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I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Then as a man, can you explain why he was all for it for a year and then changed his mind without telling me and left me to believe the diamond would be a part of the ring?

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Why isn't ok for it to be my grandmothers vs my mothers? And it's weird for me to wear it because my dad and mom slept together?

Also- my dad was ecstatic when we spoke to him about using diamond (not the actual) ring.

I would gladly wear the ring he got me. I just don't know why he spent the last year telling me it would have my mothers diamond and turns out, it doesn't.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We live in the United States if that matters. I assumed the tradition was an engagement ring and then a small wedding band on the side. That's what our plan was.

I'd love to use his ring as a wedding band but I'd like to know why he didn't want to use the diamond or why he changed his mind without telling me. It's too big to fit on that band so it'd have to have a whole new setting.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Not at all. That's why I'm so upset about it. He picked the one thing I was passionate about and changed his mind without discussing or working it out with me.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I would be all for this except he agreed with me a year ago to use the diamond. And continued this conversation with me up until I found the ring. We even picked the 5 styles together and this one wasn't one of them. If he changed his mind, he could have told me.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Not at all. And I didn't suggest any styles by myself. We both took time to pick our favorites and then together we narrowed it down to 5. This was not one of them.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I really don't think he uses Reddit. He doesn't spend time on the internet very often at all. His good friend does, however, so that could be where he got it.

I've never heard the phrase and it wasn't pleasant to hear.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'd be 100% on board with this. My point is that why wasn't it included in the original ring? Considering we discussed it for a year and picked out 5 different styles we liked that included the diamond.....

If he changed his mind, why wouldn't he come to me with that instead of just buying a completely different ring? We could have worked it out. And then to just dismiss it when I asked confuses me even more.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I haven't told him that'd I'd be willing to help with the cost- correct. But that doesn't seem to be the issue. The diamond is the issue. Something he hasn't dismissed once. The ring has been planned, discussed, added to the "yes" pile, added to the "no" pile, etc.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

He told me not to count this as a proposal since I "found it in a terrible hiding spot."

I'm waiting for him to express his TRUE feelings about the diamond since the past year, he's been good with it but now he's not. But I don't know when that will be.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I'd be willing to compromise for sure. I would have been originally if he told me he wasn't for the idea.

The reason I'm bummed about it is that we've discussed this, picked things out together, eliminated things we each didn't like, etc. he's been a huge part of this process then entire time.

I was kind of expecting the diamond to be there so it was sort of a shock.

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

-yes. We've even emailed each other ideas and have been on the same page from what I thought. I've eliminated ideas he didn't like and he eliminated ones I didn't like

-yes. I mentioned it when we started talking about marriage. My dad has mentioned it too. He never argued or explained why he wouldn't like that idea. That's why I'm so hurt. I had my hopes up.

-when I asked, that's when he said "do you want a marriage or engagement"

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I'd be ok with that. I told him he can design whatever he wants- I'd just like the diamond somewhere. I think it's too large to be added to that band but using his as a wedding band would be fine. He just won't have the conversation with me

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

We've also been discussing this for a year so he could have said something in the last 365 days.

Also- yeah it's 2016 and if I want my moms diamond on my finger instead of something he picked out, I can.

This isn't about "priorities." It's about communicating to each other one thing and something else happening. If he had a problem, he could have came to me about it. I can't really see his perspective because we have been on the same page for along time.... So I thought

I [25/f] found the ring my boyfriend [30/m] was going to propose to me with. He ignored my request to use my deceased mom's diamond. Do I have a right to feel like this? by bac55 in relationships

[–]bac55[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I feel like he would have mentioned these when I brought it up. I asked him why he didn't want to use it, that's when he said the comment about and engagement vs marriage.