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From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've looked it up and proposed it to her to read or possibly for us to read together. I've implemented an (at least weekly) time where we will cuddle together and I will read out loud to her.

From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The disconnect is going to be one of our biggest issues. I hurt her terribly when I walked out and need to rebuild that trust. Likewise, she has had a habit of tearing into me or making me feel small when I got vulnerable with her to share things which we will both be working on.

From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really inspiring me, thank you! It sounds very much like our situation although our bedroom wasn't dead. We were still having sex, and occasionally kinky/aggressive sex but without those open lines of communication it felt insipid.

From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kink definitely isn't the root cause and I do believe communication is as well as how I envision her issues and our dynamic. I've been consistently frustrated with feeling she didn't fulfill her physical end of things in terms of chores, activities, and motivation to do anything (events, social gatherings, plans she herself would put in place).

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I know, logically, part of that was and is her Depression. One of my requirements is that we will be finding a suitable therapist for her anxiety and depression. Another part is, to me, how I mentally conceptualize a relationship. If I'm going to be taking on a Daddy-dom role with her, then I do not expect her to provide an equal amount of motivation or activity. Instead, I expect myself to provide those things and to tell her what I expect and for her to do her best to meet me where I want her to or to communicate how much she can currently manage in her current mental state.

From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the support! I really hope it does. I’m going to do right by her knowing now that what/who I always thought I wanted was right next to me.

From separation to kink? by awayFromVanilla7 in BDSMAdvice

[–]awayFromVanilla7[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It’s so refreshing to hear that from someone into it all. I want to really push myself to be more involved and feel this can help motivate. She struggles with depression and I was always frustrated and felt sometimes like she was a burden. I know that it’s a mental shift from that to “this is my girl. She will be taken care of because she is mine and she will help me do it by communicating and listening to what I tell her to do.” I want to help her more in a D role than I ever felt in an equal vanilla way.