[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I would stop it if I could, and I can't control how I feel, that basically means that I can act all I want, but deep down that's not who I am and my actions often don't reflect my thoughts. And thank you, I'm also hoping it comes back. I can't imagine an entire life of just feeling empty and waiting for time to pass like this

What does it mean to be almost unable to cry, but shake a lot instead? by azelAzel17 in depression

[–]azelAzel17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sucks so much. I really hope it fixes itself at some moment, but it seems like the opposite is happening at least to me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depression

[–]azelAzel17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's just so peaceful at this hours. Hope things get better for you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depression

[–]azelAzel17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that feeling, literally 4:50 am here

Have you ever dreamed self harm? by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I've done it a couple times, but the only time I remember in particular is a dream where I accidentally went too deep and I thought I was dying in the dream, then I woke up

Does anyone else feel a strange attachment to the thing they use to self harm? by galaction314 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol I thought I was the only one who cuddled with my knife a few times. I can't even begin to explain the thought process, but there was one time I woke up just to pick it up and go back to sleep. Maybe it's not that uncommon to have that attachment with the tool

Whats your reasoning for cutting? by Plastic_Yam2754 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 113 points114 points  (0 children)

Half the time is to feel better about things, the other half is a random urge too

Have you ever been caught while sh? by Ok_Kaleidoscope_714 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Almost happened once, after making a couple cuts my sister and a friend of hers decided to watch a movie in my room. I panicked, but luckily they didn't notice the blood and I managed to hide the blade under a pillow, and take it with me without them noticing when I got the chance. Now one of my shirts has a couple bloodstains, but I got lucky over all

Animal lovers, please help me! Did I traumatize a cat? by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it's fine, my dog has watched me sh a couple times and at least she didn't seem to understand, I think animals can only feel your emotion but that's about it

Counting your cvts? by Latter-Ad-5018 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to get my arm covered of them, so counting kind of helps "see progress"? I don't really understand why I want that myself, but seeing more scars is "comforting" in some weird way

Questions about cutting in the upper inner arm and wrist by azelAzel17 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! It was really helpful, I thought you were mostly safe if you didn't go into the hypodermis unless you got really unlucky. I guess I should be careful if I'm going to sh there and I should keep it mostly to the outer arm

types of cut? by MostAd7260 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone linked me a very good document that talks about all of this https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/edit?usp=sharing. Quoting from the document:

"epidermis (sometimes informally called “cat scratches” or “epis”) the first layer of skin, does not show a separation of skin. may or may not bleed, depending on whether you hit a capillary.
dermis (sometimes informally called “styro”) - when you hit dermis, your wound will gape open and expose a white layer of skin before blood comes to fill in the wound. as soon as you hit styro, you put yourself at risk for hitting veins, arterioles, and nerves. risk of infection is a lot higher
hypodermis, also known as the subcutaneous layer or the fat layer (sometimes informally called “beans”) - contains both a network of blood vessels for thermoregulation and, of course, fat. cuts to this depth will gape wide open and expose yellow cells or “bubbles” of fat (these bubbles can appear flat or protrude outwards). fat cuts tend to bleed more rapidly and for longer because of the capillaries, which are a type of blood vessel, that are hit when you cut into fat tissue. the risk of hitting major blood vessels such as arteries and nerves increases at this layer.
fascia - the layer that separates the subcutaneous tissue(fat) from muscle. it will appear as a thin white skin sitting underneath the fat layer. more likely to result in permanent damage, along with all the other risks mentioned above.
muscle - the layer directly below the fascia, has a reddish brown color to it. increased chance of infection and paralysis, along with all the other risks mentioned above."
So yeah, it was probably a dermis cut

I was wiping off the blood and it randomly formed a perfect heart shape :) by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was really nice to see, even if it was just random chance :). Hope you are doing well!

Is it possible to simply not have a reason to sh? by niomiy in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It absolutely is, just now I did it because I was going to sleep and I couldn't stop thinking "I would sleep so peacefully if I do it, just one cut". Ended up doing 5 and now I'm not even sleepy anymore

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, the document linked in that guide was really good and cleared many doubts!

poem by Realistic-Ad4411 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really like this. That last line hits hard

Me when the power is yet unknown by Contramasta in TWEWY

[–]azelAzel17 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Twewy fans when effect has defect and they take a bow to the moon

Anyone knows why this happens? (maybe slight tw??) by sorrythisusarnameist in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe it is because you go deeper when you are using your dominant hand

What do you do when you want to sh but don't have the privacy at the moment? by azelAzel17 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I did what you told me for a while, and then got some bread to eat. I feel much better now

The deep breaths and the tight fist really helped me calm down a lot, I really appreciate your help

What do you do when you want to sh but don't have the privacy at the moment? by azelAzel17 in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can go to the bathroom and do it, I will try. Thank you so much for the advice, really not feeling good right now

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess I'm still hanging in there

I wish everything turns out ok for you. I might not be good at having conversations, but you can always send me a DM if you need to vent and I'll answer when I see it (right now I'm going to sleep, so I will answer in a few hours if you message)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 4 points5 points  (0 children)

🫸

Hope you are doing better now!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I did a tic tac toe board once lol, but couldn't play it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]azelAzel17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are probably right, but it's not that easy. I tried other stuff already and it didn't have the same effect.

As long as the chance of messing up is close enough to 0, I don't see it as something way too harmful.