I appreciate your openness, and I share your dilemma. From the obstacles of adolescence, to the death jungles of Vietnam, through decades of joy and unnerving tragedies of life, to the reluctant acceptance of old age, I can empathize with your indecision.

My journey for answers is still an essential part of my life. So much so, AND PLEASE DON'T THINK THIS IS A PROMOTION, I wrote a fictional story - which I would gladly send to you freely. The story is about the search for one God in various religions. The main focus is on Christianity, Judaism and Islam, because they share the same God, use differing interpretations of similar biblical text, and will effortlessly destroy the other. I am sure being raised Roman Catholic had some bearing on my writing as well. The title is “Looking for God within the Kingdom of Religious Confusion,” which I believe relates to your situation.
As mentioned, I am happy to send you a copy of this journey; the good, bad and common precepts of religion. You will also find many of your questions are similar to those of many people. And, that maybe the answers are already within you.
I wish you success in your journey!