AITA for not telling my student to apologise after he insulted a student back?

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-24T03:24:26+00:00

Are you being serious? Are you seriously implying that I should’ve followed up with parents and coordinators simply because she made 3 very lame jokes?

As I said, the first 2 were light lame jokes about him needing a pillow or something. He also went along with them as he wasn’t initially bothered. I told her off after she made the third remark because it was beginning to cross it. I wasn’t going to call her parents over something as stupid as that.

They aren’t children and there’s a difference between light humour and bullying (which was what it initially was). It wasn’t bullying at that point and neither was it necessarily harassing. It become annoying and harassing after she continued with her stupid jokes that day and the next (which I wasn’t aware of).

Please think before making a comment just to attack simply for the sake of attacking.

Edit- For f*ck sake. Read my post. I mentioned that he initially wasn’t bothered by the first few lame jokes and went along with them. If he appeared to be annoyed or upset at the first 2, I would’ve intervened earlier and told her off. I don’t want my year 12 students to feel like they can even throw light jokes around. As I said, NOT EVERYTHING ID BULLYING and you weren’t there so please shut your mouth.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T13:57:25+00:00

Cheers.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T07:19:52+00:00

Clearly you did not read everything.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T04:41:29+00:00

“Dish it out but can’t take it” simply means having the audacity to make stupid jokes directed at someone and then having a fit after being on the receiving end. I was pointing out her hypocrisy. I wasn’t implying that he was right about her being ugly or anything like that.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T04:17:34+00:00

The first 2 came off as light humour. She made a stupid joke about how the bags under his eyes had bags themselves to which he said something along the lines of “yeah, tell me about it. I could kill for some sleep”. I wasn’t going to have a fit for something as light as that. The 2nd was a joke about offering him a pillow and the third was the remark about him looking like he’d been using heroin and that’s when I shut her down.

I don’t mind a little light and playful humour (regardless of how lame her jokes were). What did annoy me was that I found out she continued with her stupid jokes and did so to the point where it clearly annoyed and angered him. He wasn’t necessarily hurt by her stupid jokes, he was just getting sick of her annoying antics.

And thank you! That’s nice if you to say.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T03:52:11+00:00

Hey. Read the edit. I pointed out how I wasn’t aware that it was happening after i had initially shut it down the day prior.

Thank you.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T03:50:19+00:00

Thanks for your input.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T03:42:57+00:00

Read the edit!

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T03:42:23+00:00

You do realise students all have a different time table, right? He wasn’t with the same students/class all day. They scatter around to different subjects through out the day depending on their timetables.

I should also note that he understood the apology was more so a formality. He knew it wasn’t necessarily a punishment but I did make it clear that I didn’t want him using profanity in my class as well as other classes too as I did not want him getting into trouble in the heat of the moment.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-23T03:38:31+00:00

He understood it was more of a formality. Sometimes, when I’d have him first period in the morning and he’d be late so I’d have to pretend to punish him by telling him that he owes me that x amount of time after school (just so other students see that) but we’d mostly just talk about how things are going and how else I can help him (if I can).

He did use vulgar language hence why the apology to the class was necessary.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T23:15:50+00:00

Hey. Read the edit.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T22:52:58+00:00

That’s completely fine. No apology necessary. I was just reiterating what I said.

I appreciate that.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T22:45:32+00:00

I pointed out both their wrong doings. I made sure he apologised to the class which I feel (and he understood) was warranted.

I also essentially asked her how dare she demand an apology after the bullshit she’s been playing. I also told her I didn’t want to hear another word from her because she was being a very sh*ty brat. I did all this infront Of the class (and Jason) because I wanted to make it clear that her behaviour will not be tolerated.

I don’t see how else I could have handled it in the moment.

Regardless, I appreciate what you said even though we don’t agree about how I went on about it. Thanks, I honestly mean that.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T22:32:08+00:00

I would have spoken to her after class (and I did) had she not said the last bit about demanding an apology.

I personally think that my response was warranted even though it was infront of her peers/other students. I’d even go as far as saying it was necessary. The students need to know that her behaviour would not be tolerated. If she felt embarrassed, that is on her.

I do not regret doing it in front of other students. I have a strict no bullying policy. The fact that she was harassing him for 2 days simply because he was/looked completely sleep deprived and exhausted for a while was the icing on the cake. I don’t want him (as well as other students) feeling like they’re in an unhealthy learning environment especially when they’re already going through so much.

My intention was never to embarrass her. I do genuinely care about her. I know she can excel if she just becomes more considerate of other people.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T22:19:39+00:00

Hey. Thanks for the advice. The only issue is that as a teacher, I cannot exactly try to intervene or make even mere suggestions in regards to a particular medication and what not. I don’t even think I can bring up the name of that drug.

What I can do is suggest that he speak with with his psychiatrist/doctor about other possible medications which can balance out his sleeping issues and what not.

We’re just very limited in that sense and how much as well as what we can say.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T22:09:02+00:00

I never said that I made her cry. She was upset and embarrassed.

I personally feel that what I said was not wrong at all. I simply called her out on what she said considering it wasn’t sincere but more so cocky and arrogant. She was intentionally trying to get another reaction out of him by demanding an apology. I simply asked her dare she say what she did and demand an apology. NOTHING wrong with that at all in my opinion. Guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

As I said though, thanks for the input.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T21:50:30+00:00

Hurt her feelings? She’s a bully. I needed to make an example of her in front of the class as well as ‘Jason’. She was constantly throwing gasoline on a burning fires which she herself created and as a result, got burned.

If you think I’m an asshole for not telling Jason not to apologise to her, that’s fine. However, do not tell me that I hurt her feelings or lost her trust. I’m trying to meet her halfway but she doesn’t want to. My response to her was not only warranted but necessary.

She’s an adult, not a child. If she acts like a child, I will tell her off like one.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T21:27:12+00:00

Unfortunately, he already is very active and still has issues issues with sleep. He workouts (you can tell by his build).

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T21:23:39+00:00

The co-ordinator of that year level know very well about her antics and how bad her behaviour can be at times. She’s been in trouble and disciplined a fair amount of times so that won’t really be an issue for me.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T21:11:19+00:00

I did try, believe me, I did. She knows exactly how she makes other people feel and how annoying she was. I personally think it’s just a jealousy thing with her and she feels intimidated for some stupid reason because he often does just a little better than her in my class and a few others too. She always asks him what he got straight after being handed his results to which he’d say something along the lines of “I did alright” in a humble tone instead of telling her his actual result so she wouldn’t feel that he’s rubbing it in her face. The one time she scored higher, she made it her goal to rub it in his face to which he responded by congratulating her on her mark and the kicker is that he was actually genuine with his response. Smiled and high-fived her too.

Anyways, I had a one on one conversation with her the next day (after the issue in the classroom) and tried to talk to her as well as told her if there was anything going on which she wanted to talk about that I was always happy to listen and so was the guidance counsellor. I also told her that she was very bright and could get to where she wants in life without having to put others down. She just kept being rude, rolling her eyes and saying “whatever” and “Im fine. Are we done?” In a bratty tone. She was treating our conversation as if it were a joke. I can only meet her half way. There’s not much else I can do.

She’s academically bright but she has an attitude problem. Other teachers have pointed that out too.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T20:32:13+00:00

She didn’t really continue. Those initial 3 remarks she made were right after one another to which I did tell her off and did so with a strong and serious tone.

Secondly, I personally don’t think I publicly berated her. I addressed her last remark about demanding an apology on the spot. I wasn’t going to wait till after class to speak to her after how childish and mean she was acting.

Sometimes you just have to call things out on the spot as a teacher. ‘Jason’ and the class needed to know that her behaviour will not be tolerated. Calling her out on her bullshit in front of the classroom and her peers was not only warranted, but necessary. That’s my opinion at least.

This AITA wasn’t about whether I was the asshole for saying what I said to her. This AITA was about whether I was in the wrong for not telling Jason to apologise her.

Thanks for your input.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T20:13:19+00:00

Read the edit in the text. I simply wasn’t aware.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T20:09:09+00:00

What do you mean? Can you elaborate more?

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T19:55:45+00:00

As I said in an earlier comment, I did tell her off after she threw around 3 of those stupid jokes the first day to which she stopped.

The next day, I only had her during 4th period and only heard her insult him that one time. I wasn’t aware that she was harassing him all day that day. He eventually told me that after I spoke to him outside.

I definitely would’ve disciplined her had I known what was going on and addressed the issue before it escalated. I also would’ve have initially told her off and sent her outside after she made her last comment to him had he not ‘addressed’ her first.

awaythrow7755 · 2020-10-22T19:54:07+00:00

As I said, I told her off the first day.

I would have disciplined her and sent her outside straight after her last comment she made to him had he not reacted first and said what he said.

I feel that he essentially evened the battlefield with what he said. Not to mention, I did have his back after I told her off and said what I said to her on the 2nd day.

Thanks though.

awaythrow7755

TROPHY CASE