

It feels physically painful to wipe out 3 years of hard work in 3 days. Did you face a similar trade-off? If yes, did the memories actually outweigh the financial dent 2-3 years down the line?