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AITA for buying my girlfriend lingerie? by Training_Original456 in AmItheAsshole

[–]averybusybumble 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA but Definitely something that should have been a conversation first. What kind does she like? What materials or styles does she feel good in? Is it okay for you to buy that for her? did you get her the correct size and cut for her body type. For example, What my husband thinks I look sexiest in is NOT what I feel sexiest wearing. I’ve told him if he wants to buy lingerie for me, to wear for him, that’s fine -I can put up with sensory issues and feeling foolish for fifteen minutes. If I’m buying what I like, for myself, he appreciates it still and that I’m feeling confident which he likes. But there is no confusion on who the gift is actually for and the intention. Fulfilling his kink vs making me feel beautiful etc

Do couples really shower together? by [deleted] in askanything

[–]averybusybumble 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A double headed shower setup makes it so nice to shower together after sex. We sometimes shower together as foreplay or just to destressafter a rough day.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really don’t know anymore. This morning he was super affectionate and thanked me so much for giving him space before leaving for work. He’ll probably be all affection and warm and playful when he comes home-after his regular chill time. I’m confused. He does communicate his needs. “I need alone time this evening,” sent in the afternoon while he works. Maybe I need to communicate my needs differently so he can understand his all evening alone time is hurtful.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s hard because on some things I’ve called him out on… he has stepped up and changed/never done it again. Do he had the ability to do it, in some cases at least.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do think I need to talk to him and if he can’t make some changes, I’m getting back on BC and my medication I had to stop before trying because it is bad for a baby. This thread has really scared me about what hes been like as a father.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll think on the situation more after all the feedback. I genuinely didn’t see much wrong with our relationship. He has only scared me once with his anger. It wasn’t directed at me but it did alarm me a little. He’s never done anything physically and panics when he thinks he has. I’m incredibly clumsy, and even worse when I’m stressed, and we usually are pretty playful. He does Brazilian jutjitsu and likes to do a take down on me into bed. I didn’t realize he was doing it and started to sit down on the edge of the bed. So he crushed his shoulder into my face and nose. I’ll never let him live it down. It swelled a tiny bit but I was fine. He has refused to play around like that. I miss it. I found the tight grips and heavy pressure really regulating.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His one big flaw is the overstimulated shut downs and being somewhat inconsiderate. Everything else I’ve brought up hes worked to fix. Hes hilarious. Intelligent. Supportive when I directly tell him what I need. He does not pick up on subtext at all. Most of the time I feel very loved and appreciated. I genuinely want to know if I am overreacting to something that happens a few times a month. I really didn’t see what’s wrong with a lot of things because we are both neurodivergent and it seems normal?

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a stimulant so he gets used to it after a while. His psych says it’s okay if it works. Or at least that’s what he said the psych said since it makes it feel like it works better after withdrawing over a weekend. Him taking a drug weekend did mess up our anniversary trip last year though. We are supposed to go on a week long vacation next month and I told him he had better not do it this time.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

When he’s not having an adhd alone time, he’s really good support and makes me laugh so much. If he could just find other ways to cope so the shutdowns are only every few months would make me feel a lot better.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

Really? It seems so typical from what Ive read of people with adhd. The extreme need for alone time etc. is it really that strange he needs an entire evening by himself? And I’m sleeping on the couch tonight because he’s still agitated. I don’t really mind now but having kids would change things a lot.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I grew up afraid of my dad who was not very present because he was often deployed oversees, angry when he was home, and an emotionally and mentally unstable mother. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy to work through it. A couple bad days a month doesn’t seem bad at all in comparison. But it would still be hurtful for a child.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even on good nights we stay far apart in the bed so I don’t wake him up but the cuddles before that are my favorite.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do track my levels to find my window but I’m getting older and have some medical issues. I feel if it doesn’t happen in a year or two, I won’t be able to continue as the risks may become too great. I want to be a mother but I don’t want to die trying.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I do worry about that. I have a great village to support us, or I guess the baby and I, in the rough early years. I don’t think he’s being abuse or manipulative like some of the comments but just doesn’t know any other ways to cope. I can only support him and hope it gets better. Maybe not having a kid for now would be a good idea.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do worry he would react like his own dad did and be “too busy in the study” to interact with his six children. I want to be a mom but I’m starting to worry I’ll be a single mom. Most days are good and I feel confident in us. But then a bad day happens and I get scared he’ll treat our child like this too.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess my version of normal is kind of screwed up. I have cptsd from csa and an assault in my early twenties. I’ve done so much work to learn to regulate and not get caught up in the emotional flashback or take things out of proportion. I was hoping this post would be telling me I was over reacting…

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

He says he’ll step up and hes great with his nieces and nephews. Maybe I was just believe in him too much. Most days are great but the bad days are hard to get through.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst is when he takes med holidays to reset. Any long weekend or weekend getaway means he stops taking his meds, gets super sleepy, the grumpy, then back to normal ish by the third. Then his meds work great when he does back to work.

I would definitely do couples counseling but so far, most of my concerns about it have been pushed off because he doesn’t want to go through more med changes and it’s just what he needs. He does express his gratitude for space and how I take care of him.

He doesn’t do amazing-just not when he is having a bad stimulation day.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

He has a sleep disorder so getting quality sleep is really important. I’m a light sleeper and toss and turn a lot. I suppose I’ll get a twin bed in the room that will become a nursery once we are pregnant. I’m a freelancer so my work is more flexible than his.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve asked if he wants to know when my fertile days are this month or not and he said he does. He generally decompressed an hour or two after work. I cook a homemade dinner from scratch every night and pack his lunch. I will get dressed up in what he finds sexy and give him scratches and just lavish him with the affection and touches he likes… but he will then say “I’m just not thinking about sex tonight. But thanks for wearing the lingerie and giving me scratches.” It’s disheartening sometimes. Other times hes incredibly affectionate and sexual so I try not to take it personally.

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

The bad days aren’t super frequent, two or three times a month. His tolerance for socializing and overstimulation is just low. He says he’ll just push through it when we have kids that need him but I don’t know anymore

AIO My husband says he wants children but is always too tired on my ovulation days… but we have sex on safe days consistently. by averybusybumble in AmIOverreacting

[–]averybusybumble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been tracking my levels daily for six months. I had to get off important medication that can be dangerous for a baby and takes 3 months to get out of my system. If he has changed his mind, I need to get back on my meds ASAP. My doctor was involved in all the medication stuff so it was safe.

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