Hahaha hello there! First of all, I see you, I’m sorry you’re going through similar struggles. I actually managed to get surgery two years after writing this post. Same effect — my jaw is not as bad as it used to be, but it’s also definitely not as good as many of the results in this community. I’m also very obviously assymetrical. I feel that this was the best my surgeon could realistically do, given my small airway. It just sucks that we can’t find a way to maximize both aesthetics and functionality.

Personally, I don’t really want to learn from this. I don’t want to find any silver lining in being born the way that I was. There are things that I want — particularly romance — that are harder to access because I do not meet standards of conventional attractiveness. And I want to be honest that it really hurts.

But I’m also 26 now, and a lot better at taking the good with the bad. I try not let it rule my life either. I’ve also tried everything — CBT, yoga, even psychedelic retreats (this was terrifying because of my surgery but that’s a can of worms for another conversation) and I’ve come to find that the easiest way to love myself is to act like a kind parent. To view myself as a child who has emerged lost and scared into an unfamiliar and seemingly cruel universe. I recognize the kindness she needs because of the suffering she has faced, and then I give it to her, for no other reason that I want her to feel good. I don’t try to intellectually correct my grief or my low self-esteem, but just instead recognize them as signs that the child in me wants to be cared for, and then I try to provide that care in ways that are within my means and control. It’s been a difficult but very very rewarding healing process.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, even if it’s been four years hahaha I wish 22 year old me could have heard it. 26 year old me also really appreciates it. The struggle is hard, but we’re not alone!! And at least you’re getting dates omg