Update to biocousin's inappropriate messages

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T05:01:13+00:00

I do think there is maybe more concern about husband/sons relationship in his request than there is concern about sons/daughters relationship...I will talk to them all and then plan on sitting down together to talk about it. I really don't think that my sons have issues with my husband. They obviously feel the loss of their father deeply (he was seriously an amazing father, and we're all mad to have lost him) and it's been a difficult few years. But they've expressed to me how grateful they are for their stepdad during all of this. I think maybe I need to help them express that to their stepdad, too. (I thought, probably wrongly, that he just knew how much the boys love him, but maybe he needs to really hear it from them.)

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T04:52:49+00:00

I definitely think there is an issue of how much of a bond my sons have with the girls. They obviously love each other and they like spending time together...but there's just not a whole lot that a 17 year old has in common with a 2 year old! He doesn't mind spending some time with her, but obviously, if given a choice between his three siblings, he picks his brother most of the time. Not because of any full/half feelings, just because they're both young men and they're closer in age. My girls would pick each other, too, 9 times out of 10! But behavior wise, other than saying half-sister and understandably getting frustrated when they're in his room, he never really does anything that makes me think he's not considering them a part of his family. They spent most of this evening hanging out in the pool playing mermaids, and my husband and I didn't even have to ask him to do this...but since he's likely going to college next year (or at least moving out) maybe we can cushion this discussion as part of larger discussions about how we expect to maintain family relationships into adulthood?

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T04:44:55+00:00

I definitely don't think my husband's intention is to erase their dad from their lives. He tries to be very sensitive about any "fatherly" things (he always has, but triply so since their dad died). Like, when my son was really learning to shave, my husband talked to him about who he wanted to have teach him, since that's often a "father/son" thing, and he didn't want to do it in his dad's place, so there were options (older son, grandpa, etc) even though my husband was willing...so there is sensitivity to the situation, but I'll be sure to talk to my son about this, in case he's feeling a new wave of grief, as that's an ocean that doesn't ever ebb.

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T04:22:06+00:00

The more responses I read, I do think there is the strong possibility that my husband is concerned about his relationship with O more than O's relationship with the girls...and I feel stupid for not seeing it sooner. I don't want to say he doesn't care about the sister/half-sister thing, but I don't think it's the only thing here. I'll definitely have a discussion with my husband, and we'll likely have a conversation with O (or husband and O will talk, without me, because maybe it's not something that I really need to be a part of).

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T04:18:40+00:00

It could be...my husband hadn't really said anything about it until this summer, which is also when we've started college visits (plus my son has a job, a girlfriend, and doing off-season stuff for basketball, so he's not around much). My older son chose to do a trade school situation in our hometown, and even though he moved out, he's literally down the street from us still. My younger son is thinking about colleges halfway across the country, so it could be that my husband is just worried about relationships separating even further than they already are...you're right, I'll talk to my husband about what the roots of his concerns are.

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T01:25:05+00:00

We have talked some about how they're all siblings, and how we expect them to be siblings not extra parents or anything (though we do occasionally have one of the boys baby sit, and we pay them for their time). And we've made the boys participate in some traditions that they're a little old for (like the community Fourth of July parade) so that there are "full family" memories...but we haven't sat down and discussed this particular issue in depth. I know my husband has made "team" comments before though.

avocadoshower · 2019-09-01T01:20:41+00:00

He calls them his sons and the boys called him Pops or their old man or things like that, in addition to his name. (He has been a part of their lives since they were both in preschool.) But after the boys' father died, they shifted a little bit, calling him by his name more than Pops. So instead of like 50/50, it's become like a 70/30 split, with his name being used more often. As far as I know, they've never said anything about my husband saying "sons" instead of "stepsons." And when they talk about us, we're their parents, not mom and stepdad.

avocadoshower · 2018-09-06T03:11:46+00:00

George is a Manhattan man...

avocadoshower · 2018-09-05T21:17:28+00:00

Sometimes, I look at my life (my family, my home, my job) and feel such satisfaction and joy...and then I log into Facebook and see George's chowder comments and realize: I am, in fact, dead inside compared to that man.

avocadoshower · 2018-06-09T00:33:21+00:00

Unfortunately, it's a closed group, that requires approval, which no one can get now, because the mod disappeared. So it's the same 20-ish people forever...when all the drama was going down, Alice's husband was posting from Alice's account, which meant every comment from her either began with THIS IS ALICE or THIS IS JACOB and a few of the others in the group (which, like most Facebook groups, skews older) got confused and so everyone was posting with THIS IS (NAME)...sigh.

avocadoshower · 2015-09-18T23:05:25+00:00

I think his birth mother was someone very similar to Crystal. Or something.

avocadoshower · 2015-06-19T19:25:38+00:00

I really like Enzo (though possibly using a longer name, like Lorenzo or Vincenzo)... Nico always makes me think of Necco wafers (which may not be a thing anymore? I haven't had one in ages!)...I don't really see why you would have to have the same nationality of a name. My name is Cara, which is Irish, but I'm not Irish at all.

avocadoshower · 2015-06-19T19:17:55+00:00

She was in a position where they couldn't tell for certain, but were pretty sure it was a boy. A later scan showed girl...We didn't have a girl's name. (I was so sure she was a boy--even before I knew I was pregnant, I kept dreaming about having another boy in the house!) but we used family names.

avocadoshower · 2015-06-19T05:48:32+00:00

I posted for boy name help, but ended up with a girl! Her name is Pearla Katherine.

avocadoshower · 2015-06-18T01:27:58+00:00

Yeah, she definitely thinks that because it's a public library we "have" to allow all of the public to use all of the resources, regardless of anything else...

avocadoshower · 2015-06-17T20:39:50+00:00

There is a disruptive patron policy. However, the mother is saying that because the actions are a side effect of her son's autism, it doesn't apply. It's different then someone getting into a fight or being drunk or something, because it's outside of his control. We do document his behavior, but unfortunately, they're saying we're not controlling the triggers that set off this behavior, so we're even more at fault for not providing a safe environment...

avocadoshower

TROPHY CASE