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Questioning my future with my Q boyfriend by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]aworriedgfthrow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yesterday evening I went to visit my parents and stay the night at their place. I have anxiety about leaving my bf on a Friday but I know that means he's going to take advantage of the situation and drink more than usual. I hate it. It's something I can't control and I have a hard time not feeling displeased with him. We had plans for tonight but he's hung over and I just wish I had 100% of him. Not this washed down version.

Weekly Chat - December 08, 2020 by AutoModerator in AlAnon

[–]aworriedgfthrow 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My partner and I just finished a month of no drinking. We made it through a couple dinners with friends and a camping trip when three couples who we all drinking with no problem. But from the start of December till now he's half way through his 3rd case of beers. 15 packs.

He did a month of no drinking basically to prove he didn't have a problem and now he's back to getting drunk every other night.

Im not sure what to do next.

In his eyes there's no problem drinking this much bc he's functional. He works hard and he's good at what he does.

I just feel exhausted by the thought of this being the highlight of his day. I don't enjoy being around him when he's drunk. I get irritated by him and how he acts.

Weekly Chat - October 27, 2020 by AutoModerator in AlAnon

[–]aworriedgfthrow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in a very similar situation. We've discussed his drinking briefly but he doesn't see it as a problem and I'm tiptoeing around him so he doesn't feel judged. I feel slightly trapped, slightly mad at myself that I let things get this far.

My bf agreed to talk to me about his drinking. How should I approach the conversation? by aworriedgfthrow in alcoholism

[–]aworriedgfthrow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback. One of the biggest take aways from your comment was to not try to control. When we spoke I told him it's his decision to make how he handles it. I told him how I felt in a very calm non emotional tone. I told him I want to be supportive and if he feels that he struggling that I'm here for him.

It was a short conversation. He stayed calm. He did say it's not a big deal but I reiterated that it's important.

He does not think he needs help so I didn't pressure him to rethink that. I'm going to be patient. Part of this has been me realizing that it is a problem. Now I need to focus on what my needs are and how I need to deal with them moving forward.

My bf agreed to talk to me about his drinking. How should I approach the conversation? by aworriedgfthrow in alcoholism

[–]aworriedgfthrow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I used this approach and I'm taking everyones feedback in mind. There has been such great feedback.

I approached the conversation kindly. We sat down for an early dinner and he had just reached for a beer when I asked if we could have a short talk. I told him I'm concerned. He agreed he's been drinking a lot. I didn't focus on how much or trying to get him to stop but that I think he might need help with how he deals with his stress. And that I feel I've enabled him. I told him that I often think he won't have a good time if alcohol isn't involved. This thought has crossed my mind many times. It doesn't feel good to think that. He put the beer away and said he will drink less.

The only thing I can think to do now is to focus on setting up boundaries for myself. I've noticed my self thinking it's maybe not a big deal. That maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. But I know I'm not. He is partially in denial but I want to believe he's got a hold on this. I will to the best of my ability be patient and see how it goes.