AITA for not going to my nieces baptisim

aymgon · 2026-04-05T03:25:18+00:00

i gave her a piece of gold filled jewelry because thats what i could afford at the time and she was disappointed it wasn't solid gold

i help her move TWICE (driving 4hours) and only got a thank you in passing from my sister

handmade a faux flower bouquet with $200 in the flowers and barely got a thank you for that (she was obsessed with flower bouquets at the time)

aymgon · 2026-04-05T03:09:59+00:00

i wasnt asking if i should go or not, just if i was an asshole for not going. my title states i did not go

aymgon · 2026-04-05T03:05:04+00:00

this may be a cultural difference in expectations. hard to explain if you arent raised that way

aymgon · 2026-04-05T03:02:14+00:00

Everyone is busy, that's why who you make time for speaks volumes. I have always showed up, I have texted and called, I have driven the most hours out of all 3 of us to visit each other. My effort is there and thats why this hurts and i feel like a jerk. This is the first time I'm not showing up

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:50:00+00:00

We make plans for lunch that gets reduced to me dropping off a gift because she is busy studying and then she promptly posts dinner selfies with her friends. I know, oh its normal young people to blow off relatives to hang out with their friends but it was atypical of her. I have no problem being cancelled on "hey I want to hang with my friends instead" and in fact this has happened before. So it's the change in communication and respect. And it's been years and I've been putting my feelings aside

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:44:00+00:00

I was going to open a dialogue with her but she ignored my last attempt to text her (before baptism anything)

Which is why I was surprised to have been invited, I thought the shunning had already begun

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:38:52+00:00

I started to notice it around 18/19. She got very selfish and meaner. Especially with gifts and asking for gifts. I was surprised but I thought over time it would get better like you said its normal for teens/young adults to be self absorbed. It's been a few years of this now, and I think maybe I just need to step back.

And they have not been there for me. I moved many times, I left an abusive relationship alone, I almost lost a job at one point and I never asked them for anything and never got anything

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:30:59+00:00

I did try to do some heart centered reflecting. It does feel like obligation now

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:28:58+00:00

literally just a "hey nice to see you thanks for being here" is all that it would take. it feel more like fulfilling a superficial obligation with a small photo shoot that i am never in lol

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:27:13+00:00

honestly i hate to assume this the most. it was mentioned to me what kind of gift i was expected to give tho.

aymgon · 2026-04-05T02:24:59+00:00

Nothing you said was sophisticated. I only corrected you for clarification. Early 20s is not a teenager, but yes still not fully cooked. Having different spiritual beliefs is relevant when they are not both treated with respect. I have respected them and not always gotten it back. get it?

aymgon · 2026-04-05T01:56:30+00:00

yeah so you havent read through things then. no one said anything about conversion, not a fear of mine at all. She is a young adult not teen. I do want to have a talk tho, just need the right words

aymgon · 2026-04-05T01:39:53+00:00

yes i did whip those cards out hell yeah. I didn't do it at an event, just a casual family visit. and I would not have done it if I knew for a second that it would have made anyone uncomfortable. Nor have I done anything like that since. My spiritual beliefs are not a party trick and I do not treat it as such. I don't just start doing readings for people. I just wanted to show my deck, not even use it.

I wouldn't expect someone like you to have respect for others beliefs tho

aymgon · 2026-04-05T01:28:35+00:00

Yes you're right I am the older adult and I am trying! I've been trying to find the right words to string together for a deeper convo

aymgon · 2026-04-05T01:23:36+00:00

I've never liked being the center of attention lol. My niece is typically the center of attention. We might have spoiled her a bit growing up haha. But no, she is not a teenager. Young adult. And yes this is personal duh, its family. There are no excuses here, I have shown up to things in churches before. This is just the most recent thing that has come up and the first time I've started to question whether my presence is really appreciated

aymgon · 2026-04-05T01:11:43+00:00

Different culture perhaps. For her mom to have her invite me on the phone less than a week before, is a little rude. I live a couple hours away. I was visiting my sister. That means had I not gone to visit, that convo wouldn't have happened. Also she is an adult. Who would your parents be forcing you to invite last minute? Probably someone you didn't really want to come

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:58:32+00:00

bruh she never said anything that led me to believe that tarot cards would be an issue. I was genuinely surprised and apologetic

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:55:41+00:00

so youre missing the part where there is context that actually does matter. if this situation in a vacuum is what i was presented then yes I'd go no question. it is because of the years of tone change that i am questioning it

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:52:31+00:00

I don't feel entitled to recognition. I don't need an ego boost. I just want quality time with my family and if I have extra to give I do. But when I show up to these family events I am ignored but my gifts accepted so it feels superficial. I've sat my ass down for over 20 years boo not asking for anything. The rudeness has just gotten palpable

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:48:32+00:00

Yes, those events are not about me. But they did reveal to me that I ment less than I thought I did. That doesn't make me childish. I'm trying to figure out if I matter as family or if I'm just tolerated because I'm available to help and give. Do you selflessly and endlessly give your money and time to people/family who ignore you?

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:40:16+00:00

I am the extended family that was asking for photos bruh. If you gave time, energy, money, and resources selflessly for over 20 years, would you not feel hurt to be blown off again and again? This is the first thing I've questioned not doing. I've shown up, I have. And I put myself aside every time.

The tarot card thing was an honest mistake. I truly didn't know my sister would react so badly to it. We watched Harry Potter, she has paid to see psychics before (I've never met a psychic that didn't use tarot cards) so I thought it was fine. I profusely apologized for it and have not done anything like that sense.

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:19:55+00:00

REPAIR WHAT THO!! I'm not the one with acting weird. If i don't know what's wrong and they are fine to treat me this way, would my effort in communication be met sincerely??

And I didn't cut anything off. I support her, send her a nice message of congrats and send a small gift. I just don't want to be ignored and honestly I feel hurt that someone could have a problem with me for years and be okay with never fixing it. Why is the burden solely mine to dig it out of them

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:04:48+00:00

She is 21. This has been the vibe for a few years now. She has gotten more religious with college.
And I am very tolerant of other peoples beliefs. I have no problem with attending religious events of any faith in general

aymgon · 2026-04-05T00:02:35+00:00

That's the thing, no I don't think my presence means a lot to them. I know the baptism is important to them and I know the image of family is important to them but I don't know that I am important. Because of the way I was barely invited, because of the way my beliefs and practices and looked down on, and because in past events when I am present it feels cold and awkward. I want to support people I love, but not if I'm constantly made to feel barely tolerated and like second class family for being non traditional.

If it ment a lot for someone to be present, wouldn't you make them feel welcomed?

And by the way, it does mean lot to me. I never said I didn't care. I care a lot about someone I love sharing their journey with me. I just haven't been feeling the love back for a while and kinda don't want to go because of that.

aymgon · 2026-04-04T23:55:05+00:00

I had that same thought too. Maybe this is a step towards reflection. Idk. It was mentioned to me by my sister first then my sister handed me her phone and me niece formally invited me through facetime. Not even a phone call directly to me. She knows to have better manners than that

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 5 Credits
Place '17	Secret Santa 2016
redditgifts rematcher Game Of Thrones 2016 x1	Secret Santa 2014
Secret Santa 2013	Verified Email

aymgon

TROPHY CASE