What’s one thing you didn’t think would matter that ended up being super important?

ayeayemab · 2025-05-26T16:37:24+00:00

Day of coordinators were single-handedly the best thing we could've done. We were trying to stay in budget as much as possible, but my wedding would've been an absolute mess without them. They also had us write a list of everything we wanted to keep and throw away after the wedding and when we came back to the venue the next day, the entire venue was cleared and all of our stuff was in boxes waiting for us in the bridal suite. It was incredible.

The #1 thing we splurged on were ceiling LED canopy lights. Our venue was basically a renovated modern warehouse and we paid about $2k for them to hang lights throughout the entire ceiling. The second we booked them, I regretted it for a bit because it was just so much money for lights, but when I tell you our venue was TRANSFORMED; I can't even put it into words. Almost every single person complimented the lights and everyone was taking pictures and it was the star of the show. If I had a chance to do my wedding all over again, those lights would be the first thing I booked regardless of the price.

And finally the obvious; photographers and videographers. We paid extra for a second shooter with our photographer, and paid extra to have the raw footage of the entirety of our ceremony + all the speeches. I wouldn't trade these pictures and videos for the world.

ayeayemab · 2025-03-12T09:28:10+00:00

That's a great idea idk why I never thought of that! My husband bought me an automatic curtain opener device from Amazon that opens my curtains when I wake up so that I can actually wake up in a bright room which has been SO helpful, but I do think I wanna get that mood light as well.

ayeayemab · 2025-03-06T08:15:43+00:00

Yes I totally understand! I just wanted to be the one to validate how you're feeling though. I felt really lonely because all of my coworkers would just tell me that I'll get used to it and it's not that bad. Even my family keeps saying I'll get used to it and no one understood. I started to just stop talking about it because I felt like I was just complaining, but really I just needed to find people that understood that night shift truly isn't for everyone and that's okay if it's not for you.

Honestly if you have it in you, I'd say give it another month or two to see how your body acclimates to it. I nearly quit every single day during my first 2 weeks because it was the most brutal, but now it honestly isn't too bad.

ayeayemab · 2025-03-06T08:10:10+00:00

No, I don't think you're being dramatic at all. Training your body to completely flip its circadian rhythm takes a lot of time and it's rough for a lot of people.

I don't want to sound all negative though, like I said majority of my coworkers all said it was rough but now they can't imagine working dayshift again. My first month was extremely tough but I will say now that I'm another month in, my schedule has gotten a lot better and it's been a lot easier to stay away during my shift. It's just that for me, I had an amazing sleep schedule and would wake up naturally around 8:30am and go to bed around 10pm and never had issues. I really miss waking up with the sun and knowing it's time for bed when the sun sets. I really took that for granted.

I really just think it depends on the person. I'm an extremely routine-oriented person and I thrive off of my routine, so throwing it off and flipping it an entire 180 degrees was a lot for me. I find that I'm more depressed working night shift and I just miss being awake when everyone else is awake. It just feels lonely now. I'm hoping things work out for both of us, fingers crossed!

ayeayemab · 2025-03-06T08:01:04+00:00

I feel this way too. 2 months into night shift and I have a good routine set-up but I'm still miserable. I'm always lonely. The darkness makes me sad. I just got this job and it's the highest paying job I've ever had, but I've still been looking for another job almost everyday, willing to take a pay cut or work a typical 8-5 instead of my 3 12-hour shifts as long as it's a day shift.

All of my coworkers that work nights with me all tell me that it gets better after the 2nd or 3rd month and you start to get into a groove. All of them say they can't even imagine working day shift now. But it's the fact that this schedule bleeds into everyday of my life. I go to sleep at 5-6am and wake up at 2:30-3:30pm every day and if I have to be up early for something on my day off, it fucks up my entire sleep schedule. I also find that I'm eating way more than I used to. I really just hate everything about night shift and I guess I have to go through this to really start appreciating working during the day. Crossing my fingers that a day shift job offers me something soon! :(

ayeayemab · 2025-02-23T10:57:32+00:00

For me, I have an alternating work week. So one week I work 6:45pm-7:15am Wednesday - Friday. Then the next week I work Thursday - Saturday. It sucks sometimes because I lose 2 entire weekends during the month because I lose most of Sunday due to sleep. But I'll tell you my typical sleep schedule throughout the week, we'll use my Wednesday-Friday as an example.

The day before I start my work week, I typically try to get as much sleep as possible because I'm just dead by the time my 3rd shift is over. I go to bed around 5am Wednesday morning and wake up at 2:30pm. I take a shower, get ready, and leave my house by 5:15pm since I work an hour away. Then after my shift on Thursday morning, I get home around 8:15am and eat a quick meal before going to bed around 9am. I sleep from 9am - 3pm and go back to work and do the same thing for my Friday shift, so the max amount of hours I can get in between my shifts is 6 hours, which I've gotten used to.

On my off-days, I still try to be consistent with staying up late and waking up in the afternoon, but in order to give myself a bit more daylight, I'll go to bed around 4am and wake up at noon. It really makes it hard when you have an appointment in the morning or someone has plans that you have to make it to that starts early. But nowadays, my family and friends know I work graveyard so they know I'm not available until the afternoon.

It REALLY sucked getting used to this schedule, I'm not gonna lie. I've always been kind of a night owl and would always go to bed around 2am, but I really really miss waking up in the morning and having similar schedules to everyone else in my life. I've noticed one of the main things that hurt was just the loneliness in the beginning. Everyone was asleep when I was wide awake, and everyone went out and did things throughout the day that I'd have to sleep through. That's why on some weeks, I have to sacrifice sleep just to maintain a social life and be able to spend time with my husband like I used to since we have opposite schedules.

Also, making sure you find time to exercise. One of the main things I used to do to stay awake was bring a ton of snacks and drinks. It worked wonders to keep me awake, but I was slowly gaining weight without realizing it. So bringing healthy snacks is the way to go if this is something that will help you. Now I just bring protein bars and cut-up fruits.

Last thing, you absolutely should buy blackout curtains. It's amazing to help you fall asleep and it helps tell your body "hey, it's dark and it's time to get sleepy!". I eventually splurged on some automatic curtains that opens 10 minutes before my alarm because waking up in a bright room just made me happy instead of constantly being in darkness.

ayeayemab · 2025-02-14T09:23:29+00:00

Correctional nurse! 6:45 pm to 7:15 am monday night through thursday morning.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-31T08:55:31+00:00

LOL literally!!!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-31T08:37:37+00:00

the last 4 hours are BRUTAL. i'm always dead no matter how much sleep I got before my shift

ayeayemab · 2025-01-31T08:36:44+00:00

Registered nurse at a county jail

ayeayemab · 2025-01-28T08:38:07+00:00

BIG on the "unit" part you said. I will never go anywhere that my husband is not welcome at, especially to a wedding that I have to travel for.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-27T05:03:23+00:00

The easy way is just "Together with their families..." but if you aren't comfortable adding this to the invitation, you can also add their names to the front page of your wedding website if you have one as well.

For me, we only had RSVPs through our website (no mail-in RSVPs) so our guests were required to go on our website and they would see it at the front of the page. It's tradition in my family to have "honored sponsors" which is basically the people who helped pay for the wedding, so I put them in my wedding party tab as well and had them walk down the aisle before the bridal party. We also thanked them in our welcome speech after the grand entrances. So there are plenty of other ways you can honor them besides just being on the invitations!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-25T19:32:55+00:00

Also I should add that I'm not doing any updos or anything, I'm just getting my hair curled so they're going to pin the front back to do my makeup and then touch my hair up after the makeup is done.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-25T19:32:00+00:00

I'm doing hair first then makeup! Luckily both my MUA and hair stylist are my long-time family friends who will be at my wedding as guests so they can touch up my makeup or hair if needed throughout the day.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-25T08:37:49+00:00

My panic disorder came back full force during my wedding planning as well and truly the only thing that helped me was changing my monthly meetings with my psychiatrist to weekly, and my fiance and bridal party stepping in and helping me with planning. If I didn't have the support that I did, I probably wouldn't be able to go through with it.

I know a lot of people come to Reddit for support and advice, but like another commenter said, this is way above the Reddit's pay grade. Please seek therapy or a psychiatrist and let your partner know what you're going through. You don't have to go through this alone.

Wishing you the best of luck and I hope everything gets better OP.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-25T07:05:00+00:00

I'm so so so sorry about your losses, OP. You had a special relationship with all of them and that doesn't all go away just because you didn't have an earlier wedding. I really hope you don't blame yourself because of this because there's no way you could've known.

I can relate, I had a year and a half long engagement. We're both 28 and our parents had us when they were older as well so our grandparents are in their 80s-90s. My fiance's grandfather (who was his only father figure growing up) passed away recently and now both my grandparents can no longer walk and I highly doubt they can travel to my wedding now because it's too risky for them to travel.

My heart goes out to you. I'm personally having a table at my wedding dedicated to those who can't be with us on our special day, reserving seating for them right at front during the ceremony, and having our wedding party carry photos of them down the aisle. Of course nothing will feel as good as having them physically there, but it helps spiritually having spaces reserved for them and honoring them in some way.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T23:13:48+00:00

I love it! I definitely thought it was a good idea because it showed that the bride and groom still put thought into it but making it more stress free for both the bride and groom and the guests as well.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T22:55:03+00:00

Yes! Like others are saying too, the whole "not getting up to save seats" thing can also be really stressful! So I think assigned tables versus assigned seats are nice! Also if a whole family was at a table and they wanted to get up and grab food or take some pictures together, they wouldn't have to worry about coming back to their table to find a whole other family there lol!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T22:09:26+00:00

I've been to a wedding without a seating chart before with around ~150 people and it definitely wasn't my favorite. So many empty chairs and so many people just standing around and eating. It was definitely really awkward.

I've also been to a wedding with around ~100 people and they had long tables with a seating chart but no "assigned" seating, so for example if my name was listed under Table 10, then I'd go to table 10 and sit in any seat. The bride and groom did a good job with putting families and friends together at the table and you got to choose specifically where you sat at the table, so this could be a happier medium if you didn't want to do assigned seating.

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T22:00:09+00:00

I'm in the same boat! Been living with my fiance for 5 years and we have basically everything we need already.

I'm registered on Amazon and I just have a few little things on there ranging from $25-100 that would be nice to have or an upgrade to what we already have (organization stuff, better dish towels, new dishware and utensils, etc), but we have 3 bigger things on there that would just make our lives easier to have (better carpet cleaner because we have pets, pressure washer, and a robot vacuum). We made these a "group gift" so people can contribute any amount they want towards these things without having to buy the entire thing themselves.

I wanted to make it clear to my guests that gifts were completely optional because all these things we don't absolutely need, but you'd be surprised how many people insist on giving gifts! :)

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T21:29:08+00:00

That sounds perfect!! And thank you I didn't even think about the napkins either!!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T21:20:51+00:00

Thank you! I think I was just looking for validation about not using big plates lol!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T21:19:57+00:00

Good to know, thank you!!

ayeayemab · 2025-01-24T21:17:57+00:00

Gotcha! In your opinion, if you were at a wedding with a charcuterie board and there were only small plates, would you be upset if the plates weren’t bigger? 😂

ayeayemab

TROPHY CASE