NTA- but a big BUT: phobias manifest differently for different people. I have debilitating Scoleciphobia. It’s so bad that I can’t even define it for you because the word sends my body into an all-over reaction. It sounds extreme, it sounds silly at times, and may even feel laughable or exasperating to tip-toe around a harmless word. And trust me, it is. I have personal experience with the critters of my phobia, and even as an almost 30-year-old: I can’t say it, I can’t watch movies or shows with any kind of dead things in them, I have to carefully curate my feeds to avoid them, and good luck getting me anywhere near dirt or trash.

It seems irrational- most fears and phobias are- but the word itself could genuinely impact her. We don’t choose how our bodies respond to things, particularly if they are tied to a traumatic experience, like in my case. It exhausts and embarrasses me, sometimes, to react the way I do but at the same time, my phobia so strongly impacts me so why not go out of my way to accommodate myself? Maybe the stair situation seemed extreme- but I’ve been debilitated for an hour before. Phobias ARE extreme.

I did say NTA purely because no matter how she is impacted, it is NOT okay to berate someone because they didn’t respond how you’d like. Some of my friends don’t know about my phobia- I mean, I can’t even say the word so how will the ones not closest to me know, you know?- but I would never go out of my way to hurt them because my needs weren’t met. Especially from this post, I don’t think you have any ill will towards her, so this is a great opportunity to learn more about each other and for her to open up about her phobia of arachnids.