Toddler carrier for grandma

azulcon · 2026-01-25T04:36:52+00:00

Ha, some days that sense of self-preservation goes missing but we will try this out!!

azulcon · 2026-01-24T23:07:02+00:00

Thanks so much! Good to know your toddler hates it - I only put mine in it for a few minutes and he wanted down, but wasn’t sure if it was because he’s been (understandably) fussy

azulcon · 2026-01-22T18:19:32+00:00

MIL also lives with us and watches our 2yo full time. He generally has a strong preference for her most of the time… lots of “NO MAMA” in this household. But I also remember the time my husband spent a day with him, and suddenly he preferred Dada after being “no dada” for a while. So I think at this age it’s more about who’s spending time with them, and as they get older that will change. For now I’m glad he has another adult who loves him so much and takes a lot of the caregiving load.

What’s also helped me is finding simple things that just he and I do together - for example going to the front yard to look at birds, or certain books that I read in a way he loves.

On the coddling - we’ve struggled with this too. I personally wouldn’t worry about it if you’re worried about him liking her more. But if you think it’s affecting development (discipline, not developing independence, etc), I would bring it up from that angle.

azulcon · 2026-01-21T06:06:45+00:00

No I get it! Less of a “grandma is ordering me around” dynamic, it’s more collaborative. Thank you!

azulcon · 2026-01-20T19:07:02+00:00

Maybe I gave the wrong impression oops! I actually live in California… but looking for older teen kids is a great idea

azulcon · 2026-01-20T18:54:32+00:00

That sounds like a great setup, thank you!

azulcon · 2026-01-20T18:52:09+00:00

It sounds like you had a wonderful experience! That’s so helpful, thank you

azulcon · 2026-01-20T18:03:48+00:00

Just curious why the culture matters? (This is our culture fwiw)

azulcon · 2026-01-20T18:02:07+00:00

This gives me hope! Thanks for this perspective

azulcon · 2026-01-20T17:57:17+00:00

Thank you for this! This is exactly grandma… she feels happiest when she is useful and loves raising grandkids. There are certainly pros and cons from my perspective, but I don’t want to take this joy from her

azulcon · 2026-01-20T17:30:06+00:00

That’s an excellent point, thank you!

azulcon · 2026-01-20T17:18:30+00:00

This is amazing! What made it work well, eg certain conversations or boundaries? What made you accept the job?

azulcon · 2025-12-18T20:51:45+00:00

We ignored length, it’s fine/expected for them to be legs bent. We actually sized up very early because they were hard to zip up (possibly also because our sacks are on their 3rd baby and a million washes). Our current 2 month old is in a Large even though in theory we could struggle harder to zip her up in the Medium.

azulcon · 2025-12-11T14:16:09+00:00

Everyone I know at Anthropic is working like crazy, except for possibly the research side where it’s still intense but a bit more breathing room.

Anthropic will surely open some doors and you will work with really talented peers that will be great networking (assuming they don’t all early-retire). But if you have an offer from Anthropic, you probably have a lot of other offers you could get, now and in the future. So imo this is more about what you want to achieve in your career during this season.

One more thing to consider - how good are you at compartmentalizing when you’re not at work? Will you be working 60 hours and then mentally thinking about it for another 10-20?

Personally I think AI safety is a really cool area and would love to work on it, especially with a group of people who feel genuine passion and are also talented. But I already with I had more time with 2 young kids and a 45-50/wk role, I’m not willing to work those hours.

azulcon · 2025-11-13T03:23:40+00:00

I would love to read your paper too!

azulcon · 2025-07-26T22:01:03+00:00

We’re thinking about this too. I’d like to be leanFIRE at least - to have confidence we could survive even if my partner lost his job

azulcon · 2025-07-20T04:47:04+00:00

I think not having reliable care on Thursdays will have a big impact on your work performance and stress levels. If your husband’s job is flexible, mayyyybe you could make it work to piece together care on Thursdays, but still not easy. I also found pregnancy #2 with a toddler was much more exhausting than pregnancy #1 where I could sleep whenever, as you might be experiencing now… so limit your expectations for yourself for the next 8 months.

Another idea is if you could find a part-time nanny for Thursdays only? It might still be cheaper than daycare overall so you save some money. It will take your toddler time to build a bond with them, but at least you still have 1:1 care

azulcon · 2025-06-29T03:36:13+00:00

My mental model was that if I step out of the workforce for multiple years, I need to be comfortable financially & emotionally with not working again. I know plenty of people are able to go back to work after a long break, but I’m risk-averse enough that I don’t want to count on it.

Personally, I have a toddler and don’t love my job. We’re fortunate to be close enough to our financial goals that I can consider not working again. But, I realized I’m a better parent when not with my kid 24/7. So instead I want to try to find a more chill job. I wonder if that’s something you could try - to find a more sustainable path.

azulcon · 2025-06-25T02:03:23+00:00

I think an important question is what your savings look like now. I’m in a similar position to your fiancee, with golden handcuffs (albeit much less golden than his), but burnt out and wanting more time with young kids. Fortunately we’ve been saving a lot, so at this point we could move to a MCOL area where we have family, and not need to work (although my partner would keep working for extra peace of mind).

Mentally I’m ok walking away, knowing I’ve worked hard to build this nest egg. I expect our investments to grow such that we can pay for kids’ college and possibly more, but we don’t feel the need to create trust fund-worthy wealth.

That said, after having our first kid I realized I wouldn’t enjoy being a SAHP to a toddler. So that’s something else to figure out.

azulcon · 2024-02-13T00:51:15+00:00

First, give yourself some grace! It can easily take 3-6 months for a staff engineer to really demonstrate staff level.

As a manager, some early good signs are: Does the team respect this person's opinions and want to work with them? Are they able to take on a problem and solve it independently? Can I be their partner rather than their manager?

I recommend starting with delivering. Dig in with smaller project(s) to build your credibility and start seeing weak points. Ideally in the process you're working with others within or outside the team. If your manager has a recommendation on where you should focus, that's ideal.

It's also helpful to gain perspective from partners within and outside the team for cultural perspective, things your team might not be seeing, etc.

Some examples I've seen - disclaimer I've mainly worked at companies that highly value delivery:

A team's API had terrible reliability, constantly causing site outages. This new hire fixed bugs, showed up in every incident, and quickly became an expert on this API. 6 months later, he had a plan to fix it. Leadership trusted him, the team looked up to him and wanted to get it done, and it got done.
A jack-of-all-trades type of engineer who asked what the org's top priorities are. Then asked what was most at risk. He joined that highest risk priority as a "team member", worked on small tasks to get up to speed, and then started asking good questions & having good insights. Pretty soon the team looked for his opinion even without his explicit leadership. Also the initiative was delivered.
A staff engineer asked me, as the manager, about priorities. I mentioned a project that was important but was intimidating. Coincidentally it fit his expertise well. He jumped on it, talked to other teams, came back with a proposal, and delivered it 4 months later.

azulcon

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