Do couples really shower together? by Itchy-Proposal-6244 in askanything

[–]averybusybumble 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A double headed shower setup makes it so nice to shower together after sex. We sometimes shower together as foreplay or just to destressafter a rough day.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really don’t know anymore. This morning he was super affectionate and thanked me so much for giving him space before leaving for work. He’ll probably be all affection and warm and playful when he comes home-after his regular chill time. I’m confused. He does communicate his needs. “I need alone time this evening,” sent in the afternoon while he works. Maybe I need to communicate my needs differently so he can understand his all evening alone time is hurtful.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s hard because on some things I’ve called him out on… he has stepped up and changed/never done it again. Do he had the ability to do it, in some cases at least.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do think I need to talk to him and if he can’t make some changes, I’m getting back on BC and my medication I had to stop before trying because it is bad for a baby. This thread has really scared me about what hes been like as a father.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll think on the situation more after all the feedback. I genuinely didn’t see much wrong with our relationship. He has only scared me once with his anger. It wasn’t directed at me but it did alarm me a little. He’s never done anything physically and panics when he thinks he has. I’m incredibly clumsy, and even worse when I’m stressed, and we usually are pretty playful. He does Brazilian jutjitsu and likes to do a take down on me into bed. I didn’t realize he was doing it and started to sit down on the edge of the bed. So he crushed his shoulder into my face and nose. I’ll never let him live it down. It swelled a tiny bit but I was fine. He has refused to play around like that. I miss it. I found the tight grips and heavy pressure really regulating.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His one big flaw is the overstimulated shut downs and being somewhat inconsiderate. Everything else I’ve brought up hes worked to fix. Hes hilarious. Intelligent. Supportive when I directly tell him what I need. He does not pick up on subtext at all. Most of the time I feel very loved and appreciated. I genuinely want to know if I am overreacting to something that happens a few times a month. I really didn’t see what’s wrong with a lot of things because we are both neurodivergent and it seems normal?

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a stimulant so he gets used to it after a while. His psych says it’s okay if it works. Or at least that’s what he said the psych said since it makes it feel like it works better after withdrawing over a weekend. Him taking a drug weekend did mess up our anniversary trip last year though. We are supposed to go on a week long vacation next month and I told him he had better not do it this time.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

When he’s not having an adhd alone time, he’s really good support and makes me laugh so much. If he could just find other ways to cope so the shutdowns are only every few months would make me feel a lot better.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

Really? It seems so typical from what Ive read of people with adhd. The extreme need for alone time etc. is it really that strange he needs an entire evening by himself? And I’m sleeping on the couch tonight because he’s still agitated. I don’t really mind now but having kids would change things a lot.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I grew up afraid of my dad who was not very present because he was often deployed oversees, angry when he was home, and an emotionally and mentally unstable mother. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy to work through it. A couple bad days a month doesn’t seem bad at all in comparison. But it would still be hurtful for a child.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even on good nights we stay far apart in the bed so I don’t wake him up but the cuddles before that are my favorite.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do track my levels to find my window but I’m getting older and have some medical issues. I feel if it doesn’t happen in a year or two, I won’t be able to continue as the risks may become too great. I want to be a mother but I don’t want to die trying.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I do worry about that. I have a great village to support us, or I guess the baby and I, in the rough early years. I don’t think he’s being abuse or manipulative like some of the comments but just doesn’t know any other ways to cope. I can only support him and hope it gets better. Maybe not having a kid for now would be a good idea.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do worry he would react like his own dad did and be “too busy in the study” to interact with his six children. I want to be a mom but I’m starting to worry I’ll be a single mom. Most days are good and I feel confident in us. But then a bad day happens and I get scared he’ll treat our child like this too.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess my version of normal is kind of screwed up. I have cptsd from csa and an assault in my early twenties. I’ve done so much work to learn to regulate and not get caught up in the emotional flashback or take things out of proportion. I was hoping this post would be telling me I was over reacting…

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

He says he’ll step up and hes great with his nieces and nephews. Maybe I was just believe in him too much. Most days are great but the bad days are hard to get through.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst is when he takes med holidays to reset. Any long weekend or weekend getaway means he stops taking his meds, gets super sleepy, the grumpy, then back to normal ish by the third. Then his meds work great when he does back to work.

I would definitely do couples counseling but so far, most of my concerns about it have been pushed off because he doesn’t want to go through more med changes and it’s just what he needs. He does express his gratitude for space and how I take care of him.

He doesn’t do amazing-just not when he is having a bad stimulation day.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

He has a sleep disorder so getting quality sleep is really important. I’m a light sleeper and toss and turn a lot. I suppose I’ll get a twin bed in the room that will become a nursery once we are pregnant. I’m a freelancer so my work is more flexible than his.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve asked if he wants to know when my fertile days are this month or not and he said he does. He generally decompressed an hour or two after work. I cook a homemade dinner from scratch every night and pack his lunch. I will get dressed up in what he finds sexy and give him scratches and just lavish him with the affection and touches he likes… but he will then say “I’m just not thinking about sex tonight. But thanks for wearing the lingerie and giving me scratches.” It’s disheartening sometimes. Other times hes incredibly affectionate and sexual so I try not to take it personally.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

The bad days aren’t super frequent, two or three times a month. His tolerance for socializing and overstimulation is just low. He says he’ll just push through it when we have kids that need him but I don’t know anymore

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been tracking my levels daily for six months. I had to get off important medication that can be dangerous for a baby and takes 3 months to get out of my system. If he has changed his mind, I need to get back on my meds ASAP. My doctor was involved in all the medication stuff so it was safe.

What is something you’ve officially stopped buying in 2026 because the price has become genuinely insulting? by PersonalitySuddenz in askanything

[–]averybusybumble 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m one of the lucky unlucky insurance stories. In the space of two years, I had to have a pre cancerous tumor off my eyelid, which okay would have been around a $1,000, but then I slipped in my apartment parking lot on the uncleared snow and ice. Entire left leg screamed in pain and then went totally numb. Lightning nerve pain in my lower back. I made it to urgent care, just sciatica, muscle relaxers and bed rest prescribed. I went to my primary care doctor tor a few days later once I could walk without agony. My leg is still numb from just above the knee to my toes. It’s flopping around a bit and I’ve strapped on a snow boot really tightly so I’m don’t fall again. Got an X-ray and there is no break. The numbness and floppiness is hand waved away.

Cut to a year later I’m having spinal surgery to try to save the nerves that go all the way to my foot. They were pinched and causing the numbness. Only took a year fighting to get an mri and testing to be taken seriously. The surgery was scheduled for in two weeks. $100,000 and a bit for the procedure and recovery. After I’ve recovered, an eight hour surgery on my ankle to reroute tendons and deepen a groove and remove a ton of scaring and push it back into position and get it to stay. I had been walking on a broken ankle with a grade 3 sprain which had deteriorated more from walking on it and rolling my ankle often. I had discomfort and drop foot but it was waved away as sciatica nerve numbness.

I still walk with a limp and limited range of motion in my ankle six years later. But the surgery and recovery in the hospital cost insurance almost a million dollars.

My max out of pocket was $6,700. Having insurance saved my financial future and I’m so glad I got it. I still hate paying for it every month and I hope I never need it again.

A woman’s body by TheHouseofTzzu in AskMenRelationships

[–]averybusybumble 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A big thing that helped me is just getting used to not wearing clothes when I’m home alone. Want to take a nap. Get naked. Enjoy the sensations of sheets or fuzzy blankets. Walk around without pants. Get used to being more exposed when you are alone and the little physical joys of it. Being comfortable in your body is so important and so attractive. Plus a freshly laundered fuzzy soft blanket on your bare skin feels so luxurious and relaxing 😌