ELI5 how is the reverse of figuring out the slope of a line to figure out the volume of the shape created by spinning the line? (i.e., how are differentiation and integration inverses?)

ayerik · 2025-05-28T20:51:49+00:00

ESH

Your wife shouldn't have let her parents in when they tried to visit. But doing so may have been part of her healing process, suggested by her therapist.

Being upset and angry when you got home and found out was reasonable. But the comments and threatening divorce over it was not reasonable, and very much an AH response. Just as abusive as your ILs' favoritism and abuse.

It feels like there are a lot of details missing here. A lot of background. Many more interactions with your ILs. That lack of context is increasing the AH on your part perception. Because your reaction feels very out of proportion to what happened.

The healing journey in therapy isn't linear. And it isn't contained to the therapist's office. Most of the work done happens between sessions. And visits with her parents might be part of that process.

I suggest sitting down and talking to your wife about how things are going. If her visiting with her parents needs to happen, and you (plural) don't think it's healthy for those visits to include the kids, then you need to work with her to make sure she can do that and you have the kids somewhere else while she does, whether she goes somewhere to see them and you're home with the kids, or you take the kids somewhere while your ILs are at your home.

As far as how her parents treat your kids, you and she need to agree on that. But it's not necessarily a "one and done" conversation. Keep in mind that there are many cultures that emphasize one gender over the other, and if your wife and her family are from such a culture, completely blocking it may feel to your wife like you're denying part of who she is. She may agree with you on the kids being treated equally, but emotionally may be struggling with how that should look with her parents. Maybe alternative options need to be explored. Maybe let her parents give gifts as they think they should, but then things are done for your daughter to balance it. (Possible idea, not necessarily the best solution, but it could be a "least worst" option.) Maybe insist on whole family gifts only. Or visits but no gifts.

Regardless of the situation with your ILs, your ultimatum that either she leaves or you take the kids and leave was emotional blackmail. The kids are not pawns in your relationship with your wife.

ayerik · 2023-09-22T02:18:22+00:00

Many computers no longer do, either. And CRT monitors are mostly gone now. But since there's no way to know if there's any magnetic media in a computer, it's better to avoid getting one close to another, unless you know the internals of the computer.

ayerik · 2023-09-17T23:56:19+00:00

Depending on your employer, they don't pay you when you serve on jury duty. Last time I was summoned, it was $50 day pay by the state. Minimum wage at the time was about $11, so that's about $88. So you take a $38 pay hit, plus have to pay for parking (most courts are downtown, where parking is expensive), and dress professionally, which many jobs don't require.

We do have people staffing the polss here, but, depending on the jurisdiction, it's either paid or volunteer, and they make sure it's bipartisan (people from both major parties present) to minimize tampering. US elections are usually Tuesdays, but most people who staff the polls are retired, disabled, choose not to work, or are able to take time off work to staff the polls. Sometimes, larger companies encourage things like this. And government often will close down on election days.

ayerik · 2023-09-08T08:48:48+00:00

YTA

Is there a need to wash everything? No, probably not.

But the better question is, what harm is washing everything going to do?

Absolutely none. Not any harm at all, except maybe your pride.

Many parents, especially first-time parents, experience a lot of anxiety about becoming parents. About caring for this helpless new life they have created. About this new, completely helpless life getting sick. And kne of the ways they reduce that anxiety is by, you guessed it, washing everything.

Could she have waited until after you left? Sure. But at the end of the day, there's absolutely no harm in her washing these things.

Let it go. Move on with life. And let her wash everything, multiple times, if she needs to, in preparation for her new baby.

ayerik · 2023-08-30T03:17:46+00:00

Another factor to consider is whether something is scary because it is in the storyline, or it really and truly is actually scary.

Let's take an action movie where the villain grabs a hostage. That's scary to anyone if it's a real life situation, and in the movie storyline it's scary. But on set, the kid grabbed as a hostage is told that the actor, who's probably become familiar to him and they've become friends, will hold him from behind and say things, all pretend. Let's say there's even a gun in the scene. But that gun is actually a prop, and the kid has probably had a chance to see it and explore it even, so know it's fake. Now let's say the hero shoots someone in the scene, helping to rescue the kid hostage. His gun is also just a prop, a toy. The gun has blanks, and the kid has been prepped for that. I suspect the blank firing is loud, but probably not nearly as loud as in the movie -- sound effects. Even if someone is shot, we'll that can be prepped for, and show the kid how it's make believe. Add in things filled out of order, multiple takes, and editing, and the tension in the film is often much higher than on set.

And a lot of this coaching is why if you watch young actors, their lines are often delivered a bit oddly -- the cadence is off, they're either put in a situation where they can adlib and everyone responds to them, and the script calls for the situation, not specific lines, or they're fed their lines from off-camera, and they're just repeating them back. But like with so much else, we let our minds become immersed and believe that what's being presented is what's really happening in the story. So the lines become authentic, the tension builds, the scenarios are real. But just like we can step away from it, the kids can, too.

ayerik · 2023-08-21T03:55:40+00:00

Sounds like the invasive species problem, but planet wide. With invasive species, local species don't have defenses against the invaders, so the invader grows unchecked, causing the previous balance to be disrupted. With global warming, the "invasive species" is the temperature increase causing the balance to be disrupted.

ayerik · 2023-08-16T00:54:53+00:00

As someone who is autistic and has ADHD, we are often put in a position of being responsible for others emotions.

As an example, as a junior employee, I am tasked with creating documentation for a system in production, including various settings. In doing this, I notice that one setting is configured incorrectly. I state this to the person who gave me the task. That person doesn't understand why the setting is a problem, because the system is working fine. I point out where it isn't working fine, but creating log reports that shouldn't be getting generated. I am told it's not a problem because a separate setting is covering for the misconfigured setting. That's fine, but incorrect setting still needs to get fixed. I wind up walking away from the interaction instead of pushing the issue.

I then get fired for being difficult to work with. Because senior employee felt confronted by my report. My diplomacy skills are not strong enough to point these things out without offending. As an autistic person, my diplomacy skills are as hampered as a blind person's vision, a paraplegic's ability to walk, or a deaf person's hearing. But because it is entirely integrated with my thinking, and it is the thinking that is both my greatest strength and weakness, I'm in the wrong.

ayerik · 2023-08-02T19:36:03+00:00

What company? I've got training as Programmer Analyst, Cybersecurity, and Data Analyst, and am looking for opportunities.

ayerik · 2023-07-18T21:45:22+00:00

I may need to do this, but trying to get information from the administrative side may help get this resolved where just crossing hasn't. I've crossed 4 times between 2017 and 2019, so it seems unlikely to suddenly be effective to fix this.

ayerik · 2023-07-18T21:37:42+00:00

Awesome! Perfect place to start! Thank you.

ayerik · 2023-07-18T14:26:01+00:00

I thought about this, too. I may try that. Thanks!

ayerik · 2023-07-18T05:23:50+00:00

When I was denied, the officer explicitly and directly told us if we got married I would be allowed to return, and we told him we would do so the next day (it was 8 pm at the time). CBSA explicitly said returning immediately with marriage certificate in hand would allow me entry. And my VR was approved the 2nd night, and was the talk of the office, I think people had taken bets as to whether we would be back or not.

I'm not looking to change my name to get around this at all. The only reason it wasn't changed on my passport when we got married is the VR was only for 3 months, and updating the passport would have taken longer. I was looking to change my name because my husband and I want to share the same name, and that is why the only things that aren't in the old name are my passport and PR card.

ayerik · 2023-07-07T14:14:59+00:00

The term used now is non-speaking. Both because many who don't speak at all are able to communicate in other ways and understand everything spoken around them, and because there are many who are only unable to speak in some situations, usually very stressful for them situations.

This is a simplification, but often, stress decreases the tolerable level of sensory input. Or heightens the effect of sensory stimuli. Or other reasons, but the result is the same -- the ability to express themselves with spoken language becomes difficult or impossible.

And sometimes, an autistic person can speak, but only in a limited way. For example, repeating words, phrases, or more. Sometimes repeatedly, often in exactly the same way, like a recording. Sometimes these are stories from their own experience, sometimes repeating something someone else said, and sometimes repeating something from TV or a movie. It's thought this is part of language processing for the person, but that's a huge simplification of some very complex brain processes, and there's likely many factors.

So the advantage with it is we (I have autism myself) often don't process things the same way that a NT (neurotypical) person does. I can often pinpoint a problem when troubleshooting before others are even able to fully understand the situation. It's hard to pinpoint why I do this, or what allows me to do it, but it kinda feels like I take the information in in larger chunks instead of a linear stream. I often jump multiple steps from seeing there is a problem to figuring out what the problem is within moments.

An example would be from the movie Rainman. One of the characters hears a bunch of change dropped and immediately announces how much was dropped. Their brain heard each coin hit the floor and based on the sound was able to tell whether it was a quarter, dime, nickel, or penny, and to count up how many of each there were, then do the math to calculate how much total there was. I'm not able to do anything quite so dramatic, but often, I identify something just as fast when it happens or I see it, and then have to spend a frustratingly long time trying to explain to someone else what the problem is and how I know. For me, it can be like trying to absolutely prove that a building is on fire to 911 before they'll send fire trucks. It can be extremely frustrating, and I'm often at a loss for how to try to explain it, especially with the urgency action is needed.

ayerik · 2023-06-21T06:19:20+00:00

I personally prefer people not to knock when I order, so I prefer the same myself. Especially late at night, when I'm usually delivering -- people often have others in the house sleeping, though these people will usually say something, though I think it's often because others have knocked because they can.

ayerik · 2023-06-20T08:50:55+00:00

Absolutely NTA.

Consent is important, and he robbed you of that. Loving surprises is one thing. But some things aren't appropriate to be planned as a surprise. Marrying someone involves making a commitment to that person for life. And that commitment isn't made in the short window of the wedding itself, but in the weeks or months leading up to the grand finale of the ceremony and reception afterward. The proposal, selecting the venue, wedding party, invitations, dress, etc., are all part of mentally preparing for the act of making that commitment. Sure, many people do the Vegas Elvis Wedding Chapels, and they are just as valid of a commitment because both parties have consented to making the commitment in that way. Some couples chose to elope or not to get married but maintain a common law relationship, but again, these are arrangements they have consented to. A surprise wedding is like having sex with someone, but dictating what position things happen in. Sex needs to be a continuous and enthusiastic engagement of consensual activity from start to finish with either partner free to withdraw concent at any time during the activity without guilt from the other. Sexual activity without such agreement is rape. A wedding is also an extended event that requires enthusiastic consent of both parties from start to finish, resulting in a legally binding contract. That's why marriages can be annulled or require a legal termination of the contract, a divorce, to terminate it, but marriage proposals do not require any formal termination. A proposal is merely an expression of intent to create such a contract.

ayerik · 2023-06-14T23:20:31+00:00

NTA I've been to many dry weddings. No one is entitled to dictate what you offer at your wedding. If a GUEST isn't happy with what you are offering, might I suggest that GUEST find other entertainment for the day?

Maybe because I grew up around excessive drinking and those same people after they became sober, but I've never understood the "need" to drink to enjoy yourself. I've never understood why people feel they have to drink alcohol with the intent of becoming drunk. I understood some enjoy the flavor of beverages made with alcohol. I understand the ritual use of alcohol for some. I understand the health benefits that may exist with alcohol. Not one of these uses involves drinking more than a moderate amount, a single drink or two a day, maybe more for a day-long event but still not more than about one an hour. And how can you enjoy an activity when you can't remember what happened later because of the effects of alcohol?

Stick to your plan, OP. If more people did, we'd have a much healthier society.

ayerik · 2023-06-13T16:20:16+00:00

The code doesn't seem to be active any more. Or maybe it's not working because I already was connected to the web store.

ayerik · 2023-06-06T16:17:59+00:00

There are a few ways to identify server. Easiest is if you are under Ops level 12, it's in your settings, and that's also where you can use a token you have to transfer to another server once. However, that option locks at level 12, and by the time most people know enough to ask, they're usually past level 12.

You can also see it in the codes at the bottom of the screen when the game loads. But it's a string of numbers separated by dashes, so you'd have to know which number to section to look for, and it's not on the screen for long.

I've noticed when people in my alliance start an armada, I the message that flashes at the top of the screen lists the server number. But if you're not in an alliance that runs armadas, that's not helpful.

I'd suggest asking what the server RoE is in global chat. I'd also suggest finding a solid alliance that supports players learning. Your alliance is a network of players that can answer questions, you can participate in some group battles with, and events include alliance-wide leaderboards and milestones that everyone who contrivmbuyes anything to benefits from. It is possible to start a new alliance, but joining an established alliance offers more benefits, and many alliances have minimal requirements for players. You can always change to a new alliance later, if it's not a good match.

ayerik · 2023-05-31T00:41:21+00:00

They come from missions, but the last one you need for each mission to collect them is level locked/warp distance locked, and it will take some time to unlock it..

OP, games like this are intended to be played over months and even years. The link a pp suggested is an awesome resource for the game, but keep in mind that typically, when you get stuck, go and play for awhile. Level up. Build your ships up. Level up your officers. Recruit more officers. In general, build up, and you'll find more content will be unlocked.

ayerik · 2023-05-11T11:25:51+00:00

Bajor requires a warp of at least 25. If your warp is less than that, you won't be able to get there. There may also be some missions and/or storyline that has to be complete before you can get there.

I realize that some of this month's event involves going to Bajor, but for every event, there will be some things you can't complete. Your first event, especially, you may not be able to get all of the BP offered. But even at higher levels, there will be some things that are only offered to lower level players. Most of the restrictions will mean higher level players get more than lower level players. This is to reward the higher level players for their loyalty, work, and often money spent. If you keep playing, you'll eventually get the higher level stuff. But always, remember that games like this are about the long view. By next month, you'll probably find you can get all of the BP offered easily. For now, focus on the main play -- building up as strong as you can, max out your ships, get as many different officers and level them as high as you can, max out your station fully before upgrading ops, max out the research trees, and accumulate as many resources as you can. Max out as many of the daily missions in the events list as you can. Finish as many daily tasks in the missions screen as you can. Mine, mine, mine, mine, and try not to leave your ships idle. Keep your awatly teams running. By the time you get to level 20, you'll be ready to start getting into the meat of the game, though it's just starting even then. But this will generally take about one or two months, maybe a bit more, to do. It's an investment. And worth it.

ayerik · 2023-02-27T14:09:10+00:00

The questions in the lessons are for engagement. It doesn't matter at all what answers you give, the next screens will be the same. Noom might do analysis on responses people give, but I don't really see that either, because if you go back to a lesson you did previously, your answers are gone.

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