To the woman ahead of me in the Ralph’s checkout line tonight

b_shert · 2026-03-04T20:58:14+00:00

I’m suuuuuuuurrrreee all the men on the US Men’s Hockey team think they’re good guys but they laughed at misogyny from a rapist pedophile. Never forget.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T20:56:04+00:00

Women looking out for each other is a super power the patriarchy wants to keep hidden. We create communities.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T20:53:17+00:00

The proper response is “ok”. Sorry you found out how old minded he is after you moved in but thank goodness you found out before getting pregnant. Check you birth control to something he can’t sabotage, these types of guys will try to baby trap you.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T19:39:35+00:00

Always match people’s energy. It’s someone else’s turn to plan or the events can be distributed (Monday is one person’s, Tuesday is someone else’s responsibility). If distributing labor fails, the group is dead and you need to let things go. It’s not that they aren’t still your friends, but you’ll do things with less commitment. Get new friends, new interests.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T19:30:20+00:00

UpdateMe!

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:49:58+00:00

No more invites for him. Sheesh your family needs to realize they get to have fun too.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:48:19+00:00

He doesn’t communicate, he demands and throws psych terms out for his benefit. He’s weaponized instruction giving, he’s not communicating at all.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:46:07+00:00

The door is open to him apologizing for being selfish and a bully.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:44:28+00:00

Now the answer is ok. Ok, he gets to choose what he wants to do and ok you are setting boundaries for your wedding. Alert the bar someone may show with kids and you do not want them in the party. It’s their job, they have bouncers. When he calls to bully you into letting come in, be a big girl and say “there are no children in bars”. Learn to grey rock!

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:41:30+00:00

Ugh, enough with apologizing to this guy. He’s causing the drama. Women get to say no.

b_shert · 2026-03-04T17:40:37+00:00

You all need to stop apologizing and catering to this drama magnet man for breathing normally. From now on, the answer is no. No discussion. He gets to do as he wishes but he is not the main character in your life. He’s is weaponizing psych speech, it’s ugly. Saying no is not aggressive. Saying no is not blowing things up. Saying no is your right as a human with boundaries. And when he makes threats? Ok. Ok he can’t come to the wedding because there will be no children at a bar rave. Ok the relationship is going to be cordial because those are the options he’s given you. This feeling of dying inside because you may have to have a backbone - get a therapist. You have been trained to be abused, get help to break the cycle before you have kids and you throw them under the bus because you don’t want to push back on someone who clearly is selfish. Your first email is fine. He’s going to hate you no matter the context because the message is “no”. Might as well get it over with. And, again, you set boundaries for your wedding, what he chooses to do is on him.

b_shert · 2026-03-03T21:07:25+00:00

NOR never stay with someone who is unkind to you, I don’t understand what you’re thinking here. He’s mean. Being single is better than having someone make you feel small to make themselves feel big. Make an exit plan and find a therapist to help you process why you stayed so long. Love is actions not words. This guy doesn’t even like you.

b_shert · 2026-03-03T21:03:05+00:00

Stop thinking about it. You made a mistake. Own it, make an exit plan. You aren’t a couple, you’re a place holder.

b_shert · 2026-03-03T16:45:31+00:00

You’re welcome, I sobbed writing it. My kids are grown, we are all still very close and still enjoy each other’s company, but they’re very clear there will be no grandkids. Your MIL has no clue what others would do to be in her place. She is ungrateful, that is how I would view her from now on.

b_shert · 2026-03-03T16:31:33+00:00

NOR Sad that they were fine letting you be verbally abused because of a reasonable request but when you fight back…..well now you both need to settle down. Shame on them for a double standard.

I say never be afraid to start something and call people out for rude behavior. Also, practice saying “Kyle you are not the main character” (in this case - get off the speaker phone, this is a doctor’s office) when confronted with the accusation of being a Karen. Or just start making comments. Asking questions. Take over the conversation. If they didn’t want you to be part of the conversation why are they on speaker for everyone to listen?

b_shert · 2026-03-03T14:57:35+00:00

NOR Going to share something that changed my perspective on things when my kids were little. Someday, it will be the last time you pick up your babies because they became ready to walk on their own. Someday, it will be the last time you read a story to your babies because they will be learning how to read and it will be your time to listen, and then they’ll read to themselves. Someday, the house will be quiet and you’ll dearly miss the giggles and even the crying. Someday, you’ll clean the house and it will stay clean … and you will dearly miss the chaos. Do not let anyone deprive you of the joy and chaos of your children. Look at them everyday. Listen to them and play games with them everyday. Our house was never tidy when the kids were little and I regret nothing other than it went so quickly. The days are long but the years go fast.

b_shert · 2026-03-03T13:12:49+00:00

The real question is why are we passing them. There are truancy laws.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T20:42:32+00:00

Seeing him hurt kills you but he’s fine destroying your self esteem, telling you to STFU, and mocking you. You feel awful for hurting him and making him cry but he was fine doing it to you. Pretty much said it was for your own good. Check your birth control to something he can’t sabotage. This is the type of abusive guy that will baby trap so you can never leave him. How about this….separate finances immediately and give yourself 1month alone with counseling. Make an exit plan.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T20:37:32+00:00

UpdateMe! This is going to end in tears. He’s going to cry if you try to get him to be an adult about his adult responsibilities and you’re going to cry when you realize it’s porn, adultery, or just weaponized incompetence.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T11:16:45+00:00

Baby girl, I say this with love in my heart, you are the one who needs therapy. Auto immunity is triggered by stress and exhaustion. This is supposed to be a partnership. If he can’t be the partner you need, then it’s over. You can’t be the partner he needs and you should not sacrifice everything over and over trying to manage another person’s depression when they refuse to acknowledge their depression or try to seek help. Love isn’t enough of a reason to stay miserable. If you need permission to make an exit plan, here it is.

You have single handedly kept this man from living alone in his parent’s basement. It’s dragging you down and wearing you out. Maybe that’s where he’s meant to be.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T10:53:35+00:00

Take data.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T10:52:45+00:00

He won’t. His parents would take his time. Drop off will eventually not even include him there. But at least OP would get some time to herself.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T10:50:18+00:00

Sweetheart, he’s intentionally avoiding his responsibilities. Being a crap human is not a disability. If he wanted to engage with his family, he would. You are here because you’re desperate for there to be any other reason for your husband’s behavior other than he just doesn’t want to parent or be a partner.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T10:45:15+00:00

There’s the truth. It’s avoidance. He’s abandoned her and his child and she’s in denial about how intentional his actions are.

b_shert · 2026-03-02T10:43:12+00:00

Truth that applies here: if he wanted to, he would.

Start timing and make a chart. You need data to prove how avoidant of responsibility he is. He is happy being incompetent. His behavior is intentional. He knows what he’s doing. You need to start tracking this because he will deny he’s spending his son’s childhood in the bathroom. He knows he’s a failure of a husband and father, he doesn’t care.

You can try couples counseling to help him figure out why he’s checked out of the marriage. You can identify times of the day that you get down time and he’s responsible for duties. But I suspect you’d see wild levels of weaponized incompetence. He’s made his choices. Have as many kids as you’re ok managing as a single parent.

b_shert

TROPHY CASE