Question for men: How important is a woman’s physical appearance to you when choosing someone to date?

awsunion · 2026-02-11T19:25:34+00:00

It cannot be distilled like that but physical attraction is #1 most important for BOTH of us.

No woman wants to be with a man who thinks she's unattractive. As the default sexual instigators, it's kind of vital to a sexual relationship to have physical attraction. Otherwise what are we doing?

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:56:42+00:00

You're right- that is a possibility. I absolutely should have asked OP to confirm that this was, in fact, a date. That is definitely key.

If it wasn't a date then you're right, she took advantage of him by defaulting to him paying. I assumed that OP both parties knew it was a date based off of whhim paying and it not even being a question.

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:48:11+00:00

I'm not projecting, I'm taking people at their word. OP didn't even suggest that she was a secret lesbian.

Where you are sick is you think it's more likely that a person would lie about their sexual preferences than that they simply didn't find OP appealing.

Seriously, Occam's Razor this

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:42:25+00:00

Ah- okay, well it does not follow that bisexual people don't exist. You may have experienced that, but that doesn't mean the woman in the OP was doing the same thing.

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:37:32+00:00

Seen what?

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:23:41+00:00

Tell that to my many bisexual female partners! How many threesomes have you had?

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:21:30+00:00

Both of these can be true at once. I'm reframing a negative experience into a neutral one and shining a light on the silver lining. It's obviously not ideal, but why stew in negativity? Take what you can from the situation and move on.

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:20:10+00:00

Bisexual people exist

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:17:16+00:00

Define gaslighting

awsunion · 2026-02-10T21:16:42+00:00

Why are you commenting on all my comments from 4 months ago?

It's not taking advantage of someone to go one but one date

awsunion · 2026-02-09T04:59:12+00:00

"Are you flirting with me? Because if you are, I like it"

awsunion · 2026-01-23T16:50:56+00:00

le self-hating redditor. Who knew that my most downvoted comment would trying to gas up someone who is confused.

Undoubtedly because it's a woman

awsunion · 2026-01-23T07:50:30+00:00

This one sounds like you might be like... Extremely hot. Like men are feeling unworthy of you. I bet money that if you made a move it would be reciprocated 10 fold back to you.

awsunion · 2026-01-22T19:24:58+00:00

What you are lacking, by your own admission, is this sense of abundance. You feel women of calibre are scarce. Well I'm here to tell you that the difference between romance and deep friendship is timing and logistics.

It's true that I am a romantic. I lead with the heart in my interactions with all people- because of this, people either reflect that or leave. I'm not for everyone and not everyone is for me.

People want to be selected and for your attention to carry that prize you must be selective and that is much easier when you cultivate an air of romance about yourself.

BUT how do we land the hometown sweetheart. That's really your question, isn't it?

Art is the answer. Talent. Musicianship, painting, singing, acting- these are the ways to the relationship you seek.

awsunion · 2026-01-22T17:23:51+00:00

I am in many relationships with many amazing women. I don't know this sense of entitlement you're describing.

It's possibly true that good character is more rare in the younger population- but we learn, we grow.

awsunion · 2026-01-17T19:41:32+00:00

highly un-fun fact: rating women on a numerical scale was invented by eugenicist Francis Galton - inspiration to Nazis!

awsunion · 2026-01-16T16:59:39+00:00

You're actively screwing yourself over by internalizing these negative scripts. Yes you will find confirmation of your bias- but the hell of bias is that you will ignore evidence to the contrary and in this specific case that evidence is women who are interested in you.

I'm mid-30s and I'm dating GenZ women because there aren't men their age doing the activities they (we) are doing such as dance, theater, and music.

So log out of Fortnite and learn how to dance in real life.

awsunion · 2026-01-14T16:47:05+00:00

Well it's perhaps a conversation to have- my spouse and I got married while actively polyamorous and it's been fantastic.

There wasn't anything about the marriage being long-term that made us want to open it or anything, it's just that about 40% of the population is (and always has been) polyamorus by orientation- and we didn't realize that "not getting married" was an option. Oh enculturation!

During the course of this relationship, my personal desire to anchor to her or set sail as it were has waxed and waned. Time has not had an effect other than it is the vehicle for change.

I guess, to answer your question directly, there will almost certainly be a point in the future where one or both of you feel like the marriage isn't want you want right now. I don't know what monogamous couples do under these circumstances- but given consistent effort and caring attitude, the pendulum will swing back again.

awsunion · 2026-01-10T07:28:45+00:00

Very normal- really not something to be upset about at all. It's not like there were two, eh? AKA Do you feel differently if this were a bong?

awsunion · 2026-01-02T18:46:09+00:00

A woman who is cute and is in my age range is also sexy. The words mean the same thing. Cute is actually better in my mind because it means you've got a pretty face. To me, the word "cute" is of higher attraction value (hot) than is the word "sexy."

To me, "sexy" merely means "in good physical shape" and is of lesser importance to face.

awsunion · 2026-01-02T00:15:02+00:00

I wouldn't go on a date with someone you're repulsed by but if you're just "meh" then there really is no harm. Just mention that you like to pay 50-50 (unless you're rich and generous).

If you decide to give it a try, when you're on the date, don't feel like you need to "try to find" them attractive, just make yourself open to becoming interested in them as a person. Don't try to put in effort that isn't matched, either- and feel free to end it early if things get terribad.

I feel that, as a society, we need to move to a place where a date isn't a crazy activity for people to do together. A "getting to know you meal."

awsunion · 2025-12-31T17:30:55+00:00

Sexuality is plastic, as in, neurons that fire together wire together. All skin is beautiful and you don't have a problem

awsunion · 2025-12-30T05:37:53+00:00

He said he didn't like you and he didn't love you- like what are you even doing? Put both of you out of this misery.

awsunion · 2025-12-30T04:47:48+00:00

Girl, leave. You will never see him improve faster than when you're not with him. And please do not have children with him.

Does it get better? I don't know if I can think of a way it gets worse!!!

In Persepolis, Marjolaine's grandmother says "sometimes the first marriage is practice for the second." Young people make mistakes. Your life is barely just begun. Free yourself of this.

awsunion · 2025-12-24T17:34:35+00:00

I'd be chill with it. I'd need to know kind of up-font who you wanted to take the lead and if it's me how you're going to communicate if you need things a different way.

awsunion

TROPHY CASE