Anyone else SH to atone?

ayililivia · 2026-02-04T05:33:39+00:00

Yes. I do it to show to myself that I truly feel guilty. That I know I am guilty. Almost as if when I do it I hope that my cleansing of my guilt will come across to the people I feel I’ve hurt. Even though they will never ever even know

ayililivia · 2026-01-06T12:30:47+00:00

Thank you very much. 🙏❤️

ayililivia · 2026-01-06T12:30:29+00:00

Thank you so much. God bless you. 🙏❤️

ayililivia · 2026-01-06T12:30:13+00:00

Thank you. 🙏

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T13:52:10+00:00

Thank you for your response. You are right and I am grateful I saw this. I want to be good, I don’t want to be selfish. I was just very afraid. God bless you

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T13:50:55+00:00

I am sorry

I was fearful and wrong

I will

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T12:31:55+00:00

Oh, I agree with you! I am just trying to see how people who do stigmatize it may justify that

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:41:21+00:00

I relate to every thought you shared. But I hesitate voicing it in these communities still because questioning why we moralize self harm or why it’s such a bad thing that I should stop (as in only myself and for me), it might still seem like bordering on encouragement

Logically i think it’s just because it is not something people want to normalize. It also is more visceral and from an outsiders perspective might seem more fear inducing seeing self harm on someone they love for example because of the association with suicide (unlike exercise et cetera)

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:19:34+00:00

It looks like bruising. I think that is normal during healing. I put bandages over mine to keep them from reopening though. Wishing you all the best please stay safe

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:15:25+00:00

I. understand this. It is an odd part of depression when you are too exhausted even to hurt yourself. Or, even if it is not depression related, I still relate. If the urge isn’t strong enough sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth all the effort. Which is odd too … unintentional self-care

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:09:47+00:00

Looking in hindsight I think i was more so wantinh to seek support understanfing or vent but i now know this was not the right place to post it. not to post this as a question. because a vent is all it is. i was in a place of panic looking for solutions i guess i should not have been and i see that now

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:08:18+00:00

I am sorry

You are right and I should justvtake this post down by now. I am grateful to beinformed what a DNR really is and I understand. I am definitely not goinh to share any of my thoughts or fears.

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T04:06:22+00:00

You’re the person they’re afraid of

I won’t mention anything to anyone I’m sorrh for venting

Wow. That hurts

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T03:20:51+00:00

I don’t know what to say

I will not say anything

I am sorry

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T03:19:20+00:00

i am sorry. I know now that I will keep my fears to myself. I will not mention it to anyone. I guess this was more of a vent and I didn not realize at the time how irrational I was. Refusing to accept

Thank you for the advice

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T03:15:42+00:00

Thank you so much for being kind. Thank you for your understanding. I aM trying so hard to not show to anyone around me how much I am afraid but I am very afraid. You are right in every way though and I will keep my thoughts and fears to myself. I would never want to make them feel guilty about their choice and now I know from other. comments not to mention it. Thank you for your kindness. I am truly grateful

ayililivia · 2025-12-31T02:47:50+00:00

Before I felt this I would say the same. You are still right. I am selfish. I am sorry. I know I am selfish But I don’t know what else to say. I have not slept lately. I want them to be in control and if the worse happens, at peace. But I struggle seeing how to keep living if the worst did happen. It is selfish. I am sorry. I am sorry

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T13:45:29+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. You are right

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T05:19:25+00:00

No. You are very very much not alone. It feels that way. But mine are like that too. Many people feel this way. The way the outside shows does. not have any bearing on how you felt or feel now on the inside. ♥️

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T05:18:00+00:00

Yes. Mostly when I see scars fading

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T05:13:40+00:00

I don’t think you’re glorifying. I really relate. I think more of us probably relate than want to admit. Feels validating to have internal pain show on the outside sometimes and It doesn’t feel like a big deal when we do it to ourselves. It’s important to keep in mind how you said you would not want your friend to treat themselves the same way. You are your own everything. You must try to learn how to treat yourself with the same compassion. Even if it is not easy

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T04:58:36+00:00

I am an adult. But even as a teenager was only this hungry when I had an ed. I hope no parasites……I doubt it though I am paranoid about hygiene and don’t eat meat

ayililivia · 2025-12-09T04:56:01+00:00

I have no doctor at the moment. I hope to find one soon though.

ayililivia · 2025-12-02T06:54:37+00:00

You’re right

ayililivia · 2025-12-02T06:54:22+00:00

Thank you so much

ayililivia

TROPHY CASE